I feel like I need to quit my job. I am petrified of contracting AIDS. No one at my job has ever gotten any virus but we test positive samples. I follow all safety protocols and have begun more and more rituals to keep myself safe. But today I had a cold sore just starting on my forehead due to stress. I was working with one hiv positive sample and it splashed up slightly. I keep replaying it and fear it splashed far more than I remember and could have hit my forehead where I had a cold sore starting. I wiped my forehead with antiviral wipes after. I am wondering if I should get tested. I know ocd makes it worse and my coworkers say I’m fine but I feel like I need to get tested. I have already reported 2 exposure incidents that were made up in my head and got tested. I can’t separate ocd from real danger. What should I do?

Quitting your job will become avoidance behavior! But... if you need some time to get help, that's totally ok! Just keep in mind that the more you avoid, the worse the OCD will become. But focus on getting better first. If you need a break from work to get better, do it!

There is a video on this app by a Dr McGrath. It talks about going through an OCD episode. Maybe watch it now to give you some guidance?

Also, this is probably reassurance, but what's helped me deal with HIV contamination OCD is recognising that HIV really isn't as scary as we make it out to be, especially now that we have treatment for it!

Hi Sarah. I struggle with HIV-related OCD too. In fact, I was just at the vet and was helping the nurse hold my cat down and she had a needle, and then BOOM!, all my fears around HIV and pricking myself with a needle started. I've even been on PrEP as a compulsion. Awful, I know. Look, I can't reassure you because that's NOT how OCD therapy works ;) if I reassure you, I'm simply giving your OCD more power because you'll feel reassured for a minute to calm your anxiety, but the intrusive thoughts and obsessions will just keep coming back. You need to see an OCD therapist as soon as you can. And if you can't anytime soon, please try and get your hands on some books on dealing with intrusive thoughts (if you can order from Amazon for example)? Also, if you have Instagram, follow an account called obsessivelyeverafter — she offers really solid advice. But use this app and all it offers, especially the videos! My only advice to you is: don't fight the thoughts and doubts. The more you fight with them and try to check if you're okay, the worse they'll become. Try and practice mindfulness when this happens again at work. Take your mind away from the "what if" to the "what is". When you start obsessing, just think about what's around you: name 5 things you can see, touch 4 things, taste something. Use your senses to distract you from the thought. I could tell you all the things that you already know: getting HIV from a splash is extremely unlikely (in fact almost neglible). And you're following all your protocols. But these reassurances won't help you. You need to stop engaging with these thoughts, but this will take therapy, especially exposure response therapy. I hope you can find a therapist soon. But for now, access as many resources as you can about dealing with intrusive thoughts and ERP therapy. I'm reading a book called Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally Winston and Martin Seif. But after my visit to the vet and fear of a needle prick, I've chosen not to engage with the thought and I'm feeling better about it. But I know this is easier said than done. It takes therapy and practice! I know that you will have urges to compulsively test yourself, but try and fight this, because this is only making the OCD stronger! My good friend is a doctor and works with HIV-positive children every day. She's had a few needle stick injuries in her time. She initially took ARVs but didn't do so recently because the risk of her getting HIV is soooooooo low. And she is totally fine! I wish you all the best. Get into therapy. Use the resources on this app. And remember: if you fight the thoughts, they'll fight you back! You know you're being safe and follow protocol!

I know the risk is low but I feel like I need to talk to my doctor to figure out how low. I know a splash to the eye is a very low risk but have no idea what the risk would be with plasma possibly splashing a cold sore. I dont think any of the sample did splash it bc I wasn’t that close and the sample was also diluted but I feel like I should assume it did because I can’t risk believing it didn’t. I am also breastfeeding and could never risk my child contracting AIDS even if the risk is negligible. I know I’m probably reinforcing ocd. I just can’t risk my child contracting a terrible illness.