even when i’m not actively obsessing, I do things so that people don’t think i’m gay. THAT IS DENIAL. THAT IS SOMETHING ONLY A GAY PERSON IN DENIAL WOULD DO. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP.

even if i’m n it actively in the grips of the obsession??

are you there?

@missbluesky I’m not sure what you mean by active obsession. You have an obsession with your sexual orientation. That’s true whether you’re thinking about it in this current moment or not. It will probably come up in a few moments again. If you mean that you do this when you’re not anxious or triggered, that’s because avoidance is often a preventative compulsion. We avoid things to avoid anxiety and triggers altogether, rather than as a response to being triggered.

@pureolife i mean for example, I have had this obsession on and off for seven years. when it was in the “off” parts, I was still doing things to make sure it didn’t seem like i was gay to other people. that doesn’t seem like ocd does it?

@missbluesky Well why were you doing it?

@pureolife because i didn’t want to seem gay

@pureolife oh my god that’s internalized homophobia isn’t it!???!

@pureolife are you there? i’m so sorry I just want some answers i’m so scared

@pureolife i would rather you be honest with me and just tell me if you think i could be in denial from what i have told you

@pureolife are you not answering because you think i’m in denial?

@pureolife hello?

@missbluesky Why didn’t you want to seem gay?

@pureolife i’m not really sure what you’re implying

@pureolife because i’m not? because i didn’t want to be perceived as being gay

@pureolife i think it was a compulsion

@missbluesky I’m not implying anything. I’m asking. You said “because you’re not.” And noted it as a compulsion. So it sounds like you’ve come back around to believing this is ocd and not denial/internalized homophobia on your own.

@pureolife i think it was a compulsion but what if it’s not? I’m so scared. i’m so, so afraid.

@missbluesky You can’t really prove it one way or another. This mentally reviewing compulsion you’re doing now won’t get you answers. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it has another very reasonable explanation that has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Accept that you can’t know.

yeah, but is yours on and off??

@missbluesky like i understand doing it if you’re always freaking out about this but doing it when you’re not actively freaking out seems like denial???

@missbluesky Even since my HOCD started this has been a constant thing for me because I don’t want anyone to think I’m gay - so I really hope you aren’t implying this is denial :(

@cc97 no, not at al. i’m so sorry. for me, this started when I was 12 and has been off and on for seven years. I’m worried that IM in denial because I still do stuff like that when I’m not actively obsessing.

@missbluesky So do I. Even if I’m having a good day I won’t wear certain things or stand certain ways if it makes me look gay or bisexual - because I’m so scared someone will think I am or that it will prove that I’m in denial

@cc97 i get it. i mean i can go like months though, and i still do it.

@cc97 i mean i’ve been posting on this app probably once every 15-30 days (with the excepting of one 60 day stretch) for the last year, which seems like not OCD and more denial.

@missbluesky like i get anxious around gay people because i get worried they can “tell” i’m gay

@cc97 are you there?

@missbluesky I also get like this too

@cc97 what do you think about the sporadic nature of my posts? do you think that’s denial and not OCD?

@missbluesky Seems like a compulsion to me (which is ocd) - but I’m not an expert!

@cc97 i would really rather you just tell me if you think theres a chance i could be in denial

@cc97 like the fact that i posted every 15 to 30 days???? now that i’m having an episode, i post like 20 times a day

@missbluesky Again it seems like a compulsion but I can’t tell you for sure because 1. I’m not an expert and 2. I don’t know you!

@cc97 you think it’s denial. you pretty much just proved that

@cc97 The key to getting better is dealing with the uncertainty (I know how difficult that can be) but you have to try

@missbluesky No I simply am not reassuring you as that will only make u feel worse in the long run!