7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
I am seeing a doctor today... gonna ask to be put on Zoloft 😞
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m so sorry your OCD has attached to your relationship. This is very common for ocd sufferers and you are certainly not alone. Testing is a compulsion and will only make you less certain of your feelings, not more. As hard as it is to resist doing this, you must! It’s only going to fuel your obsession. Don’t beat yourself up so much for doing it already though! You fell into one of the most common ocd traps and we’ve all been there. It’s a sucky feeling but you’ve done no irreversible damage. Your relationship does not have to end because of ocd. Are you able to connect with an ocd specialist? Getting started with ERP can help you regain confidence and learn to tolerate this distress.
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
Also: this is a good page to read to get a basis for ROCD: https://ocdla.com/rocd-relationship-ocd-myth-of-the-one-3665
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m gonna ask my doctor today if there’s any way to help me find one. I’m just nervous of my doctor judging me and telling me to end my relationship... bc I had that happen before 😞
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mandy7710 That’s common with people who have no professional understanding or training in OCD. Ask for a referral from your doctor, but don’t feel the need to go into details about your obsessions. Just say you’re struggling with obsessive thoughts and anxiety and after a little research you’d like to speak with an ocd specialist to see if they can help. Some doctors also may not have referrals to an ocd specialist and instead will send you to a general therapist who’s just as uninformed. I know I had to seek out an ocd specialty center in my area to get the right treatment. General practitioners and referrals from them got me no where.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife 😞 I cry everyday about if I love my partner or not.... 😞 I am love him a lot... reading that what if I had actual doubts about him... I remember getting mad at him and saying things I didn’t mean... 😞 I still love kissing my partner. He’s seen me go through this before.. he knows I cuddle up to him bc I’m scared and stressed out... it’s so hard to ignore them... 😞😞 sometimes I don’t hear voices.... I always test myself a lot... been testing myself for 7 years straight... what if it really is me!?.. 😞😞 I don’t wanna new partner. I still love being around him... Yesterday I almost broke up with him but I ignored the urge... I’m worried what if I am with him for the wrong reasons... when I know I am with him bc I love him... but then I hear you don’t love him enough and you know that... just be friends with him.. you can move in without him... find a new partner... I’m scared to get help bc what if I find out it’s actually me!? 😖 I focused on his flaws way too much 😞
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mandy7710 This is definitely OCD. The what ifs, the testing, the constant rumination and anxiety, etc. is textbook OCD. Treatment can and will help you. I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this for so long! Do NOT break up with him. That is actually a compulsion (we often think breaking up and facing that devastation is better than dealing with this constant doubt and uncertainty and pain.) but with proper ocd treatment, you can leave to manage these thoughts and even have them dissipate over time with ERP. Can you use one of the therapists available through this app? I know some areas don’t have access to that feature, but if you do you’d know you’re getting the right help.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife I am hoping to hear back from someone about that soon. I went to the doctors and got Zoloft. Right now I am freaking out about just being friends with him and it causing me to panic badly.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife Freaking out about not wanting to make love with him or cuddling... my husband says I’ve been clingy lately. He knows I’m freaking out badly... 😞
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mandy7710 Don’t make any big decisions about your relationship right now. Just wait to hear back and start therapy. Make sure to be extra kind to yourself right now: sleep regularly, eat well, keep a healthy routine going.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife Ok.....
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife I’m scared bc I can’t tell if it’s me or not anymore.....
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife It’s hard to treat myself nicely. My mind makes me feel like I’m okay letting him go... I really don’t wanna break up!! 😞 it’s hard bc I wake up every morning feeling okay with this when I’m not.... I really love him! I feel like every day it’s gonna end 😭
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife When I can cuddle I start feeling sad... before this I was happy... 😞 I want things back to normal again... 😞
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife What if it is me!? I don’t wanna be without him 😭😭 sometimes I don’t have anxiety... 😞 I wanna be with him! I want more memories with him! Why does it feel like I don’t want that anymore 😭😭 I can’t take this!
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@pureolife What if the true outcome is to end it!!?? 😖 sometimes I don’t have anxiety... I... why does it have to happen to me again. 😭😭 I feel like at the end of this I am gonna lose him! My head is telling me bunch of different stuff now! I hate it!! I broke up with men I didn’t care or know I truly didn’t love. But it’s different for him! I wanna stay!! My ocd evolved to this!! 😭😭
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mandy7710 The endless rumination you’re doing right now isn’t helping anything. And if this was how you were going to figure this out, you would have by now. It’s time to try something new. And that means ERP. You need an ocd specialist. And in the mean time you need to not make any big decisions about your relationship, no matter what intrusive thoughts and feelings are coming up. Once you’re in treatment and understand how your ocd is manipulating your emotions more, you’ll see things a lot more clearly. But you can’t right now because you’re stuck in the ocd loop. Stop reviewing your past, stop testing your emotions, stop ruminating over what ifs: these are all compulsions and they’re getting you no closer to real “answers.” They’re just upsetting you. And these questions and ruminations won’t matter at all once you’re in treatment and doing this right.
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mandy7710 I saw this talk on ROCD on instragram and thought you might find it useful: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CFaZme7DusQ/?igshid=1mw0z1g9bctpa
Related posts
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 22w
im scared
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 21w
i cant do it
I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.
user36373738
- Date posted
- 20w
Does this mean I don’t love him 😭
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond