I feel like my ocd is different, I can’t really explain it. So I’ll try. Because I’m curious if it happens to anyone else. So I feel like mine is more centered around my motive or intention for certain actions. My ocd attaches to my motive or intention, based on a feeling. So for example, say I’m having an obsession, and it’s pocd. And I’m gonna change a diaper. Because I am on high alert and monitoring my every thought, feeling, sensation, urge- and I’m high anxiety as it is because I’m extremely triggered- my mind starts to race and I start questioning my every move. Why did I take the diaper off that way? Why did I choose to wipe x amount of times? Did I wipe too much? Etc. does this resonate with anyone?

I get the same anxiety when changing diapers. Did I accidentally wipe the area for too long or did I do it intentionally? Did I wipe in an inappropriate manner? And God forbid I accidentally graze the area while putting the diaper on or whatever, then it's full blown panic that I did it on purpose. I think with pocd, the whole reason it is so bothersome is because it makes you constantly question your motives and intent, and for me personally, I'm afraid it would make others question my motive and intent around children or see me as a monster (even though my husband is the only person who knows about the pocd).

Honestly, it is so nice to know I'm not alone. I'm really glad I found this app. Oddly enough I found it after a night of googling for a compulsion. Thank you for saying that ❤ You sound like a wonderful mother too! One thing I've always noticed with the ocd is that when I'm not on medication that's when knew obsessions and themes become an issue, and I kick myself for having stopped them because any time I've ever been on meds I never have issues. I find it really interesting and also comforting to know that yours also started after reading about an offense. Just goes to show that it isnt about desire, and it's that it was something so heinous and important of an issue to us that our brains just took off with it. Everything ive read and experienced with ocd is that it grabs hold of the things you find most dear and important to you, so it makes sense that alot of pocd sufferers are parents or those who love/desire to have children. I'm not in therapy as I do not know of any therapists around me who specialize in ocd and there's alot of risk there. Are you doing therapy solely through this app?

I'm actually a new first time mom, so all the post partum hormones have made things so much worse. The first half of my pregnancy was glorious as far as the ocd goes, and then a flip was switched and I was obsessing over everything..the pocd is something I've dealt with in the past but did resolve when I was on fluoextine, but I had to stop it while pregnant and I'm breastfeeding so really apprehensive to take anything because that idea sparks even more ocd! It def is nice to relate to someone. Do you have children?

I do! Our stories are very similar. I’m a first time mom as well. One baby girl, she just turned one this month. What about your child? How old? Girl or boy? I’ve had ocd for my entire life, it’s always switched themes. I had pocd before too, always kind of in the background but after giving birth my contamination, harm and pocd went wild. Mainly the pocd though. It was pretty quiet for the years leading up to her birth, I had like 2 bad episodes in highschool but damn is it back with a vengeance worse than ever 😩 I just started therapy and I just started Zoloft about a month ago. The medication and therapy seem to be helping but it really just latches on to anything and everything involving my daughter is super exhausting. Every diaper change, every bath, every time we cuddle or are affectionate, every time I pick her up. Once I get over one perceived incident another one immediately presents itself. My ocd like jumps from one and latches onto another I never get a break and it’s SO hard.

I have a 5 week old little boy. He is the absolute love of my life. We struggled for so long to get pregnant, suffered a miscarriage, and then a week after he was born started with this bs. About 7 years ago, a good friend of ours was arrested for distributing child porn and none of us knew he had any secrets or issues like that. Shortly after reading the arrest report (which actually gave in great detail what was on the videos) I started with the pocd. I was terrified to tell anyone other than my husband and now having my own child, the thought of him being taken away because of my thoughts is absolutely horrifying. Ive dealt with the harm ocd my entire life (especially towards children) as well as scrupulosity and contamination, though I've never been officially diagnosed with it. I do have PTSD and GAD as well and OCD is usually accompanied by those. I was off and on fluoxetine for about 13 years and was recently prescribed the zoloft since I'm breastfeeding, but I'm terrified it will make him autistic or have a mental disorder later on so I'm just sitting here suffering. We really do have a lot of similarities and mine latches onto different things and runs wild too. I really hope the zoloft and therapy help you so you don't have to lose the precious time with your daughter worrying about something you would never do. It really is exhausting

I will definitely look into it. I'm in Florida. How about you?

I’m from California! The great thing about the therapists on this app is that they are experts in ocd so they’ve heard it all. I feel super comfortable with my therapist.

Well that def helps settle my mind some. Who do you use? There's only a few right?

So not sure who else to talk to, but my OCD is starting to change.. now I'm worrying that my sweet, perfect little boy will grow up to be a pedophile and I'm trying to head it off before I go on Google and worry myself sick. What can I do?