It feels like I legit want to break up with my partner. I read something about “why you shouldn’t stay with your high school sweetheart” yesterday, and now I’m questioning whether I need to break up with him and find myself, travel, etc. even though I couldn’t even do that because I can’t afford it and we are both full time college students. The thing is I feel relief and somewhat of a happiness when I think of leaving and being single, travelling. But at the same time I start panicking because I think “that shouldn’t make me happy” and “that is so selfish, he has stayed always by your side and all of a sudden you just want to leave and be single?” And this makes me cry. I think about hurting him and cry, panic, etc. I was just obsessing about something else 2 days ago. Did I finally figure out what I want? I don’t know anymore. I think the thought, feel like I want it, try to let it go then think “what if I don’t want to let it go?” Someone please help. I’m so tired.

That triggers me reading that because I want it to be ROCD. But I know I’m supposed to feel uncertainty and triggered, so I can get used to the feeling.

@swill321 I know you want it to be. But you don’t have to say “it’s not OCD” for sure. Just aknowledge to yourself that it’s a possibility and you can never truly know for sure. It might be ocd, it might not be. But you are choosing to spend time with your significant other regardless and choosing to not try to solve your feelings. I don’t know if that helps at all?

@Nolan No that helps! Thank you!

@Nolan I’m just kind of confused as to why I’m not panicking anymore.

@swill321 to start-You asking me why you aren’t panicking is asking for reassurance which is never a good thing. And you really just need to think “maybe it does mean something.” And then stop trying to analyze it. You will never be able to outanalyze your brain. that is it’s purpose. Just let the thought be and allow uncertainty

@Nolan i know it is hard, trust me i know. But if you want to get better you have to stop trying to find the answer to whether its ocd, or your thoughts are true, etc

Yes I have. But I feel like my feelings and thoughts are different. Idk.

@swill321 I feel like if you really wanted to end things you wouldn’t be this fearful. Accept the thoughts/feelings and move on from the obsessive thoughts.

@Enna2 Trying to. But then sometimes I feel as I’m not fearful and I’m just avoiding hurting him. So that scares me too. :(

@swill321 OCD can do wonders to our minds. Hang in there, try to talk your emotions out with a therapist and maybe then your boyfriend :)

@Enna2 I don’t want to talk about this to him because I can’t keep hurting him. I’ve talked to him about multiple obsessions, he knows about my ROCD. I can’t hurt him again with another one. That would be too much, considering I just talked to him about an obsession two days ago. This is also known as a compulsion for me.

@swill321 Hopefully professional help can ease your pain. You’re not alone

@Enna2 Working with a therapist right now, but I’ve already gone through the program. I need to re enter and start over but I can’t afford it.

@swill321 My boyfriend just gave me kisses all over my face and was being super sweet. These are just reminders of why I’m not going to leave, and go travel and be single. It made me feel a bit better. I’m not panicking anymore.

@swill321 But then again, I start worrying about “why aren’t I panicking, why isn’t this bothering me? That means it’s not ROCD, and you’re just making an excuse”

He is the sweetest. He’s stuck around through everything. I think that’s a good enough reason to stay if anything

Oh okay thank you! Idk why I don’t feel super anxious anymore. I was just panicking crying, but now all of a sudden when he came to give me kisses on my face randomly I feel better? I’m not searching for an answer right now. Did this ever happen to you? Was just this a moment of clarity? But now I find myself thinking “well I need to be obsessing and panicking because if I’m not, it’s not ROCD” even though I was just panicking 5 minutes ago.