Last night I was in an adult film site and I was like “is there child porn on the newely uploaded section.” Because I read somewhere the website reviews all videos. I had no plan on watching it even if I did see some. Then I saw a video and said to myself “omg is that a child.” And clicked on it to reassure myself and it wasn’t a kid. Now I feel like a purposely wanted to see child porn. :/

@88.88 You should definitely get an OCD therapist for help. Getting one specifically trained in OCD will help a lot more than one that isn't.

@88.88 Yes a therapist can give you the help you're seeking as long as they are trained in how OCD works. What did you search?

@88.88 If you've actually experienced child sexual abuse, I'm terribly sorry to hear about that. That's really hard to process and you don't deserve that. That's something you should absolutely bring to a future therapist. Searching about that kind of stuff online can be triggering and probably not the best thing for you since you're also going through OCD. Can I ask why you searched that through adult sites though?

Okay thank you, I just feel bad since I purposely went on the newly added page to see if there was child porn even tho I had no plan on watching it :/, it’s just hard since it’s a addiction. You know what I mean?

@noone800 Child porn isn’t an addiction but porn in general is. I was just curious if there was child porn on the newly added page since the website says they watch all videos. And I was just genuinely curious and had no plan on masturbaiting to it or anything. I just feel bad :/

@noone800 Yea porn does mess up a persons mind, it’s best to stick with the uncertainty when it comes to intensive thoughts since finding answers only feeds the obsession.

@anonynon I know you shouldn’t provide but fo you think I’m a bad person or weird for seeing if there was cp on the website since I was curious even tho I had no intention of watching or mastuebsiting to it :/

@noone800 Well I’m suffering POCD as well and I also have unwanted urges to “see” if I’d enjoy something I’m not normally into, I also feel bad for having these thoughts and urges hell I fear that if I did do them I’d enjoy them idk what to say but your not alone I feel bad about myself often

@Valentino Yes intensive thoughts seem and feel real it’s out of our control and often we seek reassurances to help us feel better it’s best to accept and move one pushing it away makes it worse

@Valentino No not yet

@Valentino Yeah I know I just feel bad because like I literally was like “what if there’s cp on the newest page.” Because I was curious. I just need to learn to let this go and accept that this is part of my ocd and I feel guilty about it so i need to move on and never guve into that compulsion.