I’ve been too embarrassed to get help for it but my rOCD is seriously getting out of hand. I’ve been finding myself keeping track of the days my husband and I have had sex and when I notice it’s been even just a day after our usual, um... “interval” I sort of start to lose it. I’ll start demanding reassurance and attention because I’ll also be convincing myself that he is cheating or withholding sex from me or that he just isn’t attracted to me anymore even though I know none of those things are true and honestly I think I really am starting to drive him away because of it. Years ago I used to use period tracking apps that had adding intimate days as an option so I figured if I just deleted those it would stop but over a year later I’m still just making mental notes of it instead and I’ve realized I can’t stop. Half the time I’m not even interested in sex but it’s now just a compulsion that I have no control over. Please help!!!

First, you’re definitely not alone. Second, CBT will help. Mindfulness will help. Third, it’s up to a professional to determine the action/amount/frequency/intensity that a specific type of CBT would be right for you. But I can give examples of how to be mindful and what cbt can do... Being mindful for me started with the act of noting... recognizing when I was beginning to have an OCD thought, mentally affirming that this is an illness driven behavior, and symbolically releasing it and ask myself “ok what was I in the middle of doing,” and go back to it with a strict focus on that thing. In dire situations, I use distractions like iphone games to stop myself from circling back to the thought. As for CBT I think ROCD is one of the hardest. You have to take your relationship into consideration and say “is there a valid reason I have these fears and do they need to be talked about.” I think general talk therapy is good to help you become more insightful about your relationship too. But if it’s ROCD related, and not an actual issue with the relationship, then you need to begin challenging yourself. For instance, in your shoes I might start by not writing down the intimate dates, like you have. Then, the next step i might discuss with my doctor would be to mark some of the dates on the calendar that weren’t intimate, as intimate, so I can’t go back and analyze it. Hope that helps!!!

I’d change up the dates but unfortunately all the apps I used to use for it are long deleted. It really is all in my head... I will definitely try everything else though!

I should add that I’ve gotten to the point where now I can’t even listen to love songs or stand to have my husband touch me hear someone make an even slightly dirty joke without being reminded of it. It is seriously ruining my life

Yeah when you realize you’re trying to scan through your memory of the dates and put together some kind of puzzle that would lead to him either withholding or cheating, use the SOS on the app. Find our what is happening around you or mentally when those thoughts are triggered, and try to repeat the phrase “maybe he is withholding or cheating, I will accept the uncertainty and move on.” There’s a freedom in saying “If he is I’ll find out eventually, if and when that comes I’ll deal with it, but that’s not right now so let’s not punish an innocent person” I do the same thing and I know how hard those thoughts are. You can beat this!