I have urges not doing anything with my husband... 😞 I loved cuddling with him giving him head rubs... every time I wake up I feel nothing... I want to be with him normally again.. I keep having urges to break up with him when I don’t want to... 😖 I don’t wanna lose my baby... I don’t want a new boyfriend... I don’t want the other man touching me 😭 I hear thoughts tell be just friends... I believe my thoughts and feelings bc I kept testing say I’m not in love with him just to test myself 😭 I shouldn’t have done that.... my relationship of 10 years is gonna end! 😭😭

Also: this is a good page to read to get a basis for ROCD: https://ocdla.com/rocd-relationship-ocd-myth-of-the-one-3665

I’m gonna ask my doctor today if there’s any way to help me find one. I’m just nervous of my doctor judging me and telling me to end my relationship... bc I had that happen before 😞

@Mandy7710 That’s common with people who have no professional understanding or training in OCD. Ask for a referral from your doctor, but don’t feel the need to go into details about your obsessions. Just say you’re struggling with obsessive thoughts and anxiety and after a little research you’d like to speak with an ocd specialist to see if they can help. Some doctors also may not have referrals to an ocd specialist and instead will send you to a general therapist who’s just as uninformed. I know I had to seek out an ocd specialty center in my area to get the right treatment. General practitioners and referrals from them got me no where.

@pureolife 😞 I cry everyday about if I love my partner or not.... 😞 I am love him a lot... reading that what if I had actual doubts about him... I remember getting mad at him and saying things I didn’t mean... 😞 I still love kissing my partner. He’s seen me go through this before.. he knows I cuddle up to him bc I’m scared and stressed out... it’s so hard to ignore them... 😞😞 sometimes I don’t hear voices.... I always test myself a lot... been testing myself for 7 years straight... what if it really is me!?.. 😞😞 I don’t wanna new partner. I still love being around him... Yesterday I almost broke up with him but I ignored the urge... I’m worried what if I am with him for the wrong reasons... when I know I am with him bc I love him... but then I hear you don’t love him enough and you know that... just be friends with him.. you can move in without him... find a new partner... I’m scared to get help bc what if I find out it’s actually me!? 😖 I focused on his flaws way too much 😞

@Mandy7710 This is definitely OCD. The what ifs, the testing, the constant rumination and anxiety, etc. is textbook OCD. Treatment can and will help you. I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this for so long! Do NOT break up with him. That is actually a compulsion (we often think breaking up and facing that devastation is better than dealing with this constant doubt and uncertainty and pain.) but with proper ocd treatment, you can leave to manage these thoughts and even have them dissipate over time with ERP. Can you use one of the therapists available through this app? I know some areas don’t have access to that feature, but if you do you’d know you’re getting the right help.

@pureolife I am hoping to hear back from someone about that soon. I went to the doctors and got Zoloft. Right now I am freaking out about just being friends with him and it causing me to panic badly.

@pureolife Freaking out about not wanting to make love with him or cuddling... my husband says I’ve been clingy lately. He knows I’m freaking out badly... 😞

@Mandy7710 Don’t make any big decisions about your relationship right now. Just wait to hear back and start therapy. Make sure to be extra kind to yourself right now: sleep regularly, eat well, keep a healthy routine going.

@pureolife Ok.....

@pureolife I’m scared bc I can’t tell if it’s me or not anymore.....

@pureolife It’s hard to treat myself nicely. My mind makes me feel like I’m okay letting him go... I really don’t wanna break up!! 😞 it’s hard bc I wake up every morning feeling okay with this when I’m not.... I really love him! I feel like every day it’s gonna end 😭

@pureolife When I can cuddle I start feeling sad... before this I was happy... 😞 I want things back to normal again... 😞

@pureolife What if it is me!? I don’t wanna be without him 😭😭 sometimes I don’t have anxiety... 😞 I wanna be with him! I want more memories with him! Why does it feel like I don’t want that anymore 😭😭 I can’t take this!

@pureolife What if the true outcome is to end it!!?? 😖 sometimes I don’t have anxiety... I... why does it have to happen to me again. 😭😭 I feel like at the end of this I am gonna lose him! My head is telling me bunch of different stuff now! I hate it!! I broke up with men I didn’t care or know I truly didn’t love. But it’s different for him! I wanna stay!! My ocd evolved to this!! 😭😭

@Mandy7710 The endless rumination you’re doing right now isn’t helping anything. And if this was how you were going to figure this out, you would have by now. It’s time to try something new. And that means ERP. You need an ocd specialist. And in the mean time you need to not make any big decisions about your relationship, no matter what intrusive thoughts and feelings are coming up. Once you’re in treatment and understand how your ocd is manipulating your emotions more, you’ll see things a lot more clearly. But you can’t right now because you’re stuck in the ocd loop. Stop reviewing your past, stop testing your emotions, stop ruminating over what ifs: these are all compulsions and they’re getting you no closer to real “answers.” They’re just upsetting you. And these questions and ruminations won’t matter at all once you’re in treatment and doing this right.

@Mandy7710 I saw this talk on ROCD on instragram and thought you might find it useful: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CFaZme7DusQ/?igshid=1mw0z1g9bctpa