Feeling especially triggered today. I feel like no matter what I want, I always automatically sexualize women. It feels like an automatic compulsion but I know that before this theme of OCD, I never used to do that (or at least recognize that I was doing it?) I know a back door spike is a sign you’re getting better, but I feel so defeated and can’t see myself being able to move on and pursue a relationship with a man (or even a woman if I’ve been in denial this whole time). I don’t want to end up alone but I feel that’s the direction I’m headed