PLEASE READ I wake up everyday with a thought and heartache that I am getting used to live with my boyfriend around and I don't love him anymore and that I lied to myself since a long time that I love him and it hurts :( Today I woke up with the very same thought when I had ocd ish dream. because I had a crush on a guy for days or two even when I was in a relationship with him. I didn't do anything about that crush and I didn't recall it until recently. But my mind days that I started lying to myself that I love my boyfriend after getting a crush over another guy . I don't recall. And my mind is making things up which scares me to death. I have dreams of my exs but m glad that even in my dreams I chose my boyfriend as in my consciousness he is there even though my dreams shoe the opposite. Why am I being so mean..... I feel like I am hiding that I don't love him anymore behing this distortion and faking everything.

Relationship OCD

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

Thoughts like: - I’m a fraud - I don’t really love him - I’m a liar - I can’t be in this relationship - I don’t deserve this relationship - I’m a bad person for not leaving - I’m eventually going to have to leave Are all normal for ROCD. I’m guessing that when you’re doing things that you typically think of as “couple things” where you “should” be feeling a certain way are when they pop up. And the doubt that arises from having these thoughts can be very distressing and debilitating. This fatalistic idea that you’ve never really loved him and have to leave when that thought is intrusive, inescapable, anxiety provoking, and causes you to want to do compulsions (like mentally review your relationship, physically or mentally “check” your feelings, or leave/breakup to escape the uncertainty and fear) are what makes this ocd. People who don’t love their partners and want to break up don’t agonize over having these thoughts and feelings. They actively know what they do and don’t want. And then they have to make the choice of what to do and how to do it.

nimziewd

Date posted: 5y

Yes :( my therapist hasn't diagnosed me properly though . In India they mostly believe that something is wrong with ur relationship. She says i have cognitive distortion and tries to tell me her experience of when she was in an abusive relationship and how she got out..... But I told her my relationship didn't have any red flags and it's not only that I have relationship doubts on such a par, I also get other themes. It sucks that she doesn't understand me. I only had video sessions with her given this situation. She took my anxiety text and she tells that it took her to something dangerous and she doubts the result.

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

@nimziewd I’m sorry you’re struggling to get proper help with ocd. Have you tried reading any books on ocd or buying an ocd workbook? It may give you a better sense of what’s going on and make you feel more understood. Unfortunately, ocd with mental compulsions are rarely understood by general therapists. OCD specialists are often necessary to get the right diagnosis and help.

nimziewd

Date posted: 5y

@pureolife Exactly I didn't find any book in India. It was there on Amazon but unavailable as the dealer must be abroad.

nimziewd

Date posted: 5y

@pureolife Thank you :)

nimziewd

Date posted: 5y

She says don't use ROCD word so lightly And it hurt me I was telling that my symptoms are like that and I never knew about it until I googled if my things were normal.

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