- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I am so sorry to hear about the relationship. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. That was a big part of your life and it’s human to miss someone that was there all the time. But I feel like you are also very aware that it wasn’t a good relationship and that you were strong enough to leave it. You should be proud of yourself and remember feelings fluctuate and happiness depends on you. It’s okay to not feel happy just yet... don’t force it because it will come to you! You got this and you are so so strong
- Date posted
- 4y
He used to make fun of my ocd and kicked me at my lowest . I need to remember this . I helped him get sober but at the end he got frustrated at my ocd and would give me a hard time . I need to remember these things
- Date posted
- 4y
Relationships are complex and copdendency affects so many people. You’re not in any way outside the norm to be experiencing it. The question is, what do you do with it now? As you’re aware, the relationship was toxic. But there’s also a lot of powerful emotions of connection and bonding you developed in that time. Self-compassion is useful here. Imagine yourself talking to a good friend going through what you’ve experienced. How would you talk to them? Would you judge them? Would you extend to them the courtesy of understanding? Can you give that to yourself? Second, you’re having thoughts and urges to check his social media. Again, the appearance of these things you aren’t responsible. You’re the culmination of environmental and genetic factors beyond your conscious will to decide. That being said, you can develop the artful skill at looking at them for what they are: fleeting phenomena in the overwhelming sea of thoughts you have in a given day. We often urge others to be kind to those around them, yet frequently don’t urge kindness towards ourselves.
- Date posted
- 4y
There is a part of me that thinks the relationship is toxic but there is another part that feels so much guilt . He made me feel guilt for ending it . I told him that I needed to recover due to my ocd and that I could not deal with his controlling ways . He showed no empathy . Instead, he accused me seeing another guy . He is selfish
- Date posted
- 4y
FYI . Please forgive my grammar . I am texting and working simultaneously
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous No worries! Yes, it’s okay to feel all those emotions at once. Where you’re getting tripped up is this notion that you “shouldn’t” feel them. You, of course, just feel them. Should or shouldn’t isn’t part of the equation.
- Date posted
- 4y
@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett I just hope that I really did the right thing by ending the relationship. He was a recovered alcoholic who still was a dry drunk . Even though he was sober, he was so selfish and manipulating . Whenever I asked him an ocd question, there were times he would say “ what’s in it for me ?” Wow . I helped him get sober and this is what I get when I really needed him . Towards the end , his paranoia and lack of empathy was out of control
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous You already know it was the right thing to do. Now you’ve just got to accept that you’re going to feel a lot of emotions while you process it.
- Date posted
- 4y
FYI we were in a codependent relationship for three years . It’s been 7 weeks since I broke it off. He told me I would regret it , since “ he was so good to me “
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
A little over a year ago I ended a 10-year relationship. I found out that he had been lying the whole time and was an alcoholic and avid drug user. Since then, I unexpectedly met and started dating a great guy, but my relationship OCD and trust issues are going to ruin it. He’s given me no reason not to trust him and has reassured me plenty of times that I didn’t deserve what I went through and that it had nothing to do with me. So why do I continue to make snide remarks about his “other girlfriends” and what not… He’s also divorced and has his own problems to work through, so I feel bad adding more to his plate. I know that I’m imagining the worst case scenarios in my head to try and “prepare” myself for things that could happen, but I’m going to lose him because I can’t get out of my head. I’m so afraid of missing something like I did with my ex that I pick everything apart. Every story detail, every inconsistency, heck I even convinced myself he was cheating because he deep cleaned his house on his day off… Advice on starting a new relationship without carrying over the trauma of your old one?
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.
- Date posted
- 15w
Do yall ever reread old texts from a toxic ex and try and “solve” stuff constantly? We ended things 4 months ago and every day I go through old texts trying to prove I wasn’t the bad one, make SURE she was toxic, “solve” a random toxic moment I remember and make sure I have ALL the details remembered accurately and that I’m not misremembering it. It’s like im still living in the relationship. It’s draining and will not stop. Is this an OCD thing? How is it fixed?
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