My girlfriend had mentioned once that she might be polyamorous and I’m obsessing over it, and jumping to conclusions that she is. I might not be able to be with her if she is but I don’t want to tell her that because I want her to feel free to figure this out for herself and not afraid. Relationship OCD on my end to top this off ???

Im so sorry and I completely know this. My ex-boyfriend wanted an open relationship, which is popular with gay men, but I am monogamous and always will be. I hope this helps you because how I told myself this to get past it is you deserve to be happy. Monogamy is a value; it is who you are as a person. You should be proud of yourself for knowing you cannot be with someone who is non-monogamous because it means you have set values and do not compromise your values or who you are as a person for anyone because that would mean sacrificing your own happiness for someone else’s. A relationship is 50/50. If she does not know, it seems she does not have her values developed and matured. You deserve every bit of happiness with someone who not only makes you happy, but with whom you also make happy because you are aligned in values, goals, and what you need as a person to be happy. Do not compromise your values or who you are as a person for someone else. Compromise is something in a relationship of course, but not with values and goals. If someone is going against who you are and it’s impacting your mental and/or physical state, you are sacrificing your happiness. I’m proud of you for mentioning “I might not be able to be with her if she is” because that means you know who you are! Be proud of that! I’m not saying be rash, but have a conversation about it. If polyamory is unacceptable to you because your value is monogamy and it is a dealbreaker, be up front because you BOTH deserve to be happy. I had to do this with my ex. I can tell you that I felt a ton of relief and happiness knowing I had a fresh start to find someone who accepts me for who I am and values everything I do. It hurts as always because it’s an emotional connection, but the path to your own happiness is making sure you’re both happy and you hold yourself true. Communication is absolutely hands down the key to healthy, loving relationships. This statement may not help, but it helped me a lot. People and relationships come and go. Value the bond you had and what you learned not only about relationships, but also about who you are as a person, including needs and desires to support your happiness and others, your identity, and others’ identities and needs for them to be happy as well. :)

Thank you so much for your response, I cried a little because it really helped me not feel alone and understand. It’s hard to say whether or not she is polyamorous, but this helps me build the confidence to be firm in what I know I need to be happy. I appreciate this so much thank you! ❤️

How am I supposed to not freak out when she’s hanging out with her friends or sleeping over - also both guys and girls. even though I trust her on not cheating sexually, how do I calm myself when she might be emotionally attached?