Having a really rough/emotional day today. I just don’t know if I want to marry my fiancé. I have no reason aside from how I feel. He’s an amazing person, yet I can’t shake this feeling that I might not want to be with him. It’s like every time I think I feel good about it, some sort of mental/emotional block stops me. If I were to break up and call off the wedding, maybe my doubts and anxieties and this horrible feeling would go away. That’s what I think sometimes. I also have a hard time believing it’s OCD and not just my body trying to protect me. I hate that I do this to him. Our wedding is 6 weeks away, it can’t be easy for him to hear this. I’m so thankful for his patience. But it hurts me to do this to him.

Thank you! I’m definitely stressed with wedding planning, etc. No doubt about it. But these feelings are horrible and it’s so hard to shake them. It makes me feel like I’m fighting myself and convincing myself to stay. I appreciate your suggestion though! I will try writing some stuff down! Thanks!

@boathout Yup my situation is that we dated for 3 years got married and then stress increased living together for the first time finances etc. Then one night the thought of me not loving my new wife kicked in and I became depressed for months trying to battle all of this. I learned that thoughts are thoughts and the brain isn't this magical organ that can just know everything about us etc ..keep working on it excersize eat well and sleep.

@tracechills Do you see a therapist?

@boathout Yeah I do but I also went on a quest of information and learning about how the brain works as well as meditation.

@tracechills Is your therapist through NOCD? I had a diagnostic meeting with an NOCD psychologist. She definitely thinks it’s ROCD but sometimes I’m not convinced, like I said. I can start therapy this week with her but I’m also nervous about it, especially since I’m already so stressed.

@tracechills I have the same kind of story. My wife and I got married in March of this year. OCD exploded 3 months in. Have been in therapy with an OCD specialist doing ERP since July. On hard days like this one, I continue to choose to move forward. OCD wants me to go back and check if I meant everything or if I was lying to everybody including myself. I get to choose whether or not I go back and ruminate. Let’s keep moving forward in spite of

@AJB87 Have you noticed ERP helping?

@AJB87 Yeah man exactly except I got hit with rocd and hocd suffered impotence and it has been crazy. Now I'm back to having a solid love life with my wife and working everyday enjoying life but I still have the lingering feeling of me being in denial, it will all come back, or in the future I'm just gonna ruin my marriage and my life. Started in Feb then relapsed last month but now I'm much better. Don't give up guys.

@boathout Yes. It has helped me learn to choose to love my wife despite what a thought might tell me. And how I choose to love her is by serving her in a practical real way. That has helped quiet the thoughts and lessen the anxiety. It’s a daily choice.

@tracechills I deal with the same lingering feelings. We’re gonna make it to the other side! 💪🏼 🥊

@AJB87 Yup exactly man love is a choice as humans we choose ... We make our realities our brains aren't these mysterious organs that knows everything about us be strong friends

Thanks for your help!