I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know if I’m going through ocd anymore but the thoughts keep breaking every way I used to think and I feel so confused. I feel like I don’t know how to think correctly anymore and I’m scared because I don’t think anyone could every understand and help me. It feels like my brain is changing too much and I’m going crazy. The thoughts make sense to me and they make more sense everyday. I feel like all of the thoughts I’ve been having in the past months have been breaking my mind. I wasn’t too worried before because I was hoping it was just ocd and it would pass but I really feel like my head is totally screwed up. I keep getting thoughts that I should admit myself to a hospital but I can’t stop thinking about what could go wrong. I don’t even know if any of this is real or if my mind made up a story but that’s super confusing too and my brain goes and thinks about that all the time. I was going to share with my brother last night but it’s just the fact that I’ve reached the point where I don’t even think my thoughts are wrong anymore and if someone were to ask me if I was a danger to other I couldn’t even say with confidence that I wasn’t. I’m still friendly and empathetic towards people irl but it feels like in my head that something is happening and I’m going insane. And I feels like I’m only writing that it’s insane to lie and not alarm others and that really I believe these thoughts. It’s so much that I can’t write out because it’s too out there and I’m afraid a therapist would misunderstand. I’m afraid I’m just delusional in thinking I have ocd and I’m just trying to avoid responsibility for my terrible thoughts and there are so many other reasons I think something else is happening to me but I also don’t want to go down the route of psychoanalyzing why I’m thinking this way because I really don’t want to get deeper in it. Honestly a lot of the times I feel like I’m just writing in ocd terms because of all that I’ve read and I think I have ocd off of what others have told me but I’m been viewing things incorrectly like a hypochondriac so now I’m in this problem of I don’t know how to think. I try and tell myself again and again that I’m done with this and I’m fine but then my mind won’t let these things go because they’ve just affected everything so much and I feel like I’m so wrapped up in this story in my head thats scaring me. I’m still considerate and kind towards my family members but I feel so different. I feel so deep in thinking and my thoughts that I don’t even know if they’re intrusive or not are at the front of my head and I feel like I’m losing it. Right now i only do what I think is right in the moment but I can’t stop freaking out about how different mentally I feel from before and all the reasons I’ll never get better. I’m sorry for being so annoying, I just cant express any of this to anyone I know in real life, they’d think I was going crazy.

"Pure" OCD

Freemeofocd

Date posted: 5y

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, I can relate to you. Your mind is tricking you. It’s always going to try and convince you of the worst case scenario the more you hyper focus on it. I know it’s easier said than done. I’ve been completely drowning in the darkest waters of my mind for the past month and a half and it’s been debilitating. It has made me question everything about myself and my character. You aren’t alone, I’m here for you.

Scribble

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. I just don’t know what to do. I haven’t found a local therapist yet, the one I wanted to see doesn’t have an opening until November. And if i see a therapist here, I’m afraid they’ll tell me I don’t have ocd or I’ll freak out them or even myself my expressing these thoughts.

Scribble

Date posted: 5y

I literally feel like I don’t want to do anything else but think and try to figure this all out but it’s too much stuff and I get more everyday. I allowed myself to go into it because I didn’t want to treat it as ocd if it wasn’t. I just have so many pointless thoughts, I don’t feel at all like the person I used to be, and it feels like I could never go back because of all that I’ve thought

Freemeofocd

Date posted: 5y

Again, I can relate to everything you’re saying. I know it’s so much easier said than done, I’ve been feeling horrible every single day for the past month and half, that can take a huge toll on your psyche for sure. Up until yesterday I was suffering so badly, and it still can hit me any second again, it goes in waves. I know how it feels to think you’re losing your mind. It is absolutely terrifying. I know how it feels to only wanna try and figure out what’s going on in your brain and you can’t find the motivation to do anything else. Yesterday was the first time I was able to clean my room and organize some things and throw away some junk. That helped a little bit.

Morpheus 75

Date posted: 5y

What puzzles me in your writings you kind does is that you write things about thinking, but you don't tell anything about WHAT ARE your thoughts ? Maybe it's complicated for you to materialize your thoughts with words but it's really helpful to do so believe me 😉

Freemeofocd

Date posted: 5y

Are you safe right now scribble? Don’t feel alone in this ❤️

Scribble

Date posted: 5y

I am. Thank you for taking the time to check up and help me feel a bit better at my lowest. ❤️ I just feel weird in my head and I keep getting thoughts I don’t want but I’m going to try my best to start the day and find something to do to keep myself from thinking.

Kdeemz

Date posted: 5y

I feel like we all have those moments forsure. Our thoughts are SO convincing. I struggle with harm OCD and I literally felt me killing someone was inevitable, like it was going to happen because I couldn’t control my thoughts. Our brains like to think of scary stories and what ifs aka catastrophigize eberything. It’s so tiring and makes you feel alone and crazy, I’ve been there!

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