I would do anything to be normal

Sorry to hear that bro. My family is very loving and patient with me. I've been at this crap on n off for 10 years. The last few months have been hell and over the last week the triggers have intensified as I learned more and done some ERP almost as a way of keeping this shit going longer. I'm really trying hard as I'm getting too old for this shit to keep ruining my life...

I stopped ERP when school started because it’s hard to allocate time, but I need to, because ERP was definitely helping!

@jgutz ERP helps but its difficult and you need to be careful.

Sorry to hear that. No, never took meds. Don't want to. Probably not getting our old life back but we can probably still have a life. My mind really tries to convince but like you said it's not right because it's not us. I'm trying to keep hope but I keep failing.

Lately, it's been bad. I got triggered watching straight porn (I would normally avoid looking at anything involving the dude but I just love watching females get plowed) but I was trying to not avoid since avoidance keeps this going. So I was watching and it felt like crap with all the intrusive thoughts, so I changed the scene and went back to avoiding. Ever since, that shit has been hounding me bad. Now my mind always brings up a girl going down on a down dude (and honestly who wants to think of another dudes junk) every time to bring me down. Also my loss of attraction makes me worry like crazy.

Yup. 3 months ago, despite me still having this, it was mild. I want my drive back where I want to plow every other chick. I hate my life. I did some ERP and tried to stop avoidance so a lot of the stuff regarding dudes has gone away (it will pop up every now again) but this most recent trigger feels like its the only thing stopping me from beating this. 😢

Every time I get the thoughts or I get some kinda feeling behind it, I feel like my life is over.

Honestly, we might just have to try not to think about females. That shit will come back on it's own. It sucks and its really freaking hard to do.

@Ihateocd83 I’m going through that right now I remember having a bad thought saying “what’s the big deal about vagina”, now every time I try to look at or think of one (whether spread or closed) I feel discomfort in my stomach and start to feel repulsed, I tell myself, (even though you’re not supposed to reassure yourself, I get that part that) this will eventually pass and My attraction will return, and as soon as I think that my mind is also saying, “why would you want to go back to liking the vagina?”, it’s driving me crazy and quite frankly has caused me to spiral even more.

@JustinR23Higgins Hey....did you reply to this 10 hours ago?

@JustinR23Higgins That's exactly what happens to me. Still struggle with this now. But I have a girlfriend now

@Ihateocd83 Yep I did

@Ihateocd83 Good for you man, treat her right

@JustinR23Higgins I do mate 👍🏻. I do have all these thoughts 4 years on....and feel guilty that I'm lying to myself and her 😔. But I think the world of her. But having men in my head etc I'm going too

@Ihateocd83 Well, are you both physically and emotionally attracted her despite that?

@JustinR23Higgins Yeah of course...its funny because when I'm with her it's not as bad. I was girl crazy even when this hit years before. Shit don't make sense

@Ihateocd83 What’s even more concerning is that when it comes to the thoughts about the vagina sometimes it feels like you mean it, and also at the same time it tries to make it feel like your preferred sex is not as attractive as the non-preferred sex, and sometimes it feels like you believe it, grant that also could be result of the loss of attraction that OCD causes, I just only hope I’m over this by April because I’m deploying to Europe for about a year and I can’t have this constantly on my mind

Dude you sound just like me. The best way I learned to combat this is to make fun of it, mock it by saying things like "ok that's cool. Send me more or stay as long as you like" while getting on with the rest of my day. It's not easy but it can help.

Dude, dial back the details a bit. But I totally feel you. I cant fantasize while I got this stupid shit in my head. I would at least love to think about my ex's but this shit has corrupted that for me.😥😔

...oh I hate that. Seriously. That shit sucks. But try not to use the fact that we go through the same thing as reassurance. It will only make things worse.

It's ok bro. I know the feeling. We just need to push through. Try to accept the thoughts and then go about your business. It's easier said than done. You're not fucked up, you just have OCD. It sounds simple but not.

Dude, I'm 38 and I feel the same way.

Mine started at 27/28 and recently completely ruined my summer. Don't take meds. Don't want to. My mind just triggered me while thinking about an ex, it pushed in a though about a porn of a chick n a dude. Last thing I want in my head is anything about a dude n his junk while I'm thinking about chicks. Of course while the thought is in my head, my mind tries to convince me that I want that shit. This is bullshit. I fucking hate my mind.

Mostly from the time I wake till I go to sleep.

Mornings are the worst. If I don't try to fantasize and I just mock the thoughts or keep occupied I'm good in the evening somewhat. But getting up in the morning and right before I sleep, the thoughts are fuck.

Yes I get that. Not as much lately but like I said my bro n law triggered me. It stopped though. Anyone can find a dude good looking. That's how this recent breakdown started but ERP helped with that. Funny enough, I started getting triggered by unattractive dudes. Lol

It happens. Just accept and move on. Don't analyze.

