merix
- Date posted
- 4y
john 2018john 2018
- Date posted
- 4y
Completely understand you. Everyday I’m struggling with my memory. Did I touch that object or wall? And I just stare at it for awhile, while my brain goes 100 miles. It is so frustrating that one can even trust their own brain. You are not alone. Keep the fight.
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
What do you do? I’m laying here freaking out bc after a long showe and my hands are raw i think i touched something dirty when putting lotion on. But now ive touched the lotion, my night cream, door, phone, bed. Argh! Its toonlate to go back and I just don’t want to wash my hands again but I really want to.
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
@merix The same thing is happening to me right now. I washed my hands several times and then just layed down and haven’t even gotten up or touched anything else since, but I’m still doubting everything I did or didn’t touch. It’s SO frustrating. And like I know I didn’t touch anything but I still don’t know it for sure and I can’t convince myself it’s so frustrating. So I’m just lying here like freaking out but I really don’t wanna wash them again.
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
@merix I also struggle with the same thing of just realizing that I might have touched something, and then when I realize it I’m like “fuck. It’s too late. Everything else is already contaminated”. It’s the worst
john 2018john 2018
- Date posted
- 4y
I understand your frustration. My situation right now is the following: because I don’t want to go the bathroom because I would end up doing hand wash rituals for like an hour, I always know were are my hands. They are up at the level of my neck. I have been doing this since the last year. I’m not recommending doing this! All the contrary. Don’t let it continue to evolve. Because it would never end evolving. I’m trying to work with my hand washing rituals. I had gotten better earlier in the year but after the pandemic hit it went backwards. Continue the work. And know that you are not alone. Knowing that helps me.
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks. I sometimes raise my hands after washing and I’m going to touch something i want clean hands for. I feel ridiculous. Or once in bed I don’t want to get up and use the bathroom bc that means hand washing.
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes. All. The. Time.
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
I hate it.
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
@merix I barely know which thoughts to trust anymore 😕
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
@LAHsagna It’s so ridiculous. My brain is a total traitorous bitch. And it doesn’t help to feel ridiculous and crazy and clumsy and useless. All thr negative feelings garner more anxiety. Sigh.
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
@merix I can definitely relate. Hang in there. Have you stared ERP yet?
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
@LAHsagna So not really. Ive been seeing a therapist for a while now amd even the thought of reducing my compulsions brought about a meltdown.
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
@merix I completely get that. I’m really scared to start ERP and the thought of even doing certain exposures makes me want to have a panic attack. BUT i want to do it because I really want, and need to get better. I have my intake appt on Monday and I’m actually excited yet still scared
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
@merix I’ve been in ERP before and I was more reluctant. Before they told me the goal we were building up to was to eventually touch a public toilet flusher and not wash my hands after, and I was like.... UM NO. But now I’m more open becasue I REALLY want to get better. I can’t keep living this way
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
@LAHsagna Good luck! You can do it!
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
@LAHsagna How did it go?
LAHsagnaLAHsagna
- Date posted
- 4y
@merix I ended up having to reschedule it :/
merixmerix
- Date posted
- 4y
I hate all this doubt and anxiety
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