I get a reoccurring fear of repeating my past relationship that hurt me bc he had OCD and would confess to me things, etc. Now I have it and I’m doing it in my relationship. I’m scared of repeating the past except being the person confessing and there’s this idea in my mind that I’m destined to repeat that and have it end traumatically and awfully how that one did. I don’t want it to get to that.

Relationship OCD

pureolife

Date posted: 4y

There’s some legitimate concern here (stop confessing to your partner! That’s a compulsion and it’s bad for your ocd and bad for your relationship) and there’s a magical thinking thought distortion at play (that you’re “destined” to repeat this mistake.) You’re very aware of the mistake your ex made and you’re aware that you shouldn’t be doing that same mistake now. So stop! It will be hard: this is a tough compulsion to shake. And at first it will cause you a little more anxiety. But in the long term it will actually help you start recovering and make your relationship stronger. Our partners can be wonderful sources of support, but they can’t/shouldn’t enable compulsions (like allowing you to confess or providing reassurance.) Maybe read this together: https://beyondocd.org/information-for-friends-and-family/a-spouses-pivotal-role You are not destined for anything. You’re making a choice to do this compulsion and while it will be difficult to stop: you can do this!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I’m into astrology and psychic things and all that. I think I need to cut it out

pureolife

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous You can be into those things AND still know that we play a role in what happens to us as well. In this case, you have a very real choice you can make and it will benefit your ocd and relationship. And that has nothing to do with destiny.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

That website says to talk about OCD stressors together. But that’s not confessing right? What does that entail?

pureolife

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Stressors means triggering situations NOT your intrusive thoughts or confessions. You could say: I get triggered by certain movies or particular groups of people or specific activities. And then you can both be aware that when you do those things, you might have some anxiety and need some emotional support like a hug, a few minutes alone, or just someone to breath with you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@pureolife I know this is an old post, but I’m thinking of the things I could say almost exactly like what my ex said to me to completely break up. I hate that thought. My ERP appointment keeps getting put off and I just keep feeling a fear of repeating the past. I’m trying to give it to God and stay in the present.

pureolife

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous Of course you’re thinking those things: that’s your fear/obsession! Keep resisting. I KNOW that’s super hard. And I’m so sorry your appointment has been put off. But this is your ocd trying to take control. But it’s not in control: you are. Show it who’s boss.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@pureolife Thank you so much

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thank you. I’m going to start my first session w a therapist from the app next week, so I just have to wait to start it I guess. I’m not ready to do ERP on my own I think

Sheeby

Date posted: 4y

that’s okay! baby steps, having a hierarchy of what triggers you on a scale of 1-10, and starting at the smallest one is going to be key. I believe in you. Your destiny isn’t to repeat mistakes, or fail. It’s to enjoy the love you have!! 💚💚💚 sending prayers (or good thoughts if you aren’t religious) for strength!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@charleejadeg Thank you, very appreciated!

Sheeby

Date posted: 4y

Then don’t let it get to that. Don’t confess. It’s really that simple. Don’t let anxiety convince you it has control over what you do, because you have control. It just is as simple as that. I reccomend doing some ERP.

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