I think I’m having a major depressive episode and I’m scared. Everytime I get overwhelming PTSD flashbacks I get suicidal thoughts or I start crying uncontrollably. When will my suffering end? I’m so overwhelmed. How will I function the rest of my life? I’m barely holding it together.

Thank you so much ❤️. It’s crazy how I can never take my own advice but I have the tools that I acquired over 13 years and 2 therapists. Yes! I always like adding people on here and meeting new people. My IG is @yassiebat

@Anxiousgirl I have added you 🙂 I know I’m exactly the same it’s so easy to say isn’t it but never to do

Hey girl. Thanks for checking in ❤️ yeah I’m doing better today. I think because I drank all weekend again plus just the isolation I’m feeling during pandemic I got really overwhelmed all at once and my PTSD flashbacks hit me hard. I just started crying. I’m really struggling to find motivation to try my best but I’m still going and trying each day. It’s just all so difficult without medication.

@Anxiousgirl Oh man I didnt realize you didnt have medication. So sorry you're struggling with these ❤ Glad you are safe. Dont forget about the crisis line if you are feeling scared. And we're here for you

@catattak I had an urge to call but I do have my therapist and she never seems too worried about it. She just reminds me how strong I am. Yeah I currently do not have insurance unfortunately. When I was on medication I was great at work and distracting myself. It’s the reason why I’m processing so many memories now because I’m off medication and have time to think. And my job security is not very stable I may be laid off in November so I am freaking out. I’m comfortable here with a good manager who is patient with me.

@Anxiousgirl That is really tough. I'm also absolutely shit at working these days. I'm leading a campaign launch in a month and have so little done. But it's so overwhelming and sometimes I get trapped in cleaning loops and cant touch my laptop. It's really difficult. Plus what I mentioned before, just being at a computer constantly with the ability to google whatever, whenever doesnt help. I really realize work is my gateway to insurance coverage for therapy and medication. It's really scary to be so tired to that and not have the ability to be my best self as an employee. I cant imagine what you are going through without meds.

@catattak I’m not sure how it is in Canada but the US healthcare system is shit and it’s so expensive here God forbid if you don’t have insurance and you have an emergency. Paying for meds out of pocket is so expensive sometimes without that insurance copay. It’s crazy because we are all human and should be entitled to affordable healthcare. I will have to apply for the cheapest plan through New York State and go from there. I can imagine with your cleanliness ocd how hard it is getting through the work day with the laptop right in front of you. I think it’s important to go out for fresh air too because being in front of a screen is not healthy. I made my desk in my queen sized bed which is horrific because I’m sick of this bedroom. I can work in the living room or kitchen but my family is too much and I can’t have that negative energy.

@Anxiousgirl Here physical health care is covered - your doctor and anything hospital related but not physio dental or mental health or prescriptions beyond the age of 25. I think it's just my province that covers prescriptions for those underlying 25 (not the whole country). I love having the OPTION to work in my bed but couldnt keep it up. I bought a mini trampoline though and its light enough that i just toss it outside on my in some sunshine and go ham on it. It honestly lifts my spirits so much (so long as I can touch it which is tough some days. But so long as I can convince myself it's okay so long as I dont touch my face and then wash my hands straight away I can manage)