Also! In order to not freak myself out like last time I didn't hide away, I still tried to watch tv with women in it, I play my videogames with female characters and I still talked to my female friends. I'm still very uncomfortable and I feel a loss of attraction and I hope it will come back, but hopefully I can go to therapy soon and get properly diagnosed. :)

Sexual Orientation OCD

OCDeezyFosheezy

Date posted: 4y

It's important that you do go to therapy. I'm trying not to reassure you but it sounds like you're actually doing a great job with self ERP though. Keep it up until you see your therapist, hopefully soon.

lexnot

Date posted: 4y

Well, last time i had thoughts this bad i couldn't leave my house, i was basically home bound, i couldn't even sleep in my bed, i was just stuck in my living room. I barely ate or slept. It was actually traumatic and the fact that it even happened in the first place proves (at least to me) that thus is more than just questioning. My thoughts basically immobilized me. I can't go through that again.!

OCDeezyFosheezy

Date posted: 4y

I know how that feels. I was in that place for a while myself. But you don't have to leave your house to speak with someone who can help you and diagnose you among many other helpful things. I understand the extreme fear though. It definitely can be immobilizing. Keep up the effort.

lexnot

Date posted: 4y

It's hard because i'm not officially diagnosed. my brain just argues with me so badly, these thoughts haunt me from the moment i wake up till the moment i go to sleep, i get panic attacks, it brings up past memories i haven't even remembered in YEARS to use against me it feels like, i've lost my attraction to men and it's like everytime i see a female my brain goes into like this overload of pointing out every detail, i'm trying to avoid porn and, now i get these thoughts about female family members and it just grosses me out so much. These thoughts are all unwanted and i wish i could just take my brain out and set it aside for a bit. I actually make myself tired from thinking so much. This can't just be a bit of anxiety, because I have anxiety and it feels so much more different.

lexnot

Date posted: 4y

@lexnot I also had these thoughts a few years ago when i choked on a piece of food and then had these thoughts saying how if i ate i was going to die, your throat is too small, i didn't eat for days, i slept on the couch, i made my mom stay with me. She had to force me to eat and drink because i just wouldn't do it. It was horrific and to this day i get a thought that every time i eat i'm going to die, or i get a pain somewhere on my body. It's so tiring and agonizing. Mental pain hurts just as much as physical.

OCDeezyFosheezy

Date posted: 4y

I feel for you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know how much it hurts. It's crazy to think that I was once in as bad of shape as you're saying you're in, no offense. It might help you to know that I'm doing so much better than now. Therapy has been pretty damn tough but it has definitely been helping me. It just takes a lot of courage to face your fears in the beginning. You're gonna pull through this. Just keep finding every reason to motivate yourself and get real/professional help. My reason for finally seeing a therapist was the amount of pain I was causing my family with my OCD. I had to get help before I damaged my relationships beyond repair. I had to hit rock bottom. Glad I'm not there anymore though.

OCDeezyFosheezy

Date posted: 4y

*better now Sorry, I'm half awake.

lexnot

Date posted: 4y

i hope to get diagnosed

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