Help I don’t want to be atheist

I didnt wanted to post about this but it makes me really sad right now. This post will be about Christianity so if you believe in something else dont read it cause i will mention things that might trigger you. Im struggling with my faith right now and i feel like christianity might be the same like other religions and beliefs. I wont come with the "if theres a God prove it, i want Him to show up" thats ignorant, but i think about some things that keeps me stuck. Before christianity i was really desperate to find the meaning of life so i read about spirituality. Alot of people believe in that and live a peaceful life, cause that thinking makes you have positive behaviours cause they found a meaning. We say other religions are false things but then we say ours is true cause "we feel like its true". So its all about how you feel. Back then i just couldnt relate to spirituality and i found people who were liars and strange people, but we know christians can be that too, so i left spirituality cause it didnt made me feel good. But maybe if i wouldve stayed there and learn more, it generates the same feeling as i have now towards God and now i would say thats the truth cause i feel at peace and that im loved. Many spiritual people feel that, without christian beliefs. Non believers too realized a long time ago that self love is so important. So the problem is that i can never explain why do i believe, i always say "cause i feel that its real" well, if i would be so desperate to pray to a cat God and make myself believe everything I have is from that cat i would feel like its true. So my faith is about how i feel... which can be easily manipulated. And many times people said to me "its just a view, it makes you happy cause youre afraid that life doesnt bavw a meaning" and now i kinda feel like it can be true. Many will say faith is relational, but i can make that relation to anything, as is said if i think theres a big cat somewhere who loves me it can become relational... and then where all this ends it sounds like well God is with us but he doesnt do anything to intervene, you might now feel Him, we dont have any evidence, in the end of the day you just have to trust theres someone who will give you something after this horrible life. And that sounds like you want to give meaning to life. Maybe i didnt got the answers from the best christians, but it sounds to me like you jjst have to trust theres someone out there, and that belief will make you happier... But its the same with every other religion tho... Native americans believed in many Gods and it gave them meaning and a happy peacefull life. But we say thats false... why? Isnt our belief the same? I hope i get some loving anwers, cause im not trying to ruin anyones belief, im just struggling with my faith.

I can’t. I’m so scared. I don’t want to deny the HOLY SPIRIT. I keep having intrusives that make me question my real intentions.

I always want to get close to God and my ocd is always related to me thinking I'm going crazy however my ocd also sticks to religion it kinda pulls me away because I'm scared that I'll go crazy if I focus too much on one thing or do too much of one thing..so I went to the dentist and I was waiting on my boyfriend when this man that was speaking about God came and he was speaking to me and he kept saying I should give my life to God and I told him I want to do it on my timing and he kept saying no and after a while he showed me something in the daily bread and he turned to another women that was a the desk of the dentist and say something along the lines of me being a dead little girl if I dnt follow the word of God or something similar 😔now this makes me scared and it puts a lot of pressure on me because now idk what to do anymore, and I'm lowkey trying to change and get closer to God in some way