Someone please help me 😢 I’m having what I think is a false memory of me cheating on my boyfriend by kissing someone else On a night out a few days ago. This sprung out of no where and I kind of could’ve guessed it would happen as I have had a lot of false memories in the past month and I fear them. Now, this is something I would never do because my boyfriend is my entire world I can’t explain how much I love him. It is breaking my heart having these what if thoughts, and it’s breaking my heart to picture him heartbroken over this. I wish I could figure out how false memories happen. I wish this horrible mental disease never existed. I feel like I have completely ruined my life

Hi Helly. I'm with you on this one. Does your boyfriend know about your OCD? Can you talk to him about it? I would love to reassure you that this didn't happen, but I know that goes against OCD treatment rules 😅. I'm reading a very good book on intrusive thoughts. Have you been in therapy? The worst thing you can do to yourself right now is replay this thought over and over and over again in your mind because you're giving it power. And the more your obsess over it, the worse it'll become. I think the false memories come from us having a thought that really really goes against everything we believe in. It all comes down to importance. For you, you love your boyfriend so so much and the last thing you'd ever want to do is jeopardise your relationship. And so that's what OCD attacks. And because your relationship is so important, the thought of running it through cheating becomes so powerful that you obsess over it until it becomes a false memory. I also don't fully understand the false memory part of OCD, and I'm struggling with my own false memory at the moment. But I hope what I said gives you a little bit of comfort knowing you are definitely not alone in this. 💛

Hi @helly! I think it's wonderful that you have a supportive boyfriend! But remember, the very nature of our OCD is to make us doubt, that's why you even assume that your boyfriend thinks you're lying when he has clearly told you he trusts you. I'm sorry that you can't find a therapist, but I'm hoping this app will help. In the meantime, try and get your hands on some good books to read on intrusive thoughts and OCD? I'm reading "Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts" by Sally M Winston and Martin N Seif. And "Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" by David Veale and Rob Wilson. I ordered them off Amazon. But I GET you 100%. Dealing with the uncertainty is painful and hard and exhausting. I also need to find an ERP therapist. Keep going, ok? Try reading the books and keep looking for a therapist. Reach out to me any time if you want to chat, because I know exactly what you're feeling.

Of course! Wishing you all the best Helly. You've got this.