- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I am so sorry to hear about the relationship. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. That was a big part of your life and it’s human to miss someone that was there all the time. But I feel like you are also very aware that it wasn’t a good relationship and that you were strong enough to leave it. You should be proud of yourself and remember feelings fluctuate and happiness depends on you. It’s okay to not feel happy just yet... don’t force it because it will come to you! You got this and you are so so strong
- Date posted
- 4y ago
He used to make fun of my ocd and kicked me at my lowest . I need to remember this . I helped him get sober but at the end he got frustrated at my ocd and would give me a hard time . I need to remember these things
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Relationships are complex and copdendency affects so many people. You’re not in any way outside the norm to be experiencing it. The question is, what do you do with it now? As you’re aware, the relationship was toxic. But there’s also a lot of powerful emotions of connection and bonding you developed in that time. Self-compassion is useful here. Imagine yourself talking to a good friend going through what you’ve experienced. How would you talk to them? Would you judge them? Would you extend to them the courtesy of understanding? Can you give that to yourself? Second, you’re having thoughts and urges to check his social media. Again, the appearance of these things you aren’t responsible. You’re the culmination of environmental and genetic factors beyond your conscious will to decide. That being said, you can develop the artful skill at looking at them for what they are: fleeting phenomena in the overwhelming sea of thoughts you have in a given day. We often urge others to be kind to those around them, yet frequently don’t urge kindness towards ourselves.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
There is a part of me that thinks the relationship is toxic but there is another part that feels so much guilt . He made me feel guilt for ending it . I told him that I needed to recover due to my ocd and that I could not deal with his controlling ways . He showed no empathy . Instead, he accused me seeing another guy . He is selfish
- Date posted
- 4y ago
FYI . Please forgive my grammar . I am texting and working simultaneously
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Anonymous No worries! Yes, it’s okay to feel all those emotions at once. Where you’re getting tripped up is this notion that you “shouldn’t” feel them. You, of course, just feel them. Should or shouldn’t isn’t part of the equation.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I just hope that I really did the right thing by ending the relationship. He was a recovered alcoholic who still was a dry drunk . Even though he was sober, he was so selfish and manipulating . Whenever I asked him an ocd question, there were times he would say “ what’s in it for me ?” Wow . I helped him get sober and this is what I get when I really needed him . Towards the end , his paranoia and lack of empathy was out of control
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Anonymous You already know it was the right thing to do. Now you’ve just got to accept that you’re going to feel a lot of emotions while you process it.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
FYI we were in a codependent relationship for three years . It’s been 7 weeks since I broke it off. He told me I would regret it , since “ he was so good to me “
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years today because my rocd got so bad and overwhelming i pretty much convinced myself these past three years of my life i wasn’t “actually in love with him” and that I’ve been “faking” it. He means everything to me and i never actually thought i would break up with him but the thoughts were starting to become so painful i started to ruminate about “if im having these thoughts that means i don’t belong with him” and “we arnwt meant to be.”It’s gotten so bad that when i hear a sad song or break up song I’ve convinced myself that since i heard it that means that i need to break up with him. I’ve never felt such intense feelings our whole 3 years of dating. Now that i actually broke up with him my rocd is telling me that i need to get back with him and i really genuinely do but then i feel like ill always feel these doubts and scary thoughts and that it willl be a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. I feel like i just lost the love of my life. I feel like i let my rocd get the best of me and win. Now we aren’t together and i feel broken.
- Date posted
- 23w ago
I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
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