It’s been seven weeks since I ended a very codependent , toxic relationship with a guy . He had good qualities about him, but for some reason I am forgetting his bad qualities. I need to feel the anger and have more self -love. I take ownership with my role in the relationship. We both became mean to each other but to my defense, I honestly feel my meaness was a reaction to his controlling, possessive behavior . We work together and he would be paranoid every time I went to the bathroom . He always thought I was meeting someone in the bathroom . A part of me knows he was crazy , but for some reason I am miserable . He was an alcoholic and I helped him get sober . He even said I was the only person that really tried to get him sober . ever since March , he got more angry and mean . I have not seen him for 7 months since Covid is letting us work from home. He became more paranoid and restless and started to make fun of my OCD. I lost my cat in April and of course it caused my OCD to flare up . He was so impatient and would mock me and told me I needed mental help . It’s been seven weeks since I spoke to him and I hate myself bc I’m not happy . Instead I have compulsions to check his social media . Wtf is wrong with me . Maybe I need someone to virtually slap me and say he was no good . I hate myself for feeling guilty instead of feeling free.

I am so sorry to hear about the relationship. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. That was a big part of your life and it’s human to miss someone that was there all the time. But I feel like you are also very aware that it wasn’t a good relationship and that you were strong enough to leave it. You should be proud of yourself and remember feelings fluctuate and happiness depends on you. It’s okay to not feel happy just yet... don’t force it because it will come to you! You got this and you are so so strong

Relationships are complex and copdendency affects so many people. You’re not in any way outside the norm to be experiencing it. The question is, what do you do with it now? As you’re aware, the relationship was toxic. But there’s also a lot of powerful emotions of connection and bonding you developed in that time. Self-compassion is useful here. Imagine yourself talking to a good friend going through what you’ve experienced. How would you talk to them? Would you judge them? Would you extend to them the courtesy of understanding? Can you give that to yourself? Second, you’re having thoughts and urges to check his social media. Again, the appearance of these things you aren’t responsible. You’re the culmination of environmental and genetic factors beyond your conscious will to decide. That being said, you can develop the artful skill at looking at them for what they are: fleeting phenomena in the overwhelming sea of thoughts you have in a given day. We often urge others to be kind to those around them, yet frequently don’t urge kindness towards ourselves.

FYI we were in a codependent relationship for three years . It’s been 7 weeks since I broke it off. He told me I would regret it , since “ he was so good to me “