- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
if this is causing you emotional pain and pushing your ocd/anxiety further, maybe it’s time to put yourself first. although you probably love her it might not be the best choice for your mental state. i hope this will work out for you but if it doesn’t then you will find someone lovely who doesn’t test your limits and makes you feel safe. i hope and pray you find help in everything you’re looking for. xoxo
- Date posted
- 6y
That's a hard situation to be in, but I think you did the right thing in setting boundaries, especially when it comes to drugs and / or alcohol. You put your foot down and told her what you expect out of a relationship, and if she can't respect that it's not fair to you!
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm sorry about that. It sounds stressful. But it sins like it used to happen more, and now not as much, so that is good. I understand more now, that you aren't trying to control her, just stressed out and wanting to feel more important to her. ?❤ I don't know what she's going through, or her side, but it sounds like you care a lot about her! I hope things continue to get better.
- Date posted
- 6y
She’s not doing drugs anymore*^
- Date posted
- 6y
Or so I choose to believe
- Date posted
- 6y
Dating someone with alcohol or drug problems is really difficult. AlAnon helped me make some space for myself and realize I was trying to control something I couldn't control. Trying to control another person will give you anxiety!! Period. Set boundaries for yourself, what is healthy for you. Trying to change your girlfriend and make her feel wrong all the time is going to continue to make you and her miserable. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Accept her as she is and offer what support you are willing and able to give. I really don't know enough about the OCD side to comment about that. But I really get the sense you need to stop trying to control her behavior and focus instead on your own well being. One option could be lifting the limits on when she has to come home. Then no more lies or broken promises. Let her be free. If that doesn't work with your lifestyle, another option could be living separately but still dating. Maybe you two can find something that works for both of you and also creates a happy relationship. Creating more space in a relationship can feel threatening and scary because change might mean things are ending? Or? What? The fear of the unknown is definitely a hindrance to change, though. I recently realized I need to sleep in a separate room than my partner, as it was creating more stress than the benefits it provided. We still can visit each other and sleep over in each other's rooms sometimes, but knowing I have my own space has helped my psyche immensely, and really decreased the amount of stress in our relationship, as we had some incompatibilities with our needs in the evenings. I have in the past, been in a situation of trying to control a boyfriend who was doing drugs and lying. It was so stressful. I was crying all the time, scared to the point of terror, angry to the point of rage, and felt like I was going crazy, because he would flip from completely normal, to lying to my face with a needle in his hand. I didn't get the support I needed and tried to figure out everything on my own. Looking back, I definitely wish I had talked to more people about it, including his family and friends who cared about him, and my own personal help or therapy. I ended up moving out very quickly and taking years to recover from the trauma, and still get triggered in current relationship, because of that time period. I'm glad you are reaching out. I'm no expert, so take what you want from what I say, and dismiss the rest. What I truly wish for you is peaceful, joyful life and relationships. Lots and lots of support, and whatever learning and growth that nurtures you.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you all. The thing is, she’s not currently working and I’m currently supporting us. I come home at 5. She’s gone all day at her sisters when this happens but it hurts when she doesn’t make an effort to see me before bed or have dinner together. This has happened 5 or 6 times in the last 6 months. Before that it was 3-4 times a week. I don’t believe she’s using drugs anymore but I’d like to see her make better choices and have more respect for me and my time. I don’t feel like this is controlling behavior from my end. I feel like it’s a matter of what I deserve. I believe if I were a priority to her she would show that by sticking to her word. “I tell her just let me know when you’re coming home” and she texts me the estimate. Then as it gets closer “well I’m going to stay for dinner now” then after a while “sorry I played a game of pool” and then later “ok I may have had too much to drink i don’t think I can drive home sorry please don’t be mad” And I’m not mad that she chose to not drive drunk- I’m happy about that. I’m just mad that she couldn’t stick to what she told me. Plans changing is really hard on my ocd. Even harder when it’s someone i love who knows that. And harder than that when they don’t seem to want to spend the same time with me when I’ve been so accommodating.
- Date posted
- 6y
Idk if my beliefs are unrealistic so it’s hard to know what to do
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh and yesterday night was important to me because I had a doctors appt that was stressful with x rays and I told her all I want to do is come home and have a wine with you after. Which never happened.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Does Rocd make it nearly impossible to forgive your partner for anything. Whether it is big or small? My situation is so gray area where there’s something my bf did that I feel like I’m not okay with but he did this when we were first dating (not bf and gf yet). I ruminate all day about it bc I don’t want to lose him and see a future with him and I know he loves me so purely. But I also feel like I’m going against my morals here bc I do feel betrayed by what he did. I try to forgive him by diminishing my feelings and telling myself “he never did anything physical with a girl or went out with another girl while we were together” but still feel so hurt that he even messaged another girl while us dating. He’s given me an explanation and has proved how much I can trust him so I’m just completely stuck on whether I should forgive something I know I would’ve never done to him or leave him even though the only thing he’s done wrong was before us becoming official. I’ve broken up with him countless times over this situation bc I feel like I “can’t live with it” but then immediately when we break up I want him back and I kind of understand his explanation and reasoning. I don’t know what is ocd and what is my real intuition anymore. I genuinely think it’s both. Are any of you guys in the same boat?
- Date posted
- 17w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
- Date posted
- 12w
me and my girlfriend since we started dating we be only had one problem, and that is my fear of everything of losing her of her cheating, and it’s all caused by OCD. my texts are massive and i get worried i know i love her and she makes me calm i know i love her. we had a conversation yesterday and basically she said that she feels suffocated with my texts and my fears. she went on trip were she doesn’t have her phone. and yesterday i spent the entire day crying about her. my head is filled with intrusive thoughts. and last night i got so stressed that it seemed like the love went away or i couldn’t remember the love, but it’s impossible because i was crying about her yesterday. this struggle my relationship is having is making me so stressed. pls give me advice
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