Help I don’t want to be atheist

The disciples themselves doubted Jesus. He was with them in person and they still doubted. Even when Jesus came back, Thomas doubted and said that unless he put his finger in the holes in his hands he would not believe and Jesus proved that it was him. I'm not saying Jesus is going to come and show himself. That's what makes us so cool. That even though we have never seen him, we still believe in his existence. That's what faith is for. Have faith that he exists. I highly recommend reading the book of John. At least one chapter.

If you're afraid of becoming atheist, it sounds like you still have a pretty good connection to your spirituality and God! Idk if it'll help you, but you can try journaling your fears of becoming an atheist, writing lists of all the good things God has done for you, rereading your favorite Bible verses, and just praying and pouring your heart out to God. I find that taking a long shower and crying my eyes out while praying helps a lot. There were many biblical figures who doubted God and questioned Him, but their trust in Him was restored. Idk if this was helpful or not but ... crying/praying and writing help me when I worry about my spiritual life.

R u afraid u r becoming one? U can keep believing. U can talk about it if u want.

This could potentially just be another form of obsession.