Ugh this illness SUCKS !!!! I’ve spoke on here about my struggles with POCD before, as recently it’s become harder to cope with and had gotten harder than it was. Since I’ve posted on here the other day, I was starting to calm down, however on New Year’s Eve, my little nephew came to stay over as my sister (his mum) was going out and needed someone to look after him. I look after him a lot, however he was going to be sleeping over, and not only that, but in my bed (whilst I was also sleeping in it). This wouldn’t have even been a problem before POCD really hit, but I’ve just spiralled and can’t settle my mind. He did sleep over and it was all fine, despite me being so nervous about the whole situation. Everything was fine (even though the intrusive thoughts didn’t stop). However, the next day, an intrusive thought popped to my mind and I was all of a sudden thinking ‘omg what if I’ve done something inappropriate to him or hurt him whilst I was asleep’ even though I know I didn’t do this ! (I mean I know you don’t know what you do when you sleep but I know I didn’t do it because I would never do that!) not to mention, I couldn’t sleep properly on that night because I was panicking so much ! But I can’t get this intrusive thought out of my mind and it’s making me feel so upset and down. I would never do that to him or any child !!!! But my mind just keeps going ‘what if you’ve done something inappropriate to him’. And then today I went shopping with my sister and my nephew and he was acting normal with me but then in the shop he started misbehaving which he doesn’t regularly do, (just stuff like his attitude and things). And at one point, he didn’t want to hold my hand which is strange because he always does, I know this is stupid because kids have days where they misbehave, but obviously my OCD is like well it means this and it means that. I hate it !!! I don’t know what to do, I just want to get the thought out of my head, I don’t want to keep having the ‘what if’ thoughts. How do I get them to go or settle ?!