Hello, I have recently been having intrusive sexual thoughts over children. It all started when I looked at my 9 year old sister and I felt like I looked at her in a creepy way because I glanced at her butt. Then the intrusive thoughts came and I couldn’t stop wondering why I did that. Was I a pedophile? Was I attracted to kids? And after trying to figure out why I did that, the awful images came. Anytime I see a kid now I get awful sexual images in my mind. I know it’s OCD because I have every symptom for it. But it’s worse now that I’m obsessing over a real life event that happened with my little sister. We would try and pinch each other’s butts and say, “I squished your toosh!” I’m terrified because maybe I should be worried about this. What if I was in appropriately touching a child? Is this just my OCD talking? I’m so scared. I feel like it’s nothing to worry about because I never had any sexual intent. And while I did start it, I never forced or coerced her into it. I love her so so much and I could never ever harm her. But I’m worried that I did. I feel so disgusted and scared writing this. I’m just curious if others have had a similar situation and if so how they’ve combated it.

POCD

hope

Date posted: 4y

i don’t want to reassure you because that’s a compulsion, but my name is megan too and you’re literally explaining what i went through and currently deal with. my POCD started when i was hanging outside with my friends littke sister who i adore shes so cute, suddenly i got a weird image in my head while coloring with her and it RUINED ME, i had the worst anxiety i almost threw up. i understand what you’re going through and it’s the worst, i’ve never had any thoughts like this ever and then suddenly BAM! it happened and it forever ruined me, now i avoid situations where my intrusive thoughts can attack me, but i am working on accepting that it’s just OCD and it comes when u least expect it, i deal with so much guilt and sadness over these thoughts, ur not alone. ERP is very helpful and the best thing u can do is sit with uncertainty and just not let the thoughts ruin ur perception of urself, u arent these bad thoughts. i’ve had ones about family members and friends and they attack when i least expect and it sends me into a panic, but i’ve learned to just label them as OCD thoughts and keep going and not let them ruin my life.

MV01

Date posted: 4y

I’m glad I’m not alone in this. I felt like I was handling the intrusive thoughts ok, but now that I’m worried I may have actually caused harm or done something illegal I’m freaking out. Have you ever felt this way?

hope

Date posted: 4y

@MeganVaughn01 omg yes! i’ve literally broken down crying because i’ve felt so much guilt from the thoughts like they convinced me i was actually a p*do and needed to be in jail, but it’s the OCD, i promise u so many people have the same theme and it’s so painful and horrible and it never gets easier, but we find ways to stop reacting to the thoughts and let them pass and that’s when they start getting quieter and quieter. the OCD wants the reaction so the more u ignore it or think ur getting better, the louder and worse they get, or at least that’s what they do to me. i’ve found ways to just diminish the panic, i label them as OCD thoughts and i don’t react to them externally, i try to stop adding fuel to the fire by panicking. if i panicked everytime i had an intrusive thought, i’d be in a constant manic episode and lose myself, so i know that i have to be strong for myself and keep on going and just let the thoughts pass on their own and don’t give them the reaction they want. our brains are so complex, they could literally convince us that we did something when we didn’t and it’s scary, but ur not alone.

Speckles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I feel for you. I wish I could sit with the uncertainty, but it's so hard for me. 😔

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