Hello all, I have written In a while... 1 month ago I was continuing my therapy and I was improving greatly. I was going out more and more, alone, going in malls working hard on my fear of having diarrhea in public. I was still working on my others main OCD which are harm, suicide, health and POCD. I was even thinking than maybe in a few months I could work again. But 4 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. After long conversations with my boyfriend (who’s the love of my life) we decided it was too early in my recovery to take such a big responsibility and I feel like I want to focus on my mental health. I don’t want to live a pregnancy and a maternity In the middle of an OCD breakdown. The abortion went through, it was very hard since I have so high health anxiety. The first few days after we’re okay I was mainly focus on my pain but the last three days I went into a darkness I didn’t think I could ever go back. Suddenly all my OCD themes became credible again, even questioning if I wasn’t an horrible person. The absolute certainty I am going to die soon anyway or suicide. I try hard to fall into compulsion but OCD really dragged me into rumination. Today I was full of ambitions, OCD won’t take me today. But my period are there again and the horrible pain they always provoc with it. Ever since my OCD exploded to my face 10 month ago I started to have so much muscles pain and also pain during inter course. One thing led to another one I am convinced I have endometriosis. I googled and googled and start panicking, shouting and asking my boyfriend to come. Started catastrophic scenarios such as pain will become not mangeable I will have pain everyday and not be able to support it. So tonight I am here split into I am still convince I have terrible disease and be in pain all my life and my OCD tricked me. One more time. I am never going to recover, this is the life I have and will have. I was a super active manager and super social life when I met my boyfriend (we worked together) and now I’m house bonded for a 10 months. Unable to make any project or see any future for me. Thank you for reading me. Just feel I could take some advise or just some love.