I’m just wondering if any one else has a story similar to mine so I feel less alone. I’m not too sure when my HOCD started. All I remember is when I was in 4th grade I watched the “girls like girls” music video because it was in my YouTube recommended. All I can recall is wondering if I was gay (I don’t think I knew what bi was at the time) and I got pretty sad. Afterwards I was pretty rational about it and decided if I felt sad then obviously I wasn’t gay, so I just let it go. Then fast forward to 6th grade, my best friend comes out to me as lesbian. I was completely fine with it, and told her I accepted her and would treat her just the same. It wasn’t really a problem at all until she asked me what my sexuality was because she said she was interested in me and I kind of panicked. I kept thinking about it, and again luckily I was pretty rational and basically came to the conclusion that people know they’re gay or bi from the beginning and are fine with it, and I eventually just told her I was straight but “didn’t want to put a label on it” (this was mainly so I didn’t hurt her feelings). Fast forward maybe a couple months later, (I think this was after I panicked about my sexuality I honestly don’t know) I come across this video of this woman twerking on Instagram (extremely embarrassing to talk about lmao) and I remember being aroused. Not sure if this was genuine or false arousal, either way I can’t let this specific memory go. I keep ruminating about it and wondering if I had HOCD then or not. I’m pretty sure it was real arousal though, which is so scary! But anyway the point being I feel so abnormal because it seems like nobody with HOCD has childhood memories like mine and I feel so anxious about it. :(