I know i am talking to strangers at the moment so it is weird to me to do this but behind the strangers I feel there might be also people as me with their own problems who may understand me. I need to leave this somewhere. I have a really hard time making my own decisions in general. whether it is leaving my relationship or speaking to my boss, I need ussually a lot of reassurance. I don’t feel safe with my own decisions, and I am always afraid of making a mistake or missing of the multiple factors to take into account. I have the feeling this ruins my life. I have an incredibly close relationship with my mother, which is my ancor and the only person that truly was there for me when I needed someone. I have many friendships but unfortunately due to many reasons they were never fully close friendship, of that type you can call when you feel your lowest. I moved frequently from place to place, currently in a foreign country, where it is hard to meet new people. I am Spanish and we are naturally quite warm hearted people, and its hard for me to click sometimes with other different types. I am 25 and as I see myself transitioning into adulthood, i see myself so weak and unfit to deal with the hardships of life. I lost my dad 2 years ago, and my mom, now 63, just the thought of losing her made me feel the most alone person in the world. I would prefer to die if she was gone. I have been thinking about it and crying bitterly for 2 hours. Ocd turns me into a weak and insecure person, overanalizing, undervaluing myself and makinf my life a hell. In life you have to be so strong and practical, i feel ocd is making me handicapped. I feel nowadays friendships are so superficial, there is no time after work for Anything, it is so hard to deal with life. No one understands ocd excepts my mom, that saw the same problem in my dad. I feel without her I will be unableto go on. I wish i had good friends i could call and give a hug. I have the feeling society is so fake and superficial, and no one opens up completely, just ‘enough’ to make it seem like a good thing, but it really isn’t. Nothing I find compare to the trust of someone i could call at any time, like my mother. I would like to have that type of friend in my life. A person that has my back and that really cares about me. Its a shame. I wonder if anyone has ever felt like me, but with the passing of the years I feel more disappointed to see that I know a lot of people, but nothing is meaningful and everyone looks for their own interest. I hope someday I will find someone i can call a friend. Right now I feel so lonely on my struggle and so afraid to lose my mom.