Hi all, I have relationship OCD since May 2019. It's incredibly painful but I'll never forget the moment I was searching youtube and Google for answers about my relationship and I came across someone who brought up rOCD. It was an entirely new concept for me . When I read into it, I can't even describe the wave of relief I felt and that I wasn't alone with these thoughts and feelings. And so that's when I started reading books and blogs. I've been seeing a therapist and I really like her. I've fallen in love with this app as well. It feels nice to have more sources of knowledge and connection. My main question currently (and I know it's a compulsion, but i just need to know): Does anyone with rOCD experience fear about having kids with their significant other? It's always the same questions- what if we divorce? What if I'm not excited to be pregnant? What if I don't feel joy being a mother with my partner? What if I'm not happy and I need to divorce? Watching movies with families, babies, pregnancies, first dates/love- are extremely difficult. We've been together for ~9 years now. I've always been excited to start a family with him. Since rOCD manifested, i feel like all of the things that brought me joy were robbed from me, eg. Kids, pregnancy etc. I feel fear and uncertainty now. I even fear that someone/therapist might say "yea, idk those kinds of thoughts don't seem normal. You probably should leave that relationship." Anyway- may everyone keep getting stronger. Wishing everyone the best. We can do this! ❤️🦖

Yea same! I've had that fear of losing him for a long time. Same thing with losing my family to random disasters (shootings, etc). I would call my parents and brother anytime I got worried about them. My bf too. Now that fear has subsided and I focus on the rightness of my relationship and whether I want kids with him or not. It's been disturbing me for some months now. Some things that I've read are: "how can you feel fully connected with your partner if you're in a constant state of stress/anxiety? You just can't". So..... If we can calm the ocd tendencies... I do believe we can really go back to feeling more connected with our partners. It's hard to believe though because everything feels so real.

@Maya 👽🤌 Yes I understand and agree with all of that. When this first began I was so worried (still am) because I don't feel as connected to him as I used to be. Which is insane because we are always attached at each other's hips. It's so sad and scary because losing him is my biggest fear of my entire life. My life is a fairytale with him and I feel like it's being robbed against my will due to my two themes I have. But you're also right that it's hard to feel those emotions when you constantly feel anxious, which is what we both constantly are! Do you feel like it's hard to remember what it felt like before all this hit with him? Like how good you felt?

@Anonymous Yes absolutely! In a way it's hard to feel the fear of losing him to a disaster now- and I think it's because my ocd tendencies started attacking another thing that is very important to me - my relationship. So now I'm just worried about "well what if I wanna break up?" Which deep down I know I don't. What hits hard is nostalgia. That cuts really deep. I long to go back to how things used to be and how I felt back then. But.. in reality, relationships are constantly evolving. This goes for everyone. These uncertainties we feel are actually normal for anyone. We all just feel more broken by the uncertainties because we put too much emphasis on the thoughts and we're not able to brush them aside - because again- this is what we care about most. OCD wants to attack what you care about most. For me it was my family's safety and my relationship. Dude... Sometimes it's damages me at work because I start thinking too hard on how to write an email. But anyways- someone that I love listening to is Kiyomi on youtube. She suffered/suffers with rOCD bi learned from her alot. She can explain things I just said in a while better way. :) I also read the book "brain Lock" a couple others I can't think of now. Reading has helped me alot. But it's definitely no cure