I wake up feeling so anxious. Sometimes accompanied by thoughts, sometimes not. Pit in my stomach feeling. Every. Single. Morning. My wedding is 4 and a half weeks away. 😭😳

I think for me, it’s also difficult when I remember how in my previous relationship I started dealing with this too. That relationship ended because I eventually realized it was not what I wanted for several reasons. So now that I’m experiencing the morning anxiousness again, I’m convinced something must be off because that’s how it was last time.

@boathout Sameeeee

@boathout I think when we carry previous experience of ROCD and subsequent break ups it makes it even worse as we know that this could indeed be something which will become a reality. But we are not those previous relationships and neither are our partners - we've grown and history does not have to repeat itself. Hang in there ❤️

@carvz84 Thank you for this encouragement. It’s hard for me to see patterns of ROCD in my past. It was never as clear as it is now, if it even existed at all. But I think maybe some hurtful moments from my past are a part of what’s triggering my ROCD now. That and the fact that I’m about to get married.

@boathout I completely get what you mean. Part of my ERP script at the minute is referring to old relationships where I had ROCD as I get tortured by those 'yeah, this is just the same as the others, you're lying to yourself' thoughts. I know that whilst I did have ROCD, that those relationships did end for other reasons, but the previous terrified feelings still remain. It sounds like yours is a lot worse at the minute, and so typical that its just before such an important time in your life. It really is such an awful thing to deal with and most people don't get it at all :( Really hope you can get in control and not let it ruin this special time for you, sending you love and hope!

@carvz84 Thank you!!

@boathout This thread is super relatable to me and where I’m at! I’m having the same issues—the comparing to past relationships and anxious pit of doom lol. In my case, I struggled with bad ROCD in my previous relationship, and I broke up during a point when the OCD was at its height, but the relationship was abusive, so in my head I keep trying to rationalize that it was “right” last time, so it’s “right” this time. We’ll get there eventually! It’s so hard to feel like this, I know, but we’re gonna keep pushing forward and figure the best way to get through this. When coping on a day to day basis, I try to just focus my optimism from an OCD perspective and not a relationship and things like “It won’t be this bad forever” and “every day I’m working towards managing these feelings,” and spend a little extra time watching shows I like or doing the things I enjoy. Sending you lots of love, I know how hard it is, we’re working through these thoughts together 💕

@sellee I know your comment isn't for me but just to say I appreciate it so much too! It really does help to know we're not alone. I'm just terrified I'll feel this way forever but just have to remember how good I feel when OCD pisses off and let's me have a clear head, once in a while. I've been seeing a therapist for 5 weeks but just started ERP last week so a long way to go. Think I need to completely overhaul my values too and really learn to appreciate what I have! Sending you love and good thoughts too :)

@carvz84 What do you mean by overhaul your values?

@boathout Oh sorry, I just meant my own values :) As in I've given other people's opinions too much prominence and been too easily influenced by the whole 'you'll just know when it's right' kind of thing, believing that you must feel in love all the time etc. I'm a bit of an idiot really lol.

@carvz84 Not true! You are not an idiot!! But I totally get what you’re saying!

@boathout Thank you 😊 I hope we all get to where we want to be! 💕

@carvz84 I was replying to both of you hehe! I enjoyed the whole thread. I think it’s really important to overhaul those values like “when you know you know” etc. too, you’re not an idiot at all! I think a lot of OCD thoughts were things where when we were single we knew they were untrue, but your OCD believes what it wants you to think in order to keep you in the cycle, even things we know are silly or untrue

It’s so hard when I think “I’m not even obsessing right now, but I feel this way. This must mean something is off, something in my life needs to change.”

@boathout My friend went through a break up I feel more annoyed by my guy