It’s been seven weeks since I ended a very codependent , toxic relationship with a guy . He had good qualities about him, but for some reason I am forgetting his bad qualities. I need to feel the anger and have more self -love. I take ownership with my role in the relationship. We both became mean to each other but to my defense, I honestly feel my meaness was a reaction to his controlling, possessive behavior . We work together and he would be paranoid every time I went to the bathroom . He always thought I was meeting someone in the bathroom . A part of me knows he was crazy , but for some reason I am miserable . He was an alcoholic and I helped him get sober . He even said I was the only person that really tried to get him sober . ever since March , he got more angry and mean . I have not seen him for 7 months since Covid is letting us work from home. He became more paranoid and restless and started to make fun of my OCD. I lost my cat in April and of course it caused my OCD to flare up . He was so impatient and would mock me and told me I needed mental help . It’s been seven weeks since I spoke to him and I hate myself bc I’m not happy . Instead I have compulsions to check his social media . Wtf is wrong with me . Maybe I need someone to virtually slap me and say he was no good . I hate myself for feeling guilty instead of feeling free.

I’m overanlazing alot of things. My first post on my profile covers everything but I’m so worried and like nervous reck of what my ex boyfriend could be doing. We are on no contact for almost 3 weeks now which is the longest we’ve ever gone. I’m getting so much into my head like if he already moved on, or if he’s talking with some girl already, or letting a girl hit on him. Or even going back to bad habits. It’s been driving me nuts for the past few days. I’m still mad at him for hurting me mentally but miss him too. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me, wrong with the way I’m thinking, like I’m not normal for thinking these things. That he’d find me weird I wonder those things and that I check on his profile on instagram, just staring at it, blocking and un blocking him. I worry that maybe he doesn’t think of me anymore. And he just. Doesn’t care. I feel like an older version of him would say I’m being too much, that I’m overthinking to so many extents that even tho we are broken up, he’s single and so am I and I shouldn’t care this much about it. But I do. And I’m sure it’s because I’m still in love with him. Even if I’m mad and upset still.

My ex just told me I’m a narcissist and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for days now. He broke up with me for the 7th and final time now and I did have an avoidance compulsion but I don’t think it was all ocd because he would continuously make poor choices and I was feeling used by the end of the relationship. However I was still trying to convince myself it would get better and it’s just a rough patch we’ll get through eventually. I blamed my ocd because I didn’t want to give up on him and I feel like maybe I was just in denial that it wasn’t meant to be but I also wanted out for a while now. I felt guilty for feeling relieved when he broke up with me but it was a civil conversation and it seemed like we were ending on good terms. But now he’s telling everyone that I’m a narcissist and I abused him emotionally and I was controlling when I let this man do WHATEVER he wanted. I’m controlling because I said I wanted to do his hair because I’m literally a stylist. He said I’m just like my mother and I’m a sh*tty person. He sent me a long paragraph of why I’m worse than all of his exes and that I’m a bad mother days after we broke up. I know I should’ve handled the situation differently but I don’t think that should ruin me as a person. He also said he no longer believes what the men in my past did to me because I’m a narcissist so that means I’m a liar. Knowing one of my biggest fears is becoming the people who hurt me. Part of me feels like he knew this was an obsession of mine and used it against me. I really feel like the worst person alive right now. Like Hitler level evil. I normally don’t post much but this is ruining me right now and I don’t know who else to turn to. I’m out of options and I’m really just helpless right now.

