- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
This triggered me
- Date posted
- 4y
same
- Date posted
- 4y
But I feel unhappy because I feel like I'm living a lie...when I say "I'm straight" it doesn't feel right anymore and just about everything triggers me. So idk if it's really ocd or if I'm trying to make it seem like it's ocd
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah, me too. Its hard to live with.
- Date posted
- 4y
I know it’s hard to see it when you’re in it. But from here, it’s pretty clear. I’ve also had this theme and felt what you’re describing. I like how this article articulates some of the differences: https://jackieleasommers.com/tag/homosexual-vs-hocd/
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife Although that was helpful, it was also a bit triggering because the people with hocd said that they felt disgust /nausea when thinking about being with someone of the same sex. When I think about it it's like "whatever"...that's what makes me feel like I'm in denial
- Date posted
- 4y
@a01 Anything I share will be triggering because you’re performing compulsions to compare yourself to prove/disprove your obsession. Also, as time goes on with this theme, the thoughts no longer produce disgust. And the obsession moves from focusing on having the thoughts to how one feels about the thoughts. And that brings up all kinds of new intrusions, like unwanted feelings that you like, agree with, or want the thoughts. OCD is an onion and each new layer sucks. If thinking about all of this was just “whatever” and you didn’t care at all, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be endlessly researching online. And you’d just go live a wonderful gay life, no problem. Denial doesn’t work like most people think. It’s not something you’re unaware of. It’s something you actively know and choose to hide. This is my favorite article on it: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342 I can’t sit here and prove to you you have ocd and this isn’t a “real” identity crisis. And doing so would only be reassurance and wouldn’t help you in any lasting way. My point is that if this is ocd, you are not treating it the way you’d need to in order to recover at this point. You’re freely performing compulsions, and coming here to perform more. What you’re doing hasn’t worked so far, so why not try something new?
- Date posted
- 4y
i have this fear too. i’ve been depressed ever since the hocd hit.
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- 4y
Do you ever get thoughts that feel like maybe you do want a girlfriend and you'll be happier that way?
- Date posted
- 4y
@a01 I get thoughts like that about guys. Sucks. It is very confusing. Doesn’t feel right but the OCD can be very convincing.
- Date posted
- 4y
maybe it's true
- Date posted
- 4y
You were obviously looking this article up as a compulsion and now you’re deeper into obsession. You shouldn’t be looking up articles like this. That’s a researching compulsion. And it will only make you less sure of yourself. Never more. People in real denial are probably more likely to be unhappy. That has nothing to do with you. You have ocd. People with ocd have anxiety and depression because they engage in compulsions rather than allowing for the uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty to just be without trying to fix or get rid of them. I can’t answer your question and no one here can. But the fact that you’re here asking others to tell you whether you’re suppressing yourself should be a big indicator to you that you are in fact asking for reassurance because you have ocd and are performing more compulsions.
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel like I've tried anything, and I feel like I actually am in denial and just afraid of facing the truth about myself because I'm afraid of changing my whole life, my family disowning me, making the wrong decision etc. I never have questioned myself to this extent until this year. And although I am attracted and want relationships with the opposite sex I sometimes feel like I'm forcing it or its not really for me and I'll be happier and better off with a woman but I don't want it to be that. Ugh I don't know if this is Denial or not, I've read every article, tried erp, counseling etc.
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- 4y
you’ve seen an ocd specialist?
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- 4y
@missbluesky I seen 3 therapist that say they had experience with ocd but whenever I brought up this issue they wanted me to explore why I was having these thoughts and feelings. There really aren't any ocd specialist where I live or very expensive
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- 4y
@a01 did they say that after you brought up ur past?
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- 4y
@missbluesky No they just asked why I was having thoughts and feelings and if I ever did before and one therapist said it could be an awakening
- Date posted
- 4y
@a01 When a regular therapist says they have experience with ERP they usually only know how to apply it to physical compulsions and the types of obsessions we can physically see (like hand washing.) The fact that they asked you to evaluate these emotions shows they are completely unqualified to treat you for mental compulsions and pure o. I know treatment is expensive but if there was ever anything worth the investment I’d say it’s this. Your happiness and well-being are worth it. An ocd workbook could also be useful. https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
- Date posted
- 13w
Need some advice please. I'm trying to fix my social anxiety, self esteem and confidence but ocd infests itself and makes me I had all these issues because I my ocd was true all along. For example, Im extremely uptight/awkward around people and have a fear of being judged, laughed at or seen through, fear of not being liked etc. One cause of this I read is it's because i suppressed my real self/feelings and pretended to put on a fake mask to be liked by others/fit in and now that im older that mask is breaking and causing me disconnect from my real self. My hocd inserts itself and makes me feel because I was gay all along without knowing it is why it happened. It genuinely feels like that's the case but then I feel dreaded and depressed because it feels so real I'm ready to accept that scenario. But back then I didnt think I could have been gay or anything. Im not sure how to handle this difficulty. Please any advice?
- Date posted
- 9w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
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