a01
- Date posted
- 4y
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
This triggered me
ihavehopeihavehope
- Date posted
- 4y
same
a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y
But I feel unhappy because I feel like I'm living a lie...when I say "I'm straight" it doesn't feel right anymore and just about everything triggers me. So idk if it's really ocd or if I'm trying to make it seem like it's ocd
nGfloatnGfloat
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, me too. Its hard to live with.
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
I know it’s hard to see it when you’re in it. But from here, it’s pretty clear. I’ve also had this theme and felt what you’re describing. I like how this article articulates some of the differences: https://jackieleasommers.com/tag/homosexual-vs-hocd/
a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Although that was helpful, it was also a bit triggering because the people with hocd said that they felt disgust /nausea when thinking about being with someone of the same sex. When I think about it it's like "whatever"...that's what makes me feel like I'm in denial
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@a01 Anything I share will be triggering because you’re performing compulsions to compare yourself to prove/disprove your obsession. Also, as time goes on with this theme, the thoughts no longer produce disgust. And the obsession moves from focusing on having the thoughts to how one feels about the thoughts. And that brings up all kinds of new intrusions, like unwanted feelings that you like, agree with, or want the thoughts. OCD is an onion and each new layer sucks. If thinking about all of this was just “whatever” and you didn’t care at all, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be endlessly researching online. And you’d just go live a wonderful gay life, no problem. Denial doesn’t work like most people think. It’s not something you’re unaware of. It’s something you actively know and choose to hide. This is my favorite article on it: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342 I can’t sit here and prove to you you have ocd and this isn’t a “real” identity crisis. And doing so would only be reassurance and wouldn’t help you in any lasting way. My point is that if this is ocd, you are not treating it the way you’d need to in order to recover at this point. You’re freely performing compulsions, and coming here to perform more. What you’re doing hasn’t worked so far, so why not try something new?
missblueskymissbluesky
- Date posted
- 4y
i have this fear too. i’ve been depressed ever since the hocd hit.
a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y
Do you ever get thoughts that feel like maybe you do want a girlfriend and you'll be happier that way?
nGfloatnGfloat
- Date posted
- 4y
@a01 I get thoughts like that about guys. Sucks. It is very confusing. Doesn’t feel right but the OCD can be very convincing.
ReckonerReckoner
- Date posted
- 4y
maybe it's true
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
You were obviously looking this article up as a compulsion and now you’re deeper into obsession. You shouldn’t be looking up articles like this. That’s a researching compulsion. And it will only make you less sure of yourself. Never more. People in real denial are probably more likely to be unhappy. That has nothing to do with you. You have ocd. People with ocd have anxiety and depression because they engage in compulsions rather than allowing for the uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty to just be without trying to fix or get rid of them. I can’t answer your question and no one here can. But the fact that you’re here asking others to tell you whether you’re suppressing yourself should be a big indicator to you that you are in fact asking for reassurance because you have ocd and are performing more compulsions.
a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel like I've tried anything, and I feel like I actually am in denial and just afraid of facing the truth about myself because I'm afraid of changing my whole life, my family disowning me, making the wrong decision etc. I never have questioned myself to this extent until this year. And although I am attracted and want relationships with the opposite sex I sometimes feel like I'm forcing it or its not really for me and I'll be happier and better off with a woman but I don't want it to be that. Ugh I don't know if this is Denial or not, I've read every article, tried erp, counseling etc.
missblueskymissbluesky
- Date posted
- 4y
you’ve seen an ocd specialist?
a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y
@missbluesky I seen 3 therapist that say they had experience with ocd but whenever I brought up this issue they wanted me to explore why I was having these thoughts and feelings. There really aren't any ocd specialist where I live or very expensive
missblueskymissbluesky
- Date posted
- 4y
@a01 did they say that after you brought up ur past?
a01a01
- Date posted
- 4y
@missbluesky No they just asked why I was having thoughts and feelings and if I ever did before and one therapist said it could be an awakening
pureolifepureolife
- Date posted
- 4y
@a01 When a regular therapist says they have experience with ERP they usually only know how to apply it to physical compulsions and the types of obsessions we can physically see (like hand washing.) The fact that they asked you to evaluate these emotions shows they are completely unqualified to treat you for mental compulsions and pure o. I know treatment is expensive but if there was ever anything worth the investment I’d say it’s this. Your happiness and well-being are worth it. An ocd workbook could also be useful. https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 20w
Sexual orientation ocd
Can sexual orientation ocd make you act on your fears and make you have same sex experiences ever and then after the experience realize that’s not what you are or want?
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 16w
Can I be born with ocd?
So basically I didn’t know till my hocd started. But looking back at my life I had ocd since I was a kid. Like 6-7 years old. First time happening I remember that when I was doing stuff many times I had to say something like a little poem in my head to stop it. Then I had this thing were if I felt my left foot touch the floor 5 times I had to do the touch the floor with my right foot too. Then I had something I guess contamination??? Basically after washing my hands I had a sensation on my hand like I could still “feel” the germs and I had to wash them again. Then I started having thoughts of my family members getting hurt. I had intrusive thoughts about me hurting my dog. Then I had this obsession that a guy who used to be in my school is looking for me to beat me up. And how it’s this obsession about my sexuality even tho I never doubted or questioned it before. Is that possible??? Like can you be born with it? I’m pretty sure both my parents have it too. At least at some level. Take my father for example he had an obsession that he was going to die the moment he turned 30.
vaiiolyn
- Date posted
- 14w
Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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