Not sure if relationship issue or rocd. I love my girlfriend. She’s really bad about pushing my limits and has lied to me in the past while pushing my limits about when she is coming home (she was doing drugs at one point) and always pushing the time. Now she’s still doing this frequently but while she’s visiting her sister and sometimes it even leads to her staying the night at her sisters if she drank too much to drive home. I’ve made her Uber before because i won’t take excuses. But we’re tight on money right now. She knows what this does to me anxiety wise and she still chose to drink irresponsibly and enter a time warp when she is at her sisters. Every time she does this I feel like I want to break up with her. Every time we make up I feel in love. But she did it again tonight and is staying the night and I told her this time is her last time doing this to me. That i need and deserve someone who can keep their word. That if she does it one more time we’re breaking up. I asked her if she understood that it would mean we would break up if it happened one more time any point in the future. She said she doesn’t want that but yes. I feel like I have set a boundary that I know is going to break and this is doomed. I don’t know what else to do or what but I know this community is full of support. So that’s what I’m hoping for ???

i have always been a pretty doubtful and overthinking person all my life, but i have never had bad ocd until something happened in my current relationship i met my boyfriend senior year of highschool, we started off as friends first but then would text all night and found out we have a lot in common, he still lived at his parents house at the time, i'd go over to his or he'd come over to mine sometimes, your typical teen romance story, my rocd didn't start acting up till we started getting serious fast forward to when i started working at my old job and met this guy who pretty much love bombed me, i didn't know it at the time, and so i lost myself during that time trying to balance everyone's feelings, i ended up hurting my current boyfriend really badly and ever since ive had raging rocd, every second of every day i cut this guy off and me and my boyfriend are still together, working it out, and then two christmases ago he gets kicked out of his house, and starts living with me and my family, a huge change i wasn't ready for but it happened my family loves my boyfriend, everyone i've ever introduced him to also does, he truly is an angel, he's so sweet and good to me, i've met all his friends and he's met mine, i could picture a life with him, but currently my rocd is too much to bear, id be better alone but im so deep in this now it's crippling, i can't hangout with my friends without rocd, cant wake up without rocd, cant think of anything without rocd, i cant eat or sleep, life feels like it's no longer real, the relief of breaking up with my boyfriend would free me, but i cant bring myself to, ive tried multiple times, i might just be a coward because i dont want to hurt him again, i dont want to lose him, but ive lost myself, this rocd is driving me insane lets say I break up with my boyfriend, he already got kicked out of his old house and I do not want him to have to feel like he's got to be kicked out again, this is his home now and I just couldn't do that to him, my family would lose someone they see as a son, and I would have to watch him move his stuff which would make me so sad because I care so much for him, I would even move out just so he doesn't have to the thing is I really can't put myself through this anymore, I have to put myself first or this will kill me, idk what to do maybe i could talk to him about how bad my ocd is, tell him that i really have tried to push through but i need a break, maybe we could be friends and work it out? i hope so

I’ve been dealing with rocd for about 9 months now. Off and on I’ve been able to manage it. When it first presented in the beginning my boyfriend and I had just celebrated our one year anniversary and about a month later I started getting random thoughts questioning if I really love him or things telling me I’m incapable of love and then my brain trying to get me to break up with him. I started therapy a little after and she explained rocd to me. Fast forward to now I had been doing decently but we’ve been under a lot of stress lately. He has three kids from his previous marriage who started staying with us full time Monday through Thursday. He lost his job so now we both work for mine doing grocery deliveries. But the day before last I was feeling really anxious and it feels like any anxiety opens the door for intrusive thoughts. So I decided to put a post on a different ocd community forum. And a lot of the times one of my thoughts is what if you don’t really have rocd and you actually want to break up with him. In a persons response to that post they basically said what if you don’t have it and you really do want to break up but what if you do have it and you don’t want to break up. I wasn’t prepared for the first part of that sentence and I went into a full blown panic attack after reading that and my boyfriend had to help bring me out of it. We talked and I messaged my therapist after but haven’t gotten a response. And for the rest of the day I felt drained and like the anxiety was still there and the thoughts were still running around my head. And last night he had fallen asleep and I felt like crying and I came into our bathroom and I looked at myself in the mirror as I was and the thought that came up was look at you crying here this is your sign that you need to break up with him. But then I challenge my mind and ask why why do I need to do that and I can’t think of a single valid reason to break up with him. I love him I do. When I’m not spiraling we do so well and have amazing communication and he cares for me so much. But now I woke up this morning still really anxious and fighting my thoughts. Another thing too is that we have about a 9 year age gap and that had never ever been an issue in my mind. I love that he’s older than I am. Any guy my age was never something I looked for or wanted. Yesterday during the drained and still attacking thoughts I saw this younger guy at the store and then my mind immediately was like well this would be better for you he’s older and that’s why you should break up. I really really hate this and don’t want to feel like this anymore but I don’t want to leave him. He’s the person I see when I look into the future as my husband. But that’s also another thing I struggle with time and that creates more of an anxiety it’s like can I really do this for 20-30 years. But that’s not even just with my relationship I do that with anything that is long term and then I hyper focus on the time duration of everything and thinking I can’t do something for that long.

Im having issues with seeing my girlfriend as a good person, good girlfriend to me, idk. To be fair I do love her, but it feels like she's just so irresponsible. Which is ironic because she's older than me (1 year). She's just such a slob. I feel terrible for saying that but she's been so depressed and all and is ALWAYS finding a way to procrastinate cleaning her room, there are bugs and food and clothes everywhere it's an absolute mess and I pretend not to care but it grosses me the fuck out. It's been worse lately because she was given too much estrogen (she's transgender) and it can cause relapses in depression if the dose is too high, which is was the past month but she's tapering off now. I know I'm only 17 but I think about what it'd be like to date other women post college as an adult, cisgender women, black and brown women, non autistic women and more femme women. Women who got their shit together if that makes sense. I feel awful for saying all of thay because I still love her. I want to go to university, mostly online to finish my ITP and get my asl interpreting license (woohoo!) But she's doesn't even try in school. She's ALWAYS. Been like that. She wants to go to community College for business and marketing but refuses to get her shit together. I've talked about this dozens, hundreds of times this summer because she's a senior now. It's not just depression anymore I feel like. All she does is talk about weed, watch South park, and watch porn. Listen, nobody's perfect, but I never knew she would turn into this. I don't want to break up with her because I have genuine hope she can change or mature as she tapers off estrogen, but I'm still not sure. I love her, I want her to grow into the beautiful, amazing young woman she's destined to be, but if she's not even gonna try then it's useless to hope. I don't know. I'm so confused. Someone please give advice- we've dated for almost 2 years now with minimal problems, I feel so guilty for even thinking about this