Not sure if relationship issue or rocd. I love my girlfriend. She’s really bad about pushing my limits and has lied to me in the past while pushing my limits about when she is coming home (she was doing drugs at one point) and always pushing the time. Now she’s still doing this frequently but while she’s visiting her sister and sometimes it even leads to her staying the night at her sisters if she drank too much to drive home. I’ve made her Uber before because i won’t take excuses. But we’re tight on money right now. She knows what this does to me anxiety wise and she still chose to drink irresponsibly and enter a time warp when she is at her sisters. Every time she does this I feel like I want to break up with her. Every time we make up I feel in love. But she did it again tonight and is staying the night and I told her this time is her last time doing this to me. That i need and deserve someone who can keep their word. That if she does it one more time we’re breaking up. I asked her if she understood that it would mean we would break up if it happened one more time any point in the future. She said she doesn’t want that but yes. I feel like I have set a boundary that I know is going to break and this is doomed. I don’t know what else to do or what but I know this community is full of support. So that’s what I’m hoping for ???

if this is causing you emotional pain and pushing your ocd/anxiety further, maybe it’s time to put yourself first. although you probably love her it might not be the best choice for your mental state. i hope this will work out for you but if it doesn’t then you will find someone lovely who doesn’t test your limits and makes you feel safe. i hope and pray you find help in everything you’re looking for. xoxo

That's a hard situation to be in, but I think you did the right thing in setting boundaries, especially when it comes to drugs and / or alcohol. You put your foot down and told her what you expect out of a relationship, and if she can't respect that it's not fair to you!

I'm sorry about that. It sounds stressful. But it sins like it used to happen more, and now not as much, so that is good. I understand more now, that you aren't trying to control her, just stressed out and wanting to feel more important to her. ?❤ I don't know what she's going through, or her side, but it sounds like you care a lot about her! I hope things continue to get better.

She’s not doing drugs anymore*^

Or so I choose to believe

Dating someone with alcohol or drug problems is really difficult. AlAnon helped me make some space for myself and realize I was trying to control something I couldn't control. Trying to control another person will give you anxiety!! Period. Set boundaries for yourself, what is healthy for you. Trying to change your girlfriend and make her feel wrong all the time is going to continue to make you and her miserable. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Accept her as she is and offer what support you are willing and able to give. I really don't know enough about the OCD side to comment about that. But I really get the sense you need to stop trying to control her behavior and focus instead on your own well being. One option could be lifting the limits on when she has to come home. Then no more lies or broken promises. Let her be free. If that doesn't work with your lifestyle, another option could be living separately but still dating. Maybe you two can find something that works for both of you and also creates a happy relationship. Creating more space in a relationship can feel threatening and scary because change might mean things are ending? Or? What? The fear of the unknown is definitely a hindrance to change, though. I recently realized I need to sleep in a separate room than my partner, as it was creating more stress than the benefits it provided. We still can visit each other and sleep over in each other's rooms sometimes, but knowing I have my own space has helped my psyche immensely, and really decreased the amount of stress in our relationship, as we had some incompatibilities with our needs in the evenings. I have in the past, been in a situation of trying to control a boyfriend who was doing drugs and lying. It was so stressful. I was crying all the time, scared to the point of terror, angry to the point of rage, and felt like I was going crazy, because he would flip from completely normal, to lying to my face with a needle in his hand. I didn't get the support I needed and tried to figure out everything on my own. Looking back, I definitely wish I had talked to more people about it, including his family and friends who cared about him, and my own personal help or therapy. I ended up moving out very quickly and taking years to recover from the trauma, and still get triggered in current relationship, because of that time period. I'm glad you are reaching out. I'm no expert, so take what you want from what I say, and dismiss the rest. What I truly wish for you is peaceful, joyful life and relationships. Lots and lots of support, and whatever learning and growth that nurtures you.

Thank you all. The thing is, she’s not currently working and I’m currently supporting us. I come home at 5. She’s gone all day at her sisters when this happens but it hurts when she doesn’t make an effort to see me before bed or have dinner together. This has happened 5 or 6 times in the last 6 months. Before that it was 3-4 times a week. I don’t believe she’s using drugs anymore but I’d like to see her make better choices and have more respect for me and my time. I don’t feel like this is controlling behavior from my end. I feel like it’s a matter of what I deserve. I believe if I were a priority to her she would show that by sticking to her word. “I tell her just let me know when you’re coming home” and she texts me the estimate. Then as it gets closer “well I’m going to stay for dinner now” then after a while “sorry I played a game of pool” and then later “ok I may have had too much to drink i don’t think I can drive home sorry please don’t be mad” And I’m not mad that she chose to not drive drunk- I’m happy about that. I’m just mad that she couldn’t stick to what she told me. Plans changing is really hard on my ocd. Even harder when it’s someone i love who knows that. And harder than that when they don’t seem to want to spend the same time with me when I’ve been so accommodating.

Idk if my beliefs are unrealistic so it’s hard to know what to do

Oh and yesterday night was important to me because I had a doctors appt that was stressful with x rays and I told her all I want to do is come home and have a wine with you after. Which never happened.