Its damn near impossible. Once my mind is on something, its impossible to let it go. Like now, my mind is stuck on that porn trigger (one that I haven't seen in years and hasn't even been an issue but suddenly is in my head). Barely anything else is triggering me this bad but this shit just parked its ass on my mind.

Amen bro.

You too bro. I'm in the gym right now and no triggers except for my thoughts. We'll be ok it's just we gotta get over this hump.

Occasionally. The mind is a piece of shit. From what i understand, because our mind are so use to this crap it generates this stuff on random.

Thanks for that. It gets bad like that for me too.

Seriously, I was just talking to my bro about boxing n mma, and I got triggered. So fucking stupid.

Exactly. It's why I started going back to the gym.

Never Google and never check. If you know how to do exposures then fine. But yeah, get back to you. I'm trying to do the same but its fucking hard. I'm a cyclist but my mind goes while I ride so I gotta try to listen to something while I'm riding. I stopped watch movies n tv not only to not get triggered by dudes but also because I do the thing where if if I'm not attracted to every girl on screen then it means I turned. How stupid is that?

Bro we're clones. Also, I'm a latino from NYC so I have a thing for thick women (and nerdy chicks). But i cant feel shit sometimes and that kills me plus i haven't been with a chick in awhile. It's so bad bro.

That's anxiety and overthinking it bro. I can imagine how bad it can get. I get bad anxiety if I think of anyone or watch anything with people in a relationship. My mind tries to really fuck with me.

I keep giving advice but can't follow it myself especially when I'm having the exact same thoughts. I'd be funny if it didn't kill a little bit of my soul everytime.

My HOCD is nearly gone. But here’s the problem. I’ve been agreeing with and accepting the thoughts for so long that I can’t get them out of my head now. It’s horrible.

I'm not great but not terrible either. It's just so frustrating when I can feel my libido coming back a bit and I start to fantasize or think about my ex's but my mind snaps back to the trigger I told you about. Its awful but my mind tries to bring it up as if I want this shit because of how much it triggers me....

@Joo K Yeah that's a pain in the ass. How have you gotten rid of your hocd?

@Jbm421 But I'm trying to keep busy.

Dude, trigger warning please. Never test. It will only make it worse.

I hear you bro. I was in the gym getting really triggered and now I have to be tested for Covid. I'm trying to not pay attention to the thoughts. Do you have anything to distract yourself??? Like a hobby or sport?

Shit, I'd rather that. The gym doesn't trigger as much as my mind tries to make me think it does. I had high anxiety earlier but my worry was all about the loss of attraction. I want females back but I try too hard. Also, purposefully not avoiding dudes sucks. So, since I have to quarantine until I get my test results I'm gonna take it easy.

Oh yeah. I will get thoughts without any dude triggering me. I don't know what it is but the last few hours I seen some ultra sexy ladies but my intrusive thoughts keep fucking it up...

You hang in there bro. We are ok but we have a habit of getting worked up on our thoughts. I don't want to give you any reassurance because it will only make it worse. No matter how much you can seem to relate to me, you will always need more reassurance. Like right now, I was thinking of posting because the loss of attraction is such hell but I'm not gonna do that. Im just gonna try to do some other stuff. Keep occupied. I know you have kids but if there's anything, ANYTHING, you can do to get your mind off yourself for a minute, an hour or whatever just do it. Read something pleasant that won't trigger you, play a video game or play with your kids. Talk with a friend or relative about something not related to the topic. It helps let this thing drown into the background. Just trying to help bro.

Your brain is on autopilot because of the negative reactions you've had in the past to such thoughts. Its trying to protect you by bringing up that which you fear. The problem is, you don't like or want the thoughts so you fight your brain. The trick (and I mean trick because its hard) is to not fight your brain. Let the thoughts be and don't get into them and try to distract yourself.

That's what it does.

Don't engage the thoughts.

Breaking down is part of it. Cant let myself go backwards. It's very easy to breakdown and cry but I'm trying to not let things trip me up while I'm doing ERP. Currently, feeling it in the morning. But I got outta bed and I'm playing some video games. Then, I'm gonna leave my sister's house to go back to Manhattan. Go to the gym, bike ride, more gaming, watch NBA finals, wash clothes. Stuff to do you know?

Dude, it's not gonna go away right away. It takes time.

Sorry bro. I know its rough. Believe me. I was getting triggered all morning. Try not to ask for reassurance. It won't help. When you get the thoughts, say "hi how you doing?" Or "that's a good one bro! Thanks!" It disarms the thoughts.

@Jbm421 Right now, it's the loss of attraction that's getting me. It's a pain in the ass but I'm trying to take it easy and not let shit bother me.