I saw a thing on Facebook that said Narcissists, psychopatha, and sociopath don't have a sense of empathy. They don't have a sense of empathy and won't develop it, so they can never love anyone..with me feeling empty and not feeling sad or upset a lot and just feeling numb I'm honestly scared I can't feel love and I'm actually crazy....would I know if I was heartless?

Today, my boyfriend — who usually doesn’t post much — made a really sweet TikTok with me. He used a trend where he called me his princess and posted it on Close Friends. It was thoughtful and loving… but I felt nothing. And that terrified me. Last night, I looked at him while we were lying in bed and had a thought: “I lost feelings. I don’t like him anymore.” It hit me like a wave, and since then I’ve been so scared that this is all the proof I need that I don’t love him. The worst part? I’m not feeling any positive emotions at all. No joy. No spark. No connection. I’ve been trying so hard for so long to feel something — anything — and I just can’t. I’m scared that the numbness means the love is gone. I’m scared I never truly loved him. I’m scared I’ve just been coping all this time, forcing it. I feel like the relationship is fake, like I’m fake, and everything is falling apart. And still… he keeps showing up for me. He’s loving, kind, and consistent. He tells me how much he loves me. But I can’t feel the warmth anymore, and I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m miserable, I feel like a shell, and I’m terrified that this is my truth — that I don’t love him and I’m just in denial. I need help. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living in this constant fear, panic, and emotional numbness. I don’t know what to trust anymore — the thoughts, the feelings, or the memories that feel blurry. Has anyone felt this too?

Recently I’ve been getting these very intense episodes of feeling extremely annoyed, irritable and touchy. I start to think narcissistic thoughts like feeling extremely entitled, envious of others and just overall snotty and rude but also horrible about myself. I take everything personal in these moments even though I know it’s stupid to do so. with harm ocd it also makes it 10x worse because they urges are worsened by the anger and intense emotions and sometimes I feel like just crying or this deep pit in my stomach of fear and dispare about the future like where am I heading and who am I becoming? I’ve excessively been on Gemini asking about covert narcissism, because my family disagrees with the idea of me being a narcissist along with my therapist but I just can’t let it go because I actually genuinely believe it. When I want to make things right it feels so self centered and I don’t know the right way to genuinely care about others. Maybe I already do?? I can’t tell if this is all just anger, intense fear and overwhelm, from med changes (went from lexapro to buspar) or processing grief (grandpa died in February) but sometimes I feel even worse because in my head I believe the grief only effects me and I need total attention and care 24/7. and start wondering if this is a subconscious way of thinking for me that I just assume is ocd and anxiety. I feel so tense and when I get in these moments I feel like I’m about to combust, I dissociate, feel like sobbing, isolating, or yelling but can’t tell if it’s all caused from an “ego blow” or something that someone did that made me feel bad about myself and that’s why I feel such high self pity. idk anymore but this feeling is terrifying especially the more I believe I’m a narcissist everything is evidence. I even start wondering what if this is rage, or hatred or resentment? like deep down dark feelings?

I just need to get this off my chest but I feel like every time I develop romantic feelings for someone, it’s never genuine, it’s never love, it’s a placement of feelings and what I ideally want out of a romantic relationship onto a single person and it’s just not fair to them. It’s an obsession, obsession with an idea of someone and not for what they truly are. Picking out traits that I like and value in a partner, picking apart a person like they aren’t real. It’s just not healthy. I want to be able to love and be loved. I know that this person will never feel the same and it is not their fault, but I’m still hurt over this idea of them that I’ve built in my head. I’ve constructed a false persona for this person just because they embody something that I am seeking, and to be honest, I can’t tell if that’s a friend or just someone to give me the time of day because I’m so desperate to be heard and seen, I want attention, to be wanted even if it means being used or just given a moment to be in their presence. I don’t think I could ever be in a relationship, I feel like I am clouded by delusion, I feel crazy. Maybe that’s simply because I just am not emotionally stable enough to engage in a meaningful relationship to any degree. There was this person that I took a liking to and saw as a potential someone to become a large part of my life, but they don’t think anything of me, so for the long periods of time that I received nothing but radio silence, I was left with alone with my thoughts and holding onto whatever sliver of hope that they might feel the same. None of it is real. I want to feel normal and not get so emotional over every relationship I ever form, especially those that come with romantic feelings. I don’t know how to overcome this, all I can think about is them. Do I just confess my feelings and get it over with? Face the rejection so I can move on? Or just be left wondering and seeing out how this relationship progresses…even if that risks fading into absolute nothingness and never interacting again? I’m just so caught up in my head over someone who will never ever think twice about me. Sometimes I feel they may hate me even and just be responding with kindness out of courtesy and the fact that they are just a genuinely good person. I have no hard feelings towards them, they’ve done nothing wrong. I just can’t help but be mad at myself for feeling this way, allowing myself to fall into this again. It happens every time I get close. Do you think I’m being crazy or is it normal? I don’t even know what I wanted out of this relationship, maybe relationships aren’t something written for me. Do you think I’ll ever be able to get to a point where I can develop a healthy, non-obsessive, truly meaningful relationship? Any advice??