I feel almost sick again with guilt over this really manipulative thing I did when I was an early teen and idk what to do. I’m so so SO scared that it defines me. Like it says something about my personality. I wish I hadn’t done it, it was really bad

I’m going through the same thing it happened when I was 11 it didn’t seem that wrong at the time now I’m traumatized by it and it’s impossible to move pass this event. My mom cried last night and I felt like she wanted to bring it up. I told her a few years after. I regret everything. I’m a good person and I don’t know how to move on.

I feel that honey, you got this !! Don’t believe your ocd. Anxiety is always a liar.

A Quick Guide For Real Event OCD: Remember that it’s not the memory that is the problem, it’s the OCD that’s the issue Remember that OCD often distorts your past memories and can very often add details to make a memory seem worse than it actually was and can even create false memories. This is a challenging one but, let go of the need for certainly about your past memory or memories. Let go as best you can and be comfortable with uncertainty (this takes time, be self compassionate) Remember that this type of OCD is not special or unique just because it’s based on a (likely distort and over exaggerated) past event, OCD attacks what is most important to us, our biggest fears and issues, it whatever way it can Real event OCD is fundamentally no different than any other type of OCD (and many people suffer from many different types of OCD all at once) The only differences in any type of OCD is what the obsession is over, thankfully, The treatment is the same, this is a moment in life what is a good thing to remember that you (and your condition) are not special Stop reassurance seeking and confessing. It may provide a little relief and lessen your fears but it will not fully take them away, again it’s not the memory that’s the issue it’s OCD’s grip on the memory Ban rumination! No matter how many times you ruminate about every detail and possible outcome of the past event will only make the thoughts more “sticky” in your brain. It’s hard, but stop giving the thoughts credence and let them go as best you can, try to catch yourself in the act of rumination Be mindful and allow the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to just come and go, observe but don’t engage, this helps teach the brain not to attach to these thoughts and feelings and stops the brain for continuously sending the panic alarm. Meditation works very nicely for practicing mindfulness Ask yourself if you should waste your life trying to figure out the past, when you can focus on bringing what you want into your present and future. I know you don’t feel you deserve it. The main tenets of behavior therapy are: We cannot control our thoughts and feelings but we can control our behavior. If you change your behavior, your thoughts and feelings will follow. During this pandemic it can be hard, so try finding hobbies and other positive things to do to fill your day Be here now, this can be challenging but, do your best to live in the now and do what you can to make today great! The past is long over and the future is fantasy. Each day we are born anew and have an opportunity to improve. Most if not all Real Event OCD obsessions are over actions that we would never think of repeating and that we would have never done if we knew then what we know now. Be kind to yourself and remember who you are. Accept that there will be ups and downs, harder days and easier days, on your recovery journey Finally… self compassion not self forgiveness! Forgiveness implies that you have done some unforgivable act and need to work towards reparation for it. This process usually requires time spent discussing and processing the event. You may believe if you find a way to forgive yourself then you can stop obsessing about it. People in your life may have even encouraged you to work on it. With OCD, discussing and analyzing the event is not the approach we want to take. In fact, I’m sure you have already spent excessive amounts of time evaluating the situation and all its many angles, yet getting nowhere. Now, I’m not saying this is an event you are proud of. What I am saying is that it’s not the event that is the problem; it is the OCD that is the problem. There is a chance you would have moved on from the event if the OCD hadn’t grabbed onto it. And we don’t treat OCD with self-forgiveness because OCD exaggerates and distorts life events. Imagine that being stuck on this may not be due to lack of self-forgiveness but the way OCD traps you. OCD has taken over the life event, twisted it and has convinced you into believing it is a critical problem that requires forgiveness or punishment. Resources: Article: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/ Video on Real Event OCD: https://youtu.be/ojsA2z_Nf_0 Video on Letting Go: https://youtu.be/ZK6FVw4xfbg Video on “Going Through Hell”: https://youtu.be/toQMJeqdW48 Video “Drunk on Life” accepting the good, the bad and the s Gray area: https://youtu.be/WCsPCrZ4aq0 Jesus Prayer Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you struggle with religious OCD this may not be the best for you) https://youtu.be/6TTDjJ8Cv3Y Za Zen Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you have an issue with number obsession this might not be best for you) https://youtu.be/dDJ_wbjBL6c Book Recommendations: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by John Hershfield Christ The Eternal Tao by Hieromonk Damascene Anxious For Nothing by Max Lucando The Jesus Prayer by Frederica Matthews Green The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives by Elder Thaddeus F*ck Coping Start Healing by Dennis Simsek Anxiety, Trust and Gratitude by Nun Kathrine Weston NOTE: While all this information is very helpful it is always best to seek treatment and help from a therapist or psychologist. Use the information above is a part of your healing journey, get in touch with a therapist/psychologist to help you better work through these issues

Don’t let the ocd tell you who you are ! I struggle with similar things and I know how it feels!