i’m not sure if i’m recognizing that I have never been without HOCD or that i’m gay/bisexual. I’m so worried because I’ve literally had the thoughts every day for seven years and I’m always just seeking reassurance in lowkey ways. i worry that every female friend is a crush or is trying to hit on me. i’m never not doing compulsions. I haven’t taken my medication in 3 months. I need to.

do you have the thoughts all the time even when you’re not actively having a hard time?

@missbluesky Mmhm....maybe not as frequently but definitely once a day. Very rarely do i go awhile without the thoughts Being around people and friends helps me a lot and when i do think about it i get uncomfortable and anxious around my friends

@hate_ocd.123 honestly, i remember a time where I barely had the thoughts. I get thoughts that my best friend is in love with me. These super complex plot lines pop in my head and it stresses me out so much

@missbluesky I have experienced that too but i worry that i like them more of. And yeah i remember times where i didnt have the thoughts through the years and i was fine amd before i even had this.

No i personally dont think so

How old are you?

@hate_ocd.123 i’m 19, i’ve been suffering since i was 12

@hate_ocd.123 how old are you?

@missbluesky Im 18, been suffering on and off since i was 12 almost 13

@hate_ocd.123 wow, we’re almost the same. i feel like mine comes and goes like crazy. sometimes i’m okay, but other times i’m on the brink of a relapse. the thoughts are always, ALWAYS there in the back of my mind though. how did yours start?

@missbluesky Ummmm well the first time i ever thought about it i was 12, and this guy i liked called my friend my gf and i obsessed for like a week then it left for like two- three months. Then i was on youtube watching one of my favorite guy youtubers, Connor Franta, come out as gay and he said he had an inkling question since he was twelve and that’s when it started for me. I also was abused horribly three years before so i already was obsessing about other stuff (I was sexually assaulted and witnessed seven ither girls get sexually assaulted by my abuser)

@missbluesky Does that sound like classic ocd or like realizing you’re gay? I never had a thought of it before and i was very much aware of what it was as i was a cheerleader. My mom had even asked me before and i was unfazed and said i didnt have crushes on girls like that. I remember liking guys before and never thought of a girl like that before. Like having a boyfriend/husband i always thought of, but whenever i thought of a girl in my imagination with me she had a boyfriend/ husband as well and we were best friends and our kids would fall in love or compete. Does that sound like a gay kid?? Honestly

@hate_ocd.123 not at all. i don’t mean to give you reassurance, but not at all.

@hate_ocd.123 i’m worried my story is a gay realization.

@missbluesky What is it?

@hate_ocd.123 mine started with groinals. i know that just sounds like i was getting turned on, but it wasn’t. it was completely different. I had thought about being gay two times before the initial hocd, which is so scary. i was absolutely boy crazy growing up and i still kind of am but i had those two instances where i questioned my sexuality. i’m also kind of “alternative” and i’ve been asked if i’m bi before.

@missbluesky doesn’t that sound so awful?

@missbluesky That sounds like a classic start to ocd Im sorry youre going through this

@hate_ocd.123 wait really? starting with groinals is classic?

@missbluesky Im not really sure but I would try not to worry about it (i know practically impossible for someone with ocd) Does hocd ever make you feel like you’re disgusted by thoughts of the opposite gender but not the same? But you want the thoughts of the opposite gender but not the same?

@missbluesky Are you there??

Is that normal? Sometimes i feel like that other times i don’t

But I was also traumatized when i kissed a boy for like the second time. I went in for a peck and he went in for the full makeout....his mouth went around mine and i just felt the inside of his mouth 😬😬 So whenever i think about kisisng that’s the first one to come and freak me out But before that i did a simple peck with a boy two times and i wasnt disgusted at all. We just kissed and i smiled and it was nice