I read this article that said people who suppress themselves or in denial being homosexual can have ocd, anxiety and depression. So do I have ocd and anxiety due to being in denial and suppressing my true self?

same

Yeah, me too. Its hard to live with.

I know it’s hard to see it when you’re in it. But from here, it’s pretty clear. I’ve also had this theme and felt what you’re describing. I like how this article articulates some of the differences: https://jackieleasommers.com/tag/homosexual-vs-hocd/

@pureolife Although that was helpful, it was also a bit triggering because the people with hocd said that they felt disgust /nausea when thinking about being with someone of the same sex. When I think about it it's like "whatever"...that's what makes me feel like I'm in denial

@a01 Anything I share will be triggering because you’re performing compulsions to compare yourself to prove/disprove your obsession. Also, as time goes on with this theme, the thoughts no longer produce disgust. And the obsession moves from focusing on having the thoughts to how one feels about the thoughts. And that brings up all kinds of new intrusions, like unwanted feelings that you like, agree with, or want the thoughts. OCD is an onion and each new layer sucks. If thinking about all of this was just “whatever” and you didn’t care at all, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be endlessly researching online. And you’d just go live a wonderful gay life, no problem. Denial doesn’t work like most people think. It’s not something you’re unaware of. It’s something you actively know and choose to hide. This is my favorite article on it: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342 I can’t sit here and prove to you you have ocd and this isn’t a “real” identity crisis. And doing so would only be reassurance and wouldn’t help you in any lasting way. My point is that if this is ocd, you are not treating it the way you’d need to in order to recover at this point. You’re freely performing compulsions, and coming here to perform more. What you’re doing hasn’t worked so far, so why not try something new?

Do you ever get thoughts that feel like maybe you do want a girlfriend and you'll be happier that way?

@a01 I get thoughts like that about guys. Sucks. It is very confusing. Doesn’t feel right but the OCD can be very convincing.

you’ve seen an ocd specialist?

@missbluesky I seen 3 therapist that say they had experience with ocd but whenever I brought up this issue they wanted me to explore why I was having these thoughts and feelings. There really aren't any ocd specialist where I live or very expensive

@a01 did they say that after you brought up ur past?

@missbluesky No they just asked why I was having thoughts and feelings and if I ever did before and one therapist said it could be an awakening

@a01 When a regular therapist says they have experience with ERP they usually only know how to apply it to physical compulsions and the types of obsessions we can physically see (like hand washing.) The fact that they asked you to evaluate these emotions shows they are completely unqualified to treat you for mental compulsions and pure o. I know treatment is expensive but if there was ever anything worth the investment I’d say it’s this. Your happiness and well-being are worth it. An ocd workbook could also be useful. https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings