I feel doomed. Like I could never have a normal life anymore. I feel out of my mind and terrified. I don’t think there’s anything anyone could do to help me. I feel crazy. Every second my brain comes up with something new and I can’t imagine myself coping with this for the rest of my life. I feel like I don’t love anyone anymore like I used to, not even animals and I used to adore animals. It feels like I’m just going to eventually lose the entirety of myself to theses thoughts and over analysis. This is not the way I imagined my life ending at all. My brain isn’t working at all like it used to. I feel as if I’ve lost my empathy and I’m only doing things just to cope. It sucks when support from my family doesn’t even work because I feel like I don’t even love them anymore. I still feel like I’m making this all up to an extent, because I know these thoughts aren’t real but they feel so real in my head. Everyday is so hard. I just want to sleep but I can’t just spend my life sleeping forever.

Not currently. I’ve found a place but I have to wait until Tuesday to call. I keep getting a lot of worries about it and what condition I’ll be in by the time I’m actually able to have an appointment, but I know none of that is helpful and I need to try to remain positive until then. Thank you for reaching out ❤️

It just feels like everything is over I couldn’t handle this for the rest of my life. This is miserable and all I’m doing all day is just coping. I know for a lot of people ocd is chronic but I hate this so much. I get thoughts and doubts about nearly EVERYTHING now and my thoughts at time feel like inception (I’m not sure if that’s the right word). I want to go to a hospital but I just worry I’ll be fine once I’m there and then once I get back to real life it will all come back. I don’t want to hurt myself but I don’t want to live like this forever either. I just wanted to be a good person for my whole life but thoughts are so strong.

@Scribble I found a local general psychiatrist that I hope will help me but I’m not sure whether or not he’ll be knowledgeable on ocd or not because I know a lot of doctors aren’t. I haven’t looked for a ocd specialist because I’m not even sure if it’s ocd or if I’m going crazy, plus I think I might have some other things going which is I wanted to see more than a specialist just in case.

@Scribble The confusion and stress is so intense and I wish I could just have a clear mind but I can’t just allow myself to sit and try to figure it all out because that’s pretty much where the problem is coming from.

@Scribble I think a common mistake is thinking, “if I have ocd the rest of my life, it will always be as bad as it is now and I will always be in this much distress.” That’s not nessisarily true. Distress can lessen over time and with treatment. The statements, “I might have ocd for the rest of my life,” and “I can live a happy life that’s worth living” are not mutually exclusive. I think seeing this psychiatrist is a good first step. Remember, even if it isn’t ocd, that doesn’t mean you’re “going crazy.” Crazy isn’t a real psychological concept. With regards to your hesitation to seek an ocd therapist because you aren’t sure if it’s ocd: people who treat ocd are able to tell if you have ocd or not, and would figure that out during an intake appointment. If you can’t see an ocd specialist, I highly recommend finding ways to do erp anyway, and maybe finding ways to educate your therapist about ocd. ERP really is the best way to treat ocd, even if it makes you more anxious at first. Also, you mentioned trying to “figure this out.” This is going to sound counterintuitive but in ocd we don’t want to try and figure out our thoughts, or fight them, or push them away. That all just makes it worse. You can’t think your way out of ocd. Instead accept the thoughts as they come. Don’t push them away, but don’t analyze them and try and figure out if they mean anything or not. Just let them be and sit with the anxiety. I’m curious, have you ever trie any erp on your own or are you familiar with it?

@Anonymous I have attempted erp on my own, and it either makes me feel more distressed, confused or in some cases better. But I think at times I do use it as a form of reassurance. If I feel I don’t love someone or something I’ll spend time with that person anyway no matter how I feel. But then it reminds me that I do, so I’ll feel fine for a bit, but eventually the confusing thoughts will come back and give me anxiety again. I’m not even sure if I’m going about this in the right way. In some moments I think it may have been ocd but now it feels a lot more like I’m actually having issues with my relationships and the thoughts that accompany that make me feel like I’m on the verge of losing my mind. :(