i feel myself becoming depressed. i can’t do this anymore. i was so happy a few days ago. the happiest. until i was sitting in my car laughing having fun and the word “pedophile” just popped into my head. i walked into the store and saw a toddler walking around. i said awh he’s adorable in my head. i’m then another one popped into my head saying “what if i thought of him the wrong way” at first i was like i know i didn’t and i moved on. but then it just kept coming back. then soon i thought something was really wrong with me. maybe there was something deeper to it. and soon that escalated into now being afraid of being a pedo & for thinking kids are more than adorable :( i haven’t eaten in days. i just sit in my room and cry and feel so depressed and empty. i don’t understand how a few days ago i was so happy but now i feel there’s only one way out for me which is death. obviously i’m not a pedo but i fear to be around a kid and be attracted to him now. i feel so broken. words cannot describe how awful i feel. i feel like things will never get better. i have never felt this way abt an intrusive thought. this one is really sticking to me and i can’t stop thinking about it. as well as doing mental compulsions and fully trying to examine the thought and give myself reassurance but all my fear is just doubt. my mind isn’t satisfied. it always says what if. i’ve tried everything. nothing works. i’m not meant to be here anymore. i cannot live with myself if i am this sick gross disgusting person.