I can NEVER fucking shop. I always think I’m going to get the wrong thing. So I keep looking for the BEST OPTION because that way I get my money’s worth. I feel like I have such bad luck that even if I get the best quality, that should last for years, it will only last for 6 months. So I keep checking the reviews and keep looking for better products. Sometimes things stay in my cart for fucking months. Friend also noted that I’ve mentioned buy a thing years ago, but I never got it cause my OCD said it was right or good enough. Urghhhh. I just want to buy a fucking weighted blanket without obsessing about which brand is best or right!!! CAUSE THERE IS NO RIGHT!

It started when I became an adult, and started receiving my mental health diagnosis. I hyper fixated on each and every action I did and how it could be related to my diagnosis’s. It then lead to fixation to my physical health — making appointments and seeing every specialist I can to rule out every possibility. I currently have been suffering with obstructive sleep. I woke up the past few days with severe pain from the lack of sleep whilst believing I was oversleeping. Luckily my fit watch tracks my sleep cycle and it turns out I am not receiving any sleep. I had an extreme panic attack — bursting into tears on the phone with my mom wondering what this case might be. She told me it could be sleep apnea and that a simple sleep study could figure this out. However, knowing my family history I made appointments to every specialist I can to make sure it is nothing serious. The unknown of health can be scary to me. Watching my mother suffer with her physical health chronically since I was a child lead me to be very conscious and aware of how my body is functioning. This morning was one of the worst moments of physical pain. I should just take one step at a time with the sleep doctor instead of taking measures to see every specialist that could pertain with this issue. However, that is very hard to me. I don’t want to ever wake up in the pain I was this morning. Does anyone else suffer with health-related OCD? And if so, how do you find a sense of ease during moments like I expressed?

So this is not a very major thing at all, but it's something that came up yesterday and I couldn't sleep because of it. I'm a big fan of this video game, it's called Xenoblade Chronicles X. Well, after 10 years, it's finally getting a re-release on modern platforms. It's super exciting. From the clips I've seen, it seems to be a very faithful remaster that improves upon the imperfections of the original. However, what my brain is stressed about is that they sort of changed the user interface/font style of the game in order to make it more legible and less crowded. They also revamped some of the character models too. Not a bad thing at all, but I was such a big fan of the old user interface that all the new changes are stressing me out. It's making me want to purchase old hardware just so I can replay the original instead of the re release So all day I've been looking at side-by-side comparisons and getting disappointed by the new one. Which sucks because there is objectively nothing wrong with it! All of my dreams last night were about the game and I wasn't able to get proper sleep. So is this perfectionism OCD or is this an aftereffect of my other subtypes or am I just being extra nitpicky?

So I’m so bored lately I have everything I want and could ask for but I’m a dopamine junkie so I jump from item to item and I’m still bored and I have “toys “ stay with me I’ll explain … so I have actual toys like dolls and stuffed animals because I still enjoy younger things at times … yep I’m still an adult … but that being said I won’t “play “ or interact with younger toys because I feel it’s not age appropriate and I want to fit in with society’s norms … that being said I have a Xbox s I have a Nintendo switch … a legion go hand held system … a portable dvd player and I’m sure other things I can’t remember… no I don’t act like a spoiled brat and want or need for everything and I’m very grateful…. But that being said out of all the things I have nothing really keeps my attention I just impulse buy them… I obsess about buying them for months I buy them and use them for a little bit and get bored …… then I feel ungrateful for not using an expensive item or gift.:. Go back and use that item and then the cycle repeats … I just can’t find anything that truly keeps me entertained and engaged … and keeps me wanting to fool with it every day or interact with it …. I want to find something that gives me a sense of accomplishment and excitement… and game systems and whatever else just don’t do that for me … like I said I promise I’m not a spoiled adult /brat ❤️