An Update (it does get better) : About a 140 days ago, I checked myself into a psych unit and a hospital around my house. I had been on NOCD for a bit of time, and my previous posts showed my spiral into a deep and dark depression stemming from my OCD theme. I didn’t feel like I was myself. I was engaging in risky behaviors (specifically surrounding the medication I was on), and suicidal thoughts I hadn’t had since the age of 13 returned. It had been days since I bathed or had taken care of myself. I started gaining food aversions because of my intrusive thoughts, and I was afraid to sleep alone. I can say that those 5 days in the unit completely changed me for the better. I got the medical help I needed and I got the psych treatment I deserved. I had a therapist before going to the unit, but having a psychologist who can come up with a complete treatment strategy was what was needed. I could eat again, sleep alone again, and remember who I was before OCD took its control. After the unit, I continued therapy with my current therapist. She isn’t an OCD specialist but she does her research and is completely understanding to OCD and wants to work with me to increase her knowledge is treating OCD patients (wonderful lady and one of my truest rocks). I also confided in my mom and she has been the person holding my hand throughout this whole thing. I’m currently on medication, though I am looking at other medical options. Some things I am looking at are dTMS, therapeutic ketamine, and therapeutic psilocybin. I know those things sound scary, but the research behind them is insanely promising. CBT has also been a great source for me. I’m still working up the nerve to do ERP because my OCD theme scares the hell out of me and I’m afraid ERP will be deeply triggering (however don’t let this disuade you from ERP is works!) This post isn’t made to talk about how good a psych unit can be. It was meant to show that even when OCD drags you to your lowest and most difficult point in life, it can get better. Don’t give up on yourself. Find someone you trust who won’t judge you whether it be a parent, friend, therapist, etc. Talk to them and explain the grief that comes with OCD. Having people to talk to is godly. Explore medications and therapies, but also know that standard SSRI’s and CBT aren’t your only options (I’m not trying to push alternative methods by all means, but consider looking into the new studies for new options especially if you feel like you’re treatment resist to standard methods). And lastly, you deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel loved and accepted. You deserve to feel like who you were before this bully in your head decided to take over. Yes you’re currently still “you” but there will be a day where you have a moment of peace from OCD. I wish you all the best.