Feeling so guilty, I can’t do this I’m going to tell summarize this story as much as I can. Please someone read and reply. Because I can’t do this this anymore. I’m friends with my ex from 8th grade. He now has a boyfriend, does makeup, and is bi sexual if you were wondering lol. He has had this boyfriend for like 2 and a half years and I’m so happy for them. Anyways, I’m also in a relationship of 4 and a half years. God I love my boyfriend so much. This is why this is killing me even feeling the way that I do. My ocd is telling and making me feel like I have feelings for my ex. These feelings feel real. Just a side note, I have obsessed about this before, but then it went away and my HOCD came back. I was just obsessing if I liked girls 2 days ago. Yesterday I called my ex because his mom asked me to (before my ocd latched on to this, I used to just call him my friend because we dated in middle school) while I was at the fair with my boyfriend and his brother. She said he was having a panic attack. This “ex” is also pretty toxic in his romantic relationships, that’s why we broke up in the first place. He yells, hits walls, has major anger issues. He said he was doing his makeup and messed up and started having a breakdown, banging on his wall, screaming, crying, and then telling me he wanted to die because he was so anxious and tired. I was literally at the fair but I called him because he’s my friend and I care. He asked me to comeover and that it is an emergency. (Mind you, this isn’t out of the norm, we are really good friends and had just hung out Saturday) and I told him I didn’t have my car and I couldn’t. So he got our other friend to comeover. Ocd is making me feel like because I took his call, and because I felt a bit of a yearning to comeover I have feelings for him. I keep thinking of the past with him, and I legit got love feelings, but thinking of him now I really don’t. But then ocd is making me question that. Idk if this is even ocd because for those 2 seconds on that call, the feelings I got felt genuine. This SCARES me. Makes me panic. Makes me cry. Makes me feel so guilty. I also think about on Saturday night, when him and the girls all did our makeup and went to a birthday party, I was taking pictures in the ring light and he was like “you look so sexy” But it wasn’t super weird of him to say that because he’s just a friend and I don’t think he meant it like that. But I got feelings when he said that. (I was obsessing about having feelings for him earlier that day as well) but before ocd I wouldn’t have had a second thought about that comment. Like wtf. We have been friends for YEARS. My boyfriend and I got into an argument last night, and my ex came up because we were talking about who I would call when I was in distress. Instead of calling my ex a friend like I normally do (because before this I really didn’t consider him a real “ex”) I kept calling him my “ex boyfriend”. My boyfriend kind of got upset at this. I told him I’m sorry, and that I will never have romantic feelings for him, just platonic friend love. WAS THAT A LIE? I know I don’t want to be with him but I feel like I do have feelings for him so did I lie? Guys I know my ex IS NOT good for me. He is toxic, he smokes every single day, he has really no aspirations besides moving out to L.A, and he’s also TAKEN! But these feelings are eating me alive. I woke up from a dream of wanting to kiss my ex, but didn’t because I had a boyfriend. But in this dream I wanted to kiss him. This scares me. I’m sitting here shaking writing this. I woke up panicking, sitting here cuddling my boyfriend because I feel so guilty. Do I need to tell him? Is this even ocd anymore? What is going on. I love my boyfriend so much. I think about our memories together and how he has stuck by my side no matter what and I just cry because he’s the love of my life. But I feel so so guilty. I DO NOT want to be with my ex AT ALL. I’ve obsessed about this before, but it feels so so much more real. I need advice. Thinking about telling him makes me panic, because I don’t know if these feelings are real, or if it’s ocd, I DONT KNOW ANYMORE. Someone please help