zeep
- Date posted
- 4y
ocdm.7ocdm.7
- Date posted
- 4y
you haven’t messed up!!! lots of people question their sexuality! lots of people don’t have boyfriends and are incredibly happy! have you tried talking to a therapist?
zeepzeep
- Date posted
- 4y
i hate that i questioned my sexuality in the past. i want nothing more than to be straight and be happy about being straight. i feel like i’ve ruined everything for myself. i hate ocd, but i would hate myself even more if this wasn’t ocd. i haven’t talked to a therapist bc im scared that they will tell me it isn’t ocd, and if it wasn’t i don’t think i could take it. i hate everything about myself, why can’t i just be happy, it’s not fair. i’m so scared all the time, and the more i think the more i feel like i’m just in denial. thank you for replying
ocdm.7ocdm.7
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep if you don’t mind me asking why are you so worried about being gay? do you not want to be gay or is it just frustrating being confused?
UghUgh
- Date posted
- 4y
@ocdm.7 I think that’s a personal question for the individual
zeepzeep
- Date posted
- 4y
@ocdm.7 i don’t want to be gay because that’s not what i hoped my life would be and it doesn’t make me happy to envision my future as a gay person. this doesn’t mean that i’m homophobic it just means that it’s not what i want my life to be like and i just don’t like it.
ocdm.7ocdm.7
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep i completely understand that. have you talked to anyone else about this?
ocdm.7ocdm.7
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ocdscary ?
thehappylionthehappylion
- Date posted
- 4y
Hi! I had this same type of OCD when I was about your age. I’ll tell you, it was awful. Logically, in my non-OCD mind, I knew that I liked men and had plenty of whiny journal entries to back that up. However, my OCD did whatever it could to convince me it was a lie and that I was lying to myself. Like you, I was worried my therapist would say it wasn’t the OCD. Why was I worried? I was scared that all the real feelings I had for men would be taken just like. But the thing is, that’s just the OCD talking. Now, on the chance it’s not OCD and you are queer, that’s totally okay! Plenty of queer people have happy high school relationships, if that’s what you’re worried about. They go on to live happy and fulfilling lives. Either way, it’s worth talking about.
zeepzeep
- Date posted
- 4y
nonono i don’t want to be gay no 😭
thehappylionthehappylion
- Date posted
- 4y
@zeep Hi! I think you misread my post. I’m not saying you’re gay, I’m saying there’s a chance that what you’re feeling is sexuality based OCD. Anyone can have it, regardless of sexuality! Like I shared in my story, I had that type of OCD at your age. In the end, I turned out to be straight, just struggling with a vicious type of OCD. This is why I recommend talking to your therapist. If it is OCD, you can fight it. Have you ever had a romantic crush on the member of the opposite sex? This is a question I used to talk back to my OCD. Like “hey. Look. You can’t invalidate my feelings, OCD!” Even if it’s not OCD, it’s worth talking about because you seem scared. If you do turn out to be gay (again, not saying that you are), you shouldn’t hate yourself for it! I also want to assure you that despite the fact you’re struggling with this OCD right now, it won’t fog up all your teenaged memories. I remember my OCD, but looking back, I just see me and my friend goofing around. I see me fangirling over cute boys on YouTube. I see me hating math. The OCD doesn’t win. The memories do, even if it sucks right now!
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