Hey there, I have had fears of having BPD (especially fears around identity) for six months now. I’ve been told by four therapists I don’t have it. I am diagnosed with OCD, OCPD, BDD, and ADHD.  I have been engaging in compulsions pretty much every hour of every day for the past six months.  I heavily monitor myself in all ways. Even a mood shift will send me into a spiral. I am currently in a really really bad loop about BPD identity disturbance all because my interest focus shifted to things I haven’t paid attention to in awhile when the other day I was heavily into cathedrals, castles, 90’s whimsical etc. (note i have always enjoyed that stuff and still do) but today my focus isn’t on those things at the moment. I’ve liked the same music and a lot of the same things since I was 9 (but more refined) but the genres I like cycle like in seasons. If i am around someone who has similar interests as me even if I haven’t paid attention to them in a little - it will re-spark excitement. But of course my OCD flags that as identity issues and then questions everything. I also recently broke up with my partner of 4 years. The Texting Conflict • I was at breakfast with my grandmother after helping her drop off her car to get her windshield fixed (so I had been driving the whole time. • I didn’t reply right away to one of his casual texts after I read it and got side tracked, but I did later clarify: “I’m out eating with my grandmother babe” when he texted again. He then left me on read. I followed up with a call afterward on my way home to chat. • It only took one hour for him to escalate with multiple needy texts after I left him on read, then stonewalled me the rest of the day and the following morning. The following morning I sent a kind “Good morning” text - he gave me a cold response, then eventually gave me an ultimatum: “change or we’re done.” • I chose self-respect instead of bending unfairly. 1. Respond quicker every single time • He wanted me to never miss a reply or delay in texting. • Why it’s unfair: I’m present and responsive the majority of the time (about 98%). I’ve told him before that sometimes I get busy or forget — ADHD plays a role in that, and it’s not intentional or personal. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. 2. Stop putting my phone on sleep mode • He didn’t like that I had notifications silenced. • Why it’s unfair: Sleep mode is a healthy boundary for me — it reduces overwhelm and allows me to decide when to check messages (which is crucial with ADHD). It has nothing to do with rejecting him, and everything to do with managing my mental health. 3. Stop talking about OCD “problems” • He threw my OCD struggles back in my face, saying “all we talk about are your problems.” • Why it’s unfair: I don’t choose OCD — it’s part of my reality. Early on, he told me he was with me through it, but later used it as ammunition. Not long ago, he even walked out on me during an OCD flare-up that wasn’t about him. I even gave him resources on loving someone with OCD, yet he ignored that and repeated the same behavior. 4. Expecting disproportionate attention • He got upset when I didn’t give him enough attention for a mild cold while he was overseas — meanwhile, I was battling OCD fears that had nothing to do with him. • Why it’s unfair: The situations weren’t comparable. He expected more empathy for a temporary cold than he was willing to extend to me for a chronic, distressing condition. 5. Ultimatum: “Change or we’re done” • His final move was to demand that I fundamentally change how I operate or lose the relationship. • Why it’s unfair: This wasn’t a request for compromise — it was an ultimatum that required me to abandon who I am and how I manage my life. That’s not love, that’s control. ⸻ My Conduct • I remained mature and respectful throughout. • I communicated my reality clearly (ADHD, OCD, sleep mode, my need for balance). • I didn’t lash out or act impulsively — I stood firm on fairness and authenticity. ⸻ Emotional Support Pattern • When I shared vulnerable things (like my dream about my grandparents’ house), his replies were often short and dismissive (“Oh no bbbb”), delayed, or surface-level. • But when he shared trivial things (like a poop text), he expected me to respond right away — and got upset if I didn’t. ⸻ His Shifting Stance • At first, he told me “I support you and understand.” • Later, he flipped to “All we talk about are your problems.” • That shift showed me his support was conditional — he wanted credit for being supportive, but when it required real patience, he grew resentful and used it against me. ⸻ My Response • I was consistent: I expressed my needs, explained my side, and even showed growth • I refused to compromise my authenticity when faced with an ultimatum. • I saw that his lack of reciprocity — short replies, withdrawal, double standards — was the real issue, not me. ⸻ My Core Takeaway • This relationship wasn’t balanced. I gave consistent communication, honesty, and growth. • He gave mixed signals: sometimes affectionate, but also dismissive, resentful, and controlling. • His lack of response to my vulnerability, his double standards around communication, and his flip from “I support you” to “you’re too much” revealed that he couldn’t meet me with true reciprocity. • When he demanded unfair change, I upheld my boundary. I didn’t overreact — I acted from self-respect and fairness. But then of course even through empowerment after the breakup (I cried over it for one day and now I’m fine) - I worried if I acted BPD in any way. 😑 I’m tired.