I’m still getting memories of erections from the past before I knew I had HOCD. I’m still concerned that these erections mean I’m gay or bisexual when I don’t want to be. I’ve only had crushes and fantasies on women. Yet these past erections are scaring me

It feels like people have given up on me now. And I feel like absolute shit. It feels like no one wants to help me anymore. No one wants to respond to me anymore. I feel like this OCD has won. And I hate myself for it. I accidentally went into the women’s restroom and I feel like a monster and a piece of shit human being right now. I broke my glasses while trying to reattach my lens. I’m dealing with friends that don’t know about my HOCD and triggering me and telling me to be a man and hide my emotions (which is the last thing I need) I feel like god and Jesus has abandoned me, and I don’t know what to do anymore. If I’ve been spamming, it’s because I’ve been having the worst day of my life, and no one seems to care. Well I hate myself anyway. Why should anyone care about me? I’m just a piece of shit anyway.

@Joo K People have offered quite a bit of help. Including myself. But you’re focused in on your obsessions—which is something we all do—but it’s also fair for someone else to point out that you aren’t genuinely making any attempt at recovery. You instead are bringing a community into your obsessions and then guilting them or self-pitying if they don’t join in on your reassurance seeking. It isn’t showing caring for you by just also marinating in your self-loathing or your obsessions. That’s the opposite of compassion. That’s pity.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I love this comment because I’ve been trying. I’ve been doing self ERP like a motherfucker everyday. I get better, only for something to trigger everything all over again. This time with no anxiety. It gets worse and worse and worse and worse. I hope you understand that I’ve been trying. If I was self pitying myself, I would be telling you. Cause I don’t skip and hop away from this type of thing. I will let the community know. But I’m not. I’m truly not. My day, combined with this HOCD, has made my day absolute fucking hell. If you’ve been reading my posts (which I know you have) you would understand how shitty my days been.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett Also I’m not guilting shit. I don’t go around accusing people of not caring or doing anything like that when people don’t respond. I only say it feels like people have given up on me. If I was in a state of self pity, I would be explicitly screaming at everyone and pointing fingers

@Anonymous Other people can only do so much. It’s up to each of us to heal ourselves and take responsibility for how we respond to thoughts. If you are unwilling to do ERP, that’s your choice. But others can’t be blamed for not helping you enough. And your messages do sound like you are blaming everyone around you and those here. I have seen many caring and empathetic messages sent to you. But those cannot and will not ever be enough to heal you. Healing starts with treatment. And I can tell you by your posts that while you are facing many triggers daily, you are not doing any response prevention (and ERP doesn’t work without the RP part.) each of you messages is FILLED with mental compulsions, and that’s what’s driving your obsession. Not a lack of care.

@Anonymous Being triggered still doesn’t mean that ERP doesn’t work. It’s also a good thing to feel less anxiety. But you’ve definitely been posting repeatedly in ways that are not productive nor helpful to others in the community.