Just wanted to share my story for others to know that they’re not alone and I just need some support right now. I’ve struggled with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder since high school. I was also diagnosed with CPTSD and OCD this year. So it all started back in June of this year. I remember having a severe panic attack because I was hanging out with a new guy for the first time in a while(I have a really bad past with guys). But the next day, I was feeling a little off from it so I was just laying in my bed. Then all these racing thoughts started coming(this was before I knew what intrusive thoughts were so it really freaked me out) “I could kill myself right now”, “I could hurt someone right now if I wanted to” “wait why would I wanna do that, do I want to do that” “I could jump out of this window right now” “do I need to do this?” I called my mom and couldn’t stop crying. Unfortunately she lived 12 hours away from me at the time so she stayed on the phone with me until I calmed down. As the days went on, I was feeling so out of it. Like nothing was real. I started getting disturbing images in my head in my head of hurting my loved ones. These thoughts were so distressing and made me not want to leave my room let alone the house. Not only was I dealing with these intrusive thoughts, I became very depressed, paranoid and was going through derealization and I didn’t care if I lived or died. I ended up admitting myself into the psych ward for a few days. My mom came up after my stay to watch after me and I took her up on her offer to stay with her temporarily until I was mentally better. After therapy and medication, I got so much better. But I’m still dealing with many forms of OCD such as existential, harm, TOCD, sexuality OCD, and POCD. I’m going through hell right now with false memory OCD. My parents have always been so good to me throughout my life and they’ve been my rock through all of this. But recently I came across this thought “what if something traumatic happened to me when I was younger and I just don’t remember” then I started getting these thoughts with my friends and family. I started locking my door at night bc I had this fear someone will do something to me in my sleep and I won’t know because I’m unconscious. And I always keep my drinks and food right beside me because I’m afraid someone will drug me. I’m always questioning whether I did something to someone or someone did something to me. I’m fearful I’m gonna start believing these thoughts are memories and start accusing people of stuff that’s never even happened. I also have this fear that I’m going to become a paranoid schizophrenic and lose all touch with reality. It’s like my mind is trying to turn me against my support system. It’s like do I have to cut people off now because I’m having these thoughts? With OCD, it makes me constantly wonder what I want/ don’t want out of life. Then when I think I figured it out I’m like “how do you know you want that”. It’s impossible to relax anymore. And I’m afraid I won’t make it if I start to become delusional with believing these thoughts and cutting everyone off. My therapist has been giving me good tips on how to deal with this but I wanted another person’s opinion that struggles with OCD.