My mind goes on and on with this thought that I might like one of my friend. Before I started having these thoughts I use to talk to her a lot we kind of are good friends but when I started having these thoughts my mond went on like "Why do feel happy talking to her" but that time I was psh I don't like her this is absurd a month later the thought hostaged my mind and I started to avoid her, I stopped calling her I stopped texting her, viewing her IG stories and I stopped posting to knowing that she might respond. My mind was coming up with intrusive thoughts and I wanted to stopped them, I didn't know about OCD back then and I wanted to stop them so I blocked her but I had to unblock her because I didn't have a valid justification and that she also called me to ask why I blocked her I made a lame excuse but that day I realised that it wasn't that hard to talk to her, i was for sure anxious but I was okay. It has been several days since that happened I still overthink but I don't avoid her now. But I am still afraid what if I liked her romantically what if I am attracted to her. I don't want to, I want be her friend nothing more than that and I don'twant to feel anxious and have sick stomach and heart palpitations. I started getting these impulsive thoughts 3months and now I have to go to school next Saturday after 9months in Pandemic, I am anxious what if I get attracted to her when I meet her, what if when I see other girls I get attracted them. What if she says something and I get attracted to that. Like shitty thoughts I don't want to feel that way

This almost everyday happens to me.This is causing me extreme pain :(

Sounds like HOCD / SOOCD to me. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Everything you’re describing are very classic symptoms of this theme. I see people on here writing similar posts all the time and I’ve experienced similar issues in the past. Have you talked with your parents about seeing an ocd specialist yet? You don’t need to share with them exactly what’s going on and what you’re obsessing about. Just share that you’ve been struggling and think you’ve found a potential cause and would like to speak to a professional. If they ask questions you’re uncomfortable answering, just tell them you’re not ready to share yet but really appreciate their love and support and hope they can help you get the help you need. Finding an OCD Specialist is key. Regular therapists don’t know how to treat this disorder and will even offer counterproductive advice. This app offers ocd specialists in certain areas so you may be able to go directly through them. If therapy is not an option, please invest in some readings and workbooks on ocd to start getting educated on it and to start learning tips for recovery: https://ocdla.com/ocdreadings Eventually you’ll probably want to see an ocd specialist anyways but these are a great supplement in the mean time. You’re not alone in this and it’s okay to feel upset, anxious, and angry at these thoughts for disrupting your life. With proper ERP treatment, 80% of people with ocd see improvements. So the good news is we have very good therapies available if you can find a specialist.