lmaocd🍓🥰
- Date posted
- 4y
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
I think I can relate.. A year ago I thought that being bisexual might be the solution to the never-ending thoughts and questions in my mind. For a few weeks I felt the happiest and lightest that I have felt since this cycle started. It kind of gave me an answer to why I was obsessing over the question if I might be attracted to women and at the same time feel devastated at the thought of having to leave my boyfriend who I love to pieces and with whom I want to spend my life with. Bisexuality was the possibility to allow one thing without having to disprove the other. And while I still think that I could fit somewhere on the bi-spectrum (I never had a sexual desire for the same sex but I did sometimes feel a certain attraction/admiration for women, even though I am not sure what is real and what is OCD), I think I turned the label Bisexuality into a form of reassurance/compulsion. The reassurance that if I am attracted to women I still can stay with my boyfriend, that everything is fine, that nothing bad will happen and that I don't have to worry about our future. And that was the problem that kept the cycle going. The doubts came back and even though I realized that I don't like the thought or fantasy about sex with women and that I wasn't interested in experimenting or opening my relationship, they tried to convince me that this was because of internalized homophobia, the first step of realizing that I am a lesbian, the first step away from the life I love and that everything will fall apart. And this caused the worst panic spiral I have ever been through. Since then, I learned that labels don't work for intrusive thoughts, it is best to refrain from trying to find a certain answer to the question of sexual orientation, because no answer will satisfy OCD. Maybe I am not straight, maybe I am,maybe I am bi or gay, maybe I will never know But that's ok 🤷♀️ when I am able to accept this uncertainty, I can feel at ease, even though it is not always easy to do so..
lmaocd🍓🥰lmaocd🍓🥰
- Date posted
- 4y
sorry i’m a bit confused although that is an amazing answer. so r u saying u wanted to identify as bi to comfort urself, not because u have real romantic or sexual feelings for women?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
@omgcd Yes sort of. When I read stories about bisexual people, a lot of them said that they were confused whether they were gay or straight for a long time until they felt comfortable in the label bisexual. And that sounded similar to my fear of being gay and at the same time being so sure about my love to my bf. I didn't have any fantasies about attraction towards women at that time but I feared that I might have been crushing friends/women in my past without realizing it. Bisexuality sort of worked as a reassurance that even if I was attracted to women that it wouldn't mean that I cannot be with my boyfriend. If I was a lesbian that would be it. But that sort of shows that the central fear is losing him or ruining our relationship.. I am sorry, I don't want to add to any more confusion, I think I was just desperate to find an answer to why I was having these fears and thoughts..
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
It is hard to put it into words, I am sorry 😅
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