If I have a fear I will try and end my life one day, what’s an exposure to try and overcome that??

Oh wow thank you. Ahh already that’s so terrifying to think about doing - but have to take those challenging steps hey. Thanks so much

@minimini The other component is to be mindful of reducing or resisting compulsions during the exercise. Be mindful or ruminating, checking, analyzing comparing, or any other compulsion you engage in. You don’t have to focus on perfection. If you’re even resisting them 10% of the time that’s still an improvement. Focus on just making small gains or doing your best in that moment.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thank you so much. That’s some really helpful advice. Not focusing on perfection. It’s hard with suicidal/harm based OCD to know at times whether or not I’m actually in danger to myself or whether it’s just the OCD and I’m actually very safe - does that make sense?

@minimini Sure. If it didn’t “feel real” and you didn’t doubt it wouldn’t be OCD at all! If you could just feel indifferent and knew the thoughts didn’t reflect anything “deeper” about yourself, you’d just move on with life and wouldn’t have an issue. Every person with OCD wonders if it isn’t OCD at all. It gets trickier when people experience less anxiety because treatment is working and then get scared that the lack of anxiety means they might act on their thoughts. It’s all part of the disorder and how it works. I had harm OCD for a decade and was never “sure” I wouldn’t hurt someone. I was also scared that exposure would “push” me towards acting on the thoughts. That fear kept me in the same place for ten years. Now, I hardly ever think about it, and when I do, I know to just keep moving forward. But it’s a process. You don’t take ten months off the gym and run a marathon or lift a personal best in the first week. Also like exercising, if you don’t maintain the habit you can potentially lose your progress. Being in recovery is like brushing your teeth, it has to become a habit you embrace because it improves your well-being.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett That makes a lot of sense thank you. Your advice has been so incredibly helpful. Let’s say I did start to act on fears, like putting myself in dangerous situations to see how I react - would you say that’s really feeding the OCD, the message I am not in control? Because I am just giving into those fears/thoughts?

@minimini Well, there’s a difference between doing a checking compulsion and doing an exposure. For example, at the culmination of my exposure work for harm OCD, my therapist had me hold a knife to her neck while a script I’d recorded about how I would love to murder someone played aloud in the background. Now this is an extreme example, but during the exercise I had to be mindful about letting the thoughts come without ruminating or checking or resisting. If during the exercise I had been ruminating or checking, “Do I want to do this? No, I don’t want to do this, I’m not a bad person. It feels like I want to do it, what if I’m not doing it this time because I know I could get caught?” then I’m doing a compulsion. But if the thoughts are coming and I’m just focusing on the present and letting them be there, that’s deliberate exposure. It’s nuanced, but an important distinction.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Thanks so much. It can be so complex hey. I really appreciate your time and help

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett One last question - hope I’m not bothering you - how would you suggest I go about recovery - from what you’ve read about my OCD in the messages above^. I have a therapist and we speak about the intrusive thoughts but I don’t feel like he fully understands it - he’s not an OCD therapist but knows all about my past which is helpful. It’s such a scary, debilitating struggle (OCD) and I feel so daunted at the thought it’ll just keep being so present in my life. And the fact that the thoughts are always around suicide or self harm is pretty intense, especially cause I almost try convince myself I’ll make it happen

@minimini If NOCD is available in your area, try that! You could also try the iocdf.org page about how to find the right therapist: https://iocdf.org/ocd-finding-help/how-to-find-the-right-therapist/ Or ask your therapist for a referral to an OCD specialist that utilizes ERP. These books can also help: https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346 https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-Personalized/dp/042527389X https://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259 https://www.amazon.com/Needing-Know-Sure-Overcoming-Reassurance-ebook/dp/B07MMQ7HRK https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786