What has your experiences been with moral or religious ocd? Might be experiencing it. Really afraid I'm going to become bad

Thank you Babbie :) it means a lot. I had a lot og trouble with communion too. Before communion I would have a lot of thoughts that I dont believe in God and so I prayed and felt guilty afterwards like I did something wrong. Glad to know I was not alone in this

@butterflystar I'm having a hard time with what I think is my religious ocd

Well I guess it's my cousin. She is with a new boyfriend and she posts a lot of inappropriate stuff that I dont support. I keep getting anxious that I will become like her or that I want to or people would respect me more if I was "bad". I hate these thoughts. I have always been kind of a goody two shoes and haven't minded but its like all of a sudden my mind is trying to get me to act out and I hate it! It makes me want to cry! I then start to do things that I enjoy like embroider or decorate for Christmas and my brain goes "that's too good, you're acting like a child or a grandma" and I'm tired of it 😔 I just want to feel normal but I can't tell if I really want to go crazy and become like my cousin or if its OCD or if I'm just being ridiculous! Sorry for ranting its just been hard today. I did drink caffeine and I forgot to take my medicine so that probably doesn't help me lol.

@anyonymous Hey!! No don't apologise, its good to ask others and sometimes it's really hard to think clearly and work it out when it's so chaotic up there in the mind. Well, I can remember that this definitely is one of your OCD themes / obsessions. It sounds like you got triggered by seeing your cousins posts and the following thoughts. You are attaching a lot of extra meaning to these thoughts, and is what we all do here who have OCD, whether it's contimination related // harmful thoughts// moral themes. So it might be something like this - - Seen the photo online. "oh gosh why would she post that? Wait, What if I want to be just like her and go wild" thought.. The next thought might be "oh no!! why did I think that? Do I really want to be like that?!! No but I don't .. But maybe I do because I've always been a good girl compared to society... Oh gosh am I so stupid that I can't decide who I am??" This right here is engaging with an intrusive thought. Suddenly it went from seeing a photo online to compulsive mind chatter. I don't say this to sound mean, or rude, but to show you that this is the disorder of OCD. It's the OCD, not you! ❤️ I think a good part of therapy is looking at the meaning you attach to those thoughts-- like what deep down alarms you about these thoughts. And with the help of a therapist, they will help you see a different perspective and help you distance yourself from the thoughts. P. S. You know I totally support your embroidery, games and crafts! That's what makes you, YOU! And it makes you totally cool!! God didn't create you to be like her [all other females] he created you to be just the way you are 😊❤️ I know it's hard, but just baby steps, that's all you need to focus on Step by step you will move mountains 😊❤️

@ButterflyStar Thank you ❤ I guess it is the meaning I attach to it. I don't even know why it happens. I know a lot of people my age who embroider or make jewelry or play board games and I think it's awesome! I guess it is just when I see someone like my cousin or even a stranger talk about things that I don't want to do and my family disapproves of too, something triggers my obsessive thoughts around this. In a way, I guess what worries me most is that some of the things she does or these strangers do is considered normal for them but not for me because of my belief in Jesus. I really would like to talk to a counselor about it but my current counselor doesn't really think I have OCD and so we mainly just talk things through which is helpful some but not enough sometimes so I am not really sure what to do.

@anyonymous Yes I understand. I get triggered too by things that go against by beliefs because I follow Christ. At least I'm not the only one 😊. Ah OK, and how long have you been with this counsellor? Would you rather someone who recognises your OCD? Because I think that's a very valid reason to be connected with a counsellor who does 😊. I'm praying for you! I really do. And I know, I know I know that He WILL guide you through this hardship. He is making you stronger , even right now as you cry, He is there and He is making you stronger

@ButterflyStar I have been with her for a few months and she is really kind and cares about me and is also a Christian which I like but she said she isn't sure it's ocd and didn't really seem to recognize internal compulsions which is what I mostly go through. I am considering switching counselors but I am a little scared to start the process all over again. Thank you for praying! That means the most to me :)

@anyonymous Yes I understand! It's hard because sometimes people in the church don't recognise moral and scrupolosity OCD at all as an actual disorder. And try to treat it as a spiritual problem. Which unfortunately can be just concreting compulsions further such as memorising scripture, praying more. A good way is actually two prong approach - with a trained clinical therapist one person, and the other person a Christian counsellor/ pastoral care. They need to recognise treatment for OCD to treat the disorder must work hand in hand. After 2 years with a trained therapist, only now I may be finding the pastoral influence - I'm going to ask my pastor. And if it helps, I will keep going but if not, I'll have to just put that to the side for now and keep going with the therapist solo. I know it is daunting starting all over again, but I trust the Lord will guide you in His perfect plan! 😊👍 Not all these sessions will go to waste, He will keep the good stuff in your heart 😊. You seem like you really do know and are aware of what you need so don't be afraid to come forward with that. You deserve it 😊👍

@ButterflyStar Thank you so much! I think both might be helpful for me too! My current therapist is a licensed therapist but I am not sure if she knows a lot about OCD so I may need to find someone new even if it scares me! I love this platform and that it allows me to talk to people who understand.

@anyonymous Aw no problem 😊😊 Yes that sounds good! Me too I really am! And people really understand how distressing the thoughts are compared to those around us- family and friends who just don't understand how upsetting it can all get

@ButterflyStar Praying for you as well by the way! And always here if you have anything bothering you, you want to chat about ☺