Ever since I had reached the age of 13, I felt like my childhood had left me just like that and I felt lost. I felt confused on what to do next the second junior high was all over. It felt like no one was holding my hand anymore, no one was guiding me and it definitely felt lonely. I had my friends here and there, but I wasn't aware of the emotional struggles I had felt. Throughout my highschool years, peer pressure happened to be one of the main causes for my depression, insomnia, loneliness, and trouble with keeping up with school. It felt confusing not having a shoulder to lean on or someone to love me back. It felt like for a while if I wanted something bad enough I could have it but that something never came and still hasn't come. Everytime I look back at my teen years, I can't find any real good thoughts to overpower the negative ones. The transition of leaving being a child to become an adult is one of the most difficult things people can go through. I had the real event OCD I have for things I did in my stupid teen years. Everyone including myself was at a part where hormones were going crazy. Everyone engaged in some sort of sexual activity whether it meant talking about it, reenacting sexual acts, or being in relationships which to this day is something I've never got to experience. I thought running away to the internet to make friends and explore my emotions would help but that honestly made everything so much worse. Why do I keep ruminating over the same things that happens 3 of more years ago over and over and over again? I keep fearing that the stupid mistakes I've done will destroy what I have now. I can barely focus on my present because my past takes up so much of my time and I don't want it to. I feel that I have changed and I don't do any of the things I used to anymore and I CRINGE at the fact that I've even done things like that in the first place. I just want to forget about it all and move on.

Harm OCD

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

I hope you meant forgive at the end. But thanks. I definitely don't want to entirely forget my teen years because I realized what mistakes I made and I gave myself a self reflect to be better. On the other hand, I just don't want to be defined for mistakes in the same way no one else should be

Lori

Date posted: 4y

Im sorry brother,you have been feeling like this for years.But wanting to forget your past,is like wanting to deny a part of you,no matter how good or bad it was,it made you the person you are today,that mature and logical person you are today so you just cant forget it.You can only move on,start a new chapter,and create a new life.You should forgive urself first for your past mistakes,thats the only way you can win ur inner peace:)

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

I've only recently been feeling like this at the start of 2020 or late 2019, but I get your point. Thanks again. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself but it's hard when I can't help but compare myself to others like I have been doing ever since the start of my teen years

Lori

Date posted: 4y

@BigGip09 I can understand,my childhood was not easy at all,i was so stressed all the time and feeling so lonely.Still tho,im trying to change and make myself better,i hope you do too,because you are worth it and loved.Sending you love and strength🤗🤗

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

@Lori I do hope your teen years will go much better. I remember when I was your age and things didn't go that well for me. Slowly, I've gotten better as a person throughout the years. Remember it's okay to make mistakes at that age because a lot of your character and personality is developing to becoming who you really want to be. 💞

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