I think of maybe having an apartment to myself, and being very happy. But then I think of my boyfriend not being there with me and get sad. This “happy” feeling is bothering me because I don’t want it. I want to be happy in OUR apartment. When I think of leaving him I cry. But I don’t want that to turn into a happy feeling too, the thought of me leaving him. Am I just staying out of guilt because he’s been here for me since day one? Is anyone else going through this? I feel like being single would be fun and to explore the world. But at the same time, I love my boyfriend so much and I don’t want to feel happy when I think of being single. I can’t leave him. We have a great apartment together, 2 cats, and he has ALWAYS stuck by my side. The least I can do is do the same for him right? But then again I shouldn’t stay out of guilt. We JUST moved in together a month ago and I was the happiest girl alive. We bought all this furniture. He bought me my dream bed frame, and room stuff. Someone please help. Is this OCD? Or is this real because of that happy feeling?

Your not alone. I was married for almost 27 years. My ex wife cheated on me with a guy barely older than our kids. Since I married a lady I have been friends with for 10 years. I still wonder sometimes if I did the right thing. When I think this i get very anxious. So I think that is my OCD. I hope this helps

Thank you for commenting! Yeah I was obsessing about something else 5 days ago. Now it’s this. And also it’s not like he’s holding me back from doing stuff, but even if I wanted to I have a job and I couldn’t afford to leave and travel. I’m also doing online classes. It’s funny because he was talking about maybe after college going to Iceland, and travelling around the world. So I’m just gonna tell myself “we will travel when we can. It will come when the opportunity arises.”

@swill321 You are going to get better ❤️ I am here for you, you are seen, and your feelings are valid.

@ASandridge Thank you! I appreciate that. I don’t want to leave my boyfriend. I love him. Yes being single and travelling the world sounds fun, but I know what I have here is more meaningful, and I’d probably get lonely anyways doing that. Trying to just affirm my situation here

@swill321 Oh absolutely! Oftentimes it feels like the “goal” of intrusive thoughts is to make us feel like what we have and what we are isn’t good enough so it would make sense that we would have intrusive thoughts about our relationships, no matter how healthy and good they are for us. Thanks for sharing your story it has brought me a lot of comfort in my own :)

@ASandridge I’m glad it brought you comfort :) I mean the idea of travelling isn’t intrusive because I feel like I’ll enjoy it but the thought I’d have to leave my boyfriend, or even like the thought walking out the door and giving him a hug makes me cry and panic because he has been here for me through it all, and it’s not like he doesn’t want to travel. So that would be selfish of me.

But then at the same token, the trip with him sounds better. Like having someone to help me with directions and stuff, and him being there to just be my partner to have fun with.

@swill321 The thought will run in your mind, and if we feed compulsions, it will worsen. Talk to a therapist and get CBT and exposure therapy if they give u . It will help. We are not alone 😃

@nimziewd It feels like I legit want to do this. I guess I’ll tell him. :(