Im scared i have internalized homophobia after reading it on here

I hear ya bro. I feel my world has gotten so small.

@Jbm421 So i just thought of a guy in my head and i said thats what i would go for in my head . It feels so real

Sorry bro. I just finished my therapy session and then had a talk with my mom. My therapist is gonna have me look at underwear models as ERP for this week for the time being. I'm a little triggered just thinking about it. Did some exposures with her. Dudes dont scare me like they use to.

Its basically to get you use to not reacting to the thoughts. It's the same as looking at shirtless dudes or good looking dude. It's for the penis thing.

@Jbm421 Staying off is supposed to get you used to sitting with the discomfort while not looking for ways to make you feel safe (like post does because you vent)

She said do it as much as possible. I'm doing it for 3 minutes/5 times a day.

Of course. The worst is when I try to disprove it but cant. That's why you shouldn't. But then not reacting makes it seem more real. Round and round it goes. I hate my life.

@Jbm421 On the plus side, not using porn or wanking has brought up the attraction. Even ugly girls looking sexy.

I typed in male underwear models and looked like 7 pics for 3 minutes while poking fun at them.

Whatever comes to my mind.

It nighttime where I live. I'm going to sleep soon. Hopefully not dream. Had a fucking awful day. Had to work without my phone, loss of attraction came back after getting triggered and had thought after thought just hammering me. Got a little worried. But fuck it. Going to bed soon.

Did you say it or did your mind come up with it???

@Jbm421 Where you gone mate ?

@Ihateocd83 I'm here bro. I'm with watching xmas movies with my sis and bro in law.

@Jbm421 Sorry mate. I just dont want that at all. When i really think of being with a man it just doesnt feel right. 😞

@Ihateocd83 Did I ever send you the cheat sheet my therapist gave me about the thoughts????

@Jbm421 No mate i dont think so

You said it in your head. That's how it happens but we always take it to mean like we said it. That's the trick it plays.

How can i think of men all day. I dont want to its such a head fuck. It never feels good i get a scared horrible feeling inside

@Ihateocd83 I know it sucks. And now my loss of attraction feels like it's back again...

Not getting anxiety from the underwear guy pics but I will tell you that they are ZERO fun.

@Jbm421 I dont really get anxiety because of my medication i think

@Ihateocd83 I refuse to take meds.

@Jbm421 Yeah they are not for everyone

@Ihateocd83 How comes mate ??

@Ihateocd83 Looking at underwear models is hard son. But i think it could be rewarding 👍

@Ihateocd83 It sucks terribly. But if it's necessary to feel a little better then so be it. Bro, the thoughts been killing me today. It's like I'm back to feeling like I won't get my attraction back. This shit is crazy. Dudes are sort of triggering me again (though not as much as they use to) but I feel like I have zero anxiety.

@Jbm421 I just constantly argue in my head with myself. It is really affecting my health 😞

@Jbm421 Hows it going mate hope your ok

@Ihateocd83 I'm good. Had a late night in my brother's house. I was able to get out of my head for a few hours. Plus I went to the gym yesterday and while its triggering it always shows me there is nothing to fear. Plus as soon as I got out of the gym, my attraction came back crazy. 🙂 I still ended up getting triggered by the end of the night but it still was a good night overall...

@Jbm421 Ah mate im well pleased for you 👍. Wish i could say the same 😞

@Ihateocd83 Im still struggling with the mens gentials thing. I keep getting images of attractive guys in wet boxers and i comment in my head ... like so sexy 😞

@Ihateocd83 You there buddy ?

@Ihateocd83 You ok mate ?

@Ihateocd83 Yeah I'm here. Had another mostly pleasant night. Saw some sexy ass chicks in the gym, got drunk with my bro at home watch Star Wars. Had fun. Dude, distraction is the best medicine.

@Jbm421 Im just so depressed i cant seem to think of nothing else 😞

@Jbm421 Did you see my comment above mate ?

@Ihateocd83 Yeah that what it does. The trick is going about your day anyways. Go do anything and it the thoughts are there cool, if they're not super cool. You do your day anyway.

@Jbm421 I seen to be the only one who gets thoughts of that extent ? 😞

@Ihateocd83 *seem

@Ihateocd83 No you're not. Any can get that and people like us take those thoughts and runs with them. The trick is leaving them alone.

@Jbm421 Its the way i comment on mens gentials like i like them. And i think how the fuck has this happened

@Ihateocd83 Yeah, I've been there bro. Like I said, try to accept and move along. Only way you can beat it.

@Jbm421 Cheers buddy im glad. Your getting better 👍

@Jbm421 The thoughts make me angry sometimes and im like fuck off 👊