It’s been seven weeks since I ended a very codependent , toxic relationship with a guy . He had good qualities about him, but for some reason I am forgetting his bad qualities. I need to feel the anger and have more self -love. I take ownership with my role in the relationship. We both became mean to each other but to my defense, I honestly feel my meaness was a reaction to his controlling, possessive behavior . We work together and he would be paranoid every time I went to the bathroom . He always thought I was meeting someone in the bathroom . A part of me knows he was crazy , but for some reason I am miserable . He was an alcoholic and I helped him get sober . He even said I was the only person that really tried to get him sober . ever since March , he got more angry and mean . I have not seen him for 7 months since Covid is letting us work from home. He became more paranoid and restless and started to make fun of my OCD. I lost my cat in April and of course it caused my OCD to flare up . He was so impatient and would mock me and told me I needed mental help . It’s been seven weeks since I spoke to him and I hate myself bc I’m not happy . Instead I have compulsions to check his social media . Wtf is wrong with me . Maybe I need someone to virtually slap me and say he was no good . I hate myself for feeling guilty instead of feeling free.

It hasn’t even been a week since my boyfriend broke up with me because of my OCD and depression cocktail. He said that the breakup wasn’t out of him not loving me anymore, but because he and his family had already dealt with very strong mental health issues in the past and that a) he couldn’t bear seeing me hurting all of the time and b) he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be “my nurse”. Then he said that I shouldn’t blame myself because depression and OCD are never anyone’s fault. I’ve tried to be very understanding: I do believe one has a right to decide what one wants in their partner. He doesn’t want a partner with mental health issues, I can understand that. I can also understand that these five months since my OCD made itself known have been very hard on him. But, I also feel so betrayed. He used to nitpick the word “love” so much and reflect on what it actually meant to love. He said loving someone was choosing to stay with them during the good times and the bad. This is absolutely the worst bad time in my entire life. And he said, and also said it to my mother, that he would stick with me through it all. Now five months later, he’s changed his mind. I don’t get how he can say he still loves me and abandon me when I most need love and support. If it’s not my fault like he says, why leave me? He said he still wants to be in my life—at a safe distance, where he can’t see all the ugly parts of what OCD and depression can do to a person. All of this makes me feel as if I wasn’t worth the effort of dealing with everything. Then that’s not love is it? I also feel very lonely as the only people that know about my OCD were him and my parents. He made himself into one of my biggest pillars of support, and shaped our lives so that he could always be with me. So we’re in the same classes, and although we share friends I’ve always felt that they entertained me because I was his girlfriend. As for my closer friends, I’ve felt that I was drifting apart from them and although I’ve furtively mentioned my problems with OCD to them, they either don’t care to ask or aren’t really sure how to talk to me. I feel so alone. And now my “number one supporter” has left, and it angers me very much. Especially because I’ve been the one to calm him down and give him hugs and explained what topics we saw in the class he missed the day after we broke up. I’m the one that convinced him to eat three cookies for dinner because he didn’t want to eat. And I’m the one that had to tell him that friends don’t wish each other a great night every night, like we used to do. It seemed like he wanted things to stay the same but without the relationship part of kissing and dealing with my panic attacks. It feels it’s kind of unfair because he’s not without issues and I didn’t judge him once and always tried to be there for him, and the single biggest issue I have ever had was too much for him. The vengeful part of me wants him to hurt as much as he hurt me. I hope he understands his decision has consequences and that he can’t be with me in the same way he was— especially now that I know that he leaves at my most critical, vulnerable moments. I’m writing this while mad. But I know later I’ll feel sad and more understanding and want to be friends with him again. And then I’ll get mad again. And so on. I know this is just a really tough situation however you look at it. But I’m still overwhelmed by the thought that if OCD had never struck, we might still be together. I also deserve some love and support 😔 Thank you if you read all the way till here. I’m sorry if it was a long read, but I’m very thankful. Nowadays it feels like NOCD is one of my remaining sources of support. I’m very grateful for everyone on here, I hope all of you have a great day and that it’s a victory against this accursed mental disorder

A little over a year ago I ended a 10-year relationship. I found out that he had been lying the whole time and was an alcoholic and avid drug user. Since then, I unexpectedly met and started dating a great guy, but my relationship OCD and trust issues are going to ruin it. He’s given me no reason not to trust him and has reassured me plenty of times that I didn’t deserve what I went through and that it had nothing to do with me. So why do I continue to make snide remarks about his “other girlfriends” and what not… He’s also divorced and has his own problems to work through, so I feel bad adding more to his plate. I know that I’m imagining the worst case scenarios in my head to try and “prepare” myself for things that could happen, but I’m going to lose him because I can’t get out of my head. I’m so afraid of missing something like I did with my ex that I pick everything apart. Every story detail, every inconsistency, heck I even convinced myself he was cheating because he deep cleaned his house on his day off… Advice on starting a new relationship without carrying over the trauma of your old one?

I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.