I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I’m getting thoughts about everything and it’s freaking me out. I know it probably just imaginary but I have a fear that these thoughts are changing the way I view the world and think and eventually I won’t be able to resist anymore. There’s nothing I can do the stop the thoughts, it doesn’t feel like ocd at all because it’s just to complicated and real. I’m scared of how these thoughts are going to cause me to think but my mind keeps telling me that all I used to think before was only to follow the majority and it seems true and now my brain is going to places I really wish it wouldn’t and that it would stop. It feels more like resistance than intrusive thoughts, I feel like eventually I’m going to lose my sense and go insane and it actually feels like it’s already happened but I haven’t act on it yet. I feel like I’m going to be psychotic outcast by the time this is over. I never used to think like this and I’m very scared I’m going insane. I feel confused and I feel terribly about myself that I’m even worrying about these things or even going through this. I feel like I’ll be this way forever and I’m going to keep getting crazier. This wasn’t the person I wanted to be but I feel like I don’t have a choice aside from just holding it in until I can’t take it anymore and just allow myself to think these thoughts. I’m so tired of this, my brain always finds more to bring up to me to further confuse me and make me feel crazy and broken in the head. I feel like I’m lost in a fictional story but it feels like a real disaster is happening to me mentally and it making me feel crazy.

"Pure" OCD

Scribble

Date posted: 4y

Ever since seeing things on the news about 9/11 I’ve gotten terrible intrusive thoughts about it that haven’t gone away. I want to get help with whatever it is I’m going through, but I’m afraid I’ll be considered a potential threat because these thoughts and that it will ruin my life or damage me further psychologically to be seen as a dangerous person. During the first few months I had a strong suspicion it was ocd, but it doesn’t feel like that at all anymore. It feels like I just going crazy because of all I’ve seen and everything happening the country. I don’t want to be insane, but my mind keeps questioning everything and making me think differently in a way that causing me too much distress. If this is ever over, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to deal with the fact that I’ve had these types of thoughts, their so opposite to the person I viewed myself as a few months ago but my mind keeps telling me everything I thought before was naive and that I’m having an awakening.

kshoemaker625

Date posted: 4y

I understand all your fears. I dont want this to be reassurance, but your verbiage sounds a lot like ocd. Its very sneaky. I wish I had an answer for you on what to do, but im still figuring that out myself. Just remember that people do heal, you can get back to who you want to be, and until you do be as gentle with yourself as you can

Scribble

Date posted: 4y

@kshoemaker625 I know, but my brain goes on to tell me that I only write in ocd terms because of all that I’ve read about ocd and I’m only making myself believe I have it to not accept the truth. It’s not your fault though, my brain has been doing this for a while. :( Sometimes I feel beyond repair and that I shouldn’t take care of myself if I’m a bad person, but I try to remind myself that all of these thoughts are most likely coming from a illness, at least I hope.

Scribble

Date posted: 4y

@recoverme I used to during the first few months, but now it just feels all to real to ignore and not go into. I try to tell myself to just let it go and focus on the present but I’m only ever able to do it for a few minutes until the stress about how these thoughts are going to affect my life comes back.

Makki23

Date posted: 4y

I feel actually the same way, its horrible

kkny

Date posted: 4y

@Scribble So try to extend they few minutes a little longer each time.

K-Dizzle

Date posted: 4y

I'm also terrified that I'm going to act on my thoughts. That I won't be able to control it anymore. It brings me deep pain and has totally controlled my life. The thoughts are constant and I'm afraid if I don't fight them, I'll end up acting on them.

kshoemaker625

Date posted: 4y

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know its tough, I've had bad episodes that I literally felt everything you've written. Hang in there ❤

Scribble

Date posted: 4y

Thank you. I just feel like this is going to change me forever and that all my morals are disappearing. It’s not the person I wanted to grow up to be :(

kkny

Date posted: 4y

@Scribble I hear ya. However, our one choice is to live in the present and pursue our values and who we want to be.

Meof3

Date posted: 4y

What you just described reasonated with me and so many people here. Ocd sucks. I am having a tough time right now. And of course I just received some bad news which made it worse 😔 but we can get through it somehow. Just try to not seek assurance. The only way out.

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