I’m so done. I have been doing okay these past couple weeks. I’ve been obsessing, but trying not to perform compulsions. Yesterday my boyfriend and I had a fight. He made a joke about our sex life, not meaning to offend me but he did. We were literally talking about underwear, and he said “well it’s not like I see down there that often anyways” and he said it in a jokingly way, not in a hurtful tone. But it still hurt my feelings because he knows that our sex life has not always been the best. We haven’t had sex in a little over two weeks while we agreed to try once a week to work on our sex life. Of course he is understanding and never is mean about that.. but he did make that joke and it hurt my feelings. We were literally heading out to go somewhere but I refused to go, and just sat on the couch. We then started arguing, and now we are coming up on the part I’m obsessing about. He said “you’re getting so defensive it was just a joke” but I told him “it’s not just a joke to me! It hurts my feelings when you joke about that subject.” Then he said “well I didn’t know you couldn’t take a joke” and I said “Don’t gaslight me! You have never done that wtf!” And he said “it was an accident okay. I didn’t mean to say that joke. I’m sorry.” But at that point I said “and don’t gaslight me saying I’m defensive and that I can’t take a joke! That’s the literal definition of gaslighting!” And he said “I didn’t mean to gaslight you. I’m sorry.” He then proceeded to wait in the car for me. That’s also probably not the exact order of the argument, but I tried to type it lol. We then made up, and I told him at the end “I don’t want gaslighting to become a thing. You have never done that (we have been together for 4.5 years), what’s up?” And he said “I didn’t know I was gaslighting you. Now that I know I won’t say those things, I’m sorry.” Now I’m obsessing that I’m with a gas lighter. Or a manipulator. I was doing so good until an argument triggered me. What should I do? I’m trying not to ask for reassurance. But my boyfriend is honestly so amazing and I love him so much. Yesterday I just started crying in bed about everything going on in my life (I’m just stressed with school and work) and he held me, and cuddled me until I felt better. Then right as we were heading out for him to take me to get ice cream, this happened. It just seems like every time I’m doing okay something happens for me to obsess about, or I have a thought and I obsess about it. I’m so tired. I just want to be happy with him. Not get anxious about something. I’ve obsessed about this before, but in a different way. It was completely out of context, saying he was being “narcissistic” but he absolutely was not. I looked up the definition and nothing really matched up. So I let go of that. But now it’s this and I’m obsessing whether or not I’m with a gas lighter. What do I do? How do I expose this? These past couple months I have commented on everything he does wrong.. all of his flaws in our relationship.. I have done so many things wrong.. but he does one thing wrong in an argument and ocd makes a catastrophe out of it. Thanks for reading this far.