Not sure if relationship issue or rocd. I love my girlfriend. She’s really bad about pushing my limits and has lied to me in the past while pushing my limits about when she is coming home (she was doing drugs at one point) and always pushing the time. Now she’s still doing this frequently but while she’s visiting her sister and sometimes it even leads to her staying the night at her sisters if she drank too much to drive home. I’ve made her Uber before because i won’t take excuses. But we’re tight on money right now. She knows what this does to me anxiety wise and she still chose to drink irresponsibly and enter a time warp when she is at her sisters. Every time she does this I feel like I want to break up with her. Every time we make up I feel in love. But she did it again tonight and is staying the night and I told her this time is her last time doing this to me. That i need and deserve someone who can keep their word. That if she does it one more time we’re breaking up. I asked her if she understood that it would mean we would break up if it happened one more time any point in the future. She said she doesn’t want that but yes. I feel like I have set a boundary that I know is going to break and this is doomed. I don’t know what else to do or what but I know this community is full of support. So that’s what I’m hoping for ???

I should start by saying I have never been diagnosed with OCD or any mental disorder, but I’ve been researching ROCD per my girlfriend’s suggestion on and off for 6+ months now, and all of the symptoms and descriptions have hit home for me. However, I worry that I’m using ROCD as an excuse for continuously convincing myself she’s enough for me. The core of my fears is finding others attractive, and more attractive, than her — when I see a cute girl, or someone with features I naturally desire, my ruminations/episodes begin. After that it doesn’t take long to lead to doubting the validity of the entire relationship, and whether I even love her at all or want to be with her. It doesn’t help that we go to a university, so I’m inevitably surrounded by attractive people constantly. My main fear is that I’m settling for her appearance, even though I’m attracted to her and, truth is, I think she is hotter than me. And I feel like I tell myself that the only thing wrong with her is her appearance, because she is everything I want otherwise (personality, compatibility), but she’s just not my physical type. Every time that these fears and doubts build up from rumination, we talk about it. The end factor is that it almost always ends up being a result of intrusive thoughts. In fact, the last time we talked about this (about two weeks ago), we had makeup sex and I had an intrusive thought of a particular girl that’s in one of my classes. I did everything I could to purge this thought so I could enjoy the moment, and eventually it subsided — but I found myself “checking” by opening my eyes and staring at her throughout for reassurance that it’s her I want. I then told her about it right afterwards because of the massive guilt I felt, and she was a bit less understanding (rightfully..). We’re now at a breaking point, where she loves me and I’m pretty sure I love her, but I’m still having these doubts and I don’t know what to do to deal with them. I am convincing myself that they are significant and important because of their consistency now that it has been 8 months of us dating. I have told her I need time to think about this and figure out what I want, and I know this is destroying her, so I need to decide to break up or not now, because I can’t stand knowing she’s going through this. At what point am I just fighting this “gut feeling” because I know I’m settling, or is it just ROCD lying to me because she is so important to me?

I’ve never tried posting in this community or any online community for that matter, but my girlfriend of 8 years just told me she wanted to take a weeklong break 3 days ago. I know a week isn’t long and I believe everyone deserves space when they need it, I’ve been trying to give it to her. We’ve still ended up texting everyday (I made a rule with myself that I’d only text her if she texted me, so that the space is there if she wants it). These obviously aren’t our normal texts, the coldness and having to pretend this isn’t my other-half of 8 years is killing me. I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD, but I’m almost positive I have rocd reocd. Ive been the type to make up problems in my head and obsess over them until I have to share my thoughts with her, this usually upsets her and we have a fight. She’s amazing, and I’d do anything for her, but shes not the reassuring type when I’m panicking about our relationship (not that that’s her responsibility). I have this awful feeling that when we talk about it after this week, she’s going to ask to just be friends. For some reason I just can’t do this, I can’t keep conversing this way with the woman Ive planned my life away with, I can’t keep living in this hell. I know that my delusions will get better once we move in together as they completely go away when we stay together, but I can’t help but feel that she’ll doubt this and want to break up anyway. As dramatic as I feel saying this, these last few days have been torture on my heart and mind. I can’t eat, and when I do I throw up and dry heave, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 3 days. My whole day is filled with random panic attacks and an inability to remain present and focused for more than 5 minutes. The panic attacks get much worse at night, not allowing me to sleep, and I just keep fearing the worst and obsessing over what I’m going to say or do to show her I’m serious about making this work. I’ve contacted two counselors and am meeting with one tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to do right now. I really appreciate anyone who read all this I just needed to put it somewhere.

It’s been around a week and a half since i’ve started having doubts about my relationship with my girlfriend. They subside at times when I’m not ruminating but then they come back and it’s all i think about. I’m not sure if coming on here to read other peoples feelings about their partner is reassurance seeking but when i do, it makes me feel somewhat better. The thoughts I have about my girlfriend put this negative feelings in my body that I hate. I’m questioning my attraction towards her, im questioning my love for her. Last night we talked about how she feels very disconnected from me and that we used to be so intimate together and have a strong desire for each other. I agree that that’s what it was like and that was also in the more beginning stages of our relationship. I too have missed our times when we were very intimate and passionate. But lately I’ve just had no sexual desire. Last night she also said she feels like one day, im going to have a talk with her about how I want to be just friends and that sent an intrusive thought in my head that maybe I do want to be just friends. I can’t imagine not having her in my life, I know that if I let my intrusive thoughts break our relationship, it will be my biggest regret. She’s very perfect for me, she’s funny, she’s serious, she’s mature, shes so intelligent, she’s beautiful in every way and we’ve both changed each other for the better. She’s everything I wanted in a partner. We get along so well and have so many things in common but now my brain is telling me i’m losing feelings for her and out of nowhere too. I quit vaping after being addicted to it for 4 years and that’s when i started having anxiety and doubts about my feelings. part of my intrusive thoughts tell me I was only ever excited to come home to her because she had the vape and i know that’s not true but I can’t help to wonder if it is. I love her dearly, but every morning I wake up holding her with this anxiety in my head telling me I don’t love her, I’m not attracted to her, I can’t be with her, i’m only with her because of how close we are and because she won’t have a place to stay if we breakup. But i know deep down, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and she’s the most important thing in my life. My anxiety is attacking her solely because of how much I care for her and value her. I see people saying if you know breaking up will hurt them, that’s how you know you love them still but wouldn’t everyone feel bad breaking up with someone they promised everything to? I genuinely cannot imagine living my life without her, even though we’re only 19. I feel like she is my person forever, i choose her always and want nothing but the best for her. I know she just wants to love me and for me to love her but my intrusive thoughts get in the way of things she wants. I guess i’m asking how should I replenish our connection, have more intimacy, and best these intrusive thoughts?