my intrusive thoughts aren’t like fully formed phrases or a voice saying “you’re in denial” it’s more just like a persistent feeling that i am. i’m worried because everyone else’s are like a voice or full sentences or words

Me too. It's started at 14 for me. I just turned 21.

@thebeginning really???? has it been on and off for you??

@thebeginning and are you a girl?

@missbluesky Yeah I'm a girl. And in a way yes it has been on and off. Once the doubt started, it never left me, but life was so busy I was able to no over think when I got triggered by something. I did, what I now know is a compulsion, and moved on.

@thebeginning ME! i get so worried that it started so young. i was 12.

@missbluesky Oh wow! How old are you now if you're comfortable answering? That must've been so scary and confusing. My heart aches when I meet pre-teens and people in their early teens with hocd. I know how scary and confusing it is ): Especially since ocd isn't that talked about.

@thebeginning i’m 19. thank you for your kindness. i’m just so worried because it started so young that it’s not really hocd and i’ve just been using it as a way to deny my sexuality

@missbluesky Yeah I’ve felt that way too and sometimes still do. Especially since I found out about ocd during quarantine and after I stated to accept that this was probably ocd, it tried to hang on for dear life and tried to trap me like that, too.

@thebeginning see, i found out about hocd probably 2 weeks in so i’m worried i convinced myself i had it instead of just accepting my sexuality

@thebeginning do you think 12 is too young for it to really be hocd?

@missbluesky Oh yeah I still don't fully believe I have ocd either but I've spoken to people and I relate to some things so there's no way I don't have it even if I feel like my anxiety isn't so bad.

@missbluesky I really shouldn't answer that, but I feel bad not doing so. But I've read comments of people who developed it at 8 or 12 years old as well. I've met a few that developed it at 13 and surprisingly a lot who developed at 14. There's a group chat for people who struggle with Hocd on instagram if you have an account. Just message Hocdawareness and she'll add you

@thebeginning thank you so much. i just feel like 12 is so young, and it’s the statistically the age most people realize they’re gay. did yours start with just a random thought?

@missbluesky The first time yes and no? For the relapse definitely. At 14 it started because I was scrolling through tumblr. I think I was about to follow someone and my brain went: “Hey, have you noticed that people who have characters/ people of the same sex are often bi/gay" which made me freak out because Elsa from frozen was my profile picture and that brought the "Wait, am I?” question. For my relapse about a month or two ago it was "What if I'm lesbian and have to divorce my husband and ruin my kids' lives?"

@thebeginning are you married now?

@missbluesky Nope. I’ve never even dated. 😂 (Oh I realize how that last sentence sounded. It was a hypothetical situation as I don't even have a boyfriend, much less kids, but it scared me nonetheless.)

@thebeginning i’m worried because my first go with hocd started with the thoughts like slowly creeping in over christmas break while i was spending a lot of time alone it wasnt like one moment and i feel like that’s not ocd

@missbluesky Yeah it was like that for me too. The anxiety and thoughts died down after a few days or weeks. They would creep in here and there throughout the year as I never forgot but during quarantine I started ruminating bad. Even then I don't think it was 24/7 and I've talked to people whose hocd is really severe and mine never got to that point, that I'm aware maybe I'm downplaying it, and that scares me too. Right now when I get triggered is more comforting than when I don't because it means I do have ocd

@missbluesky Yeah, it always got worse for me when I was alone too. Winter break periods were the worst, as well as summer and vacations away from home. Mine started at 14-15, so I wouldn’t worry too much, though I always freak out about getting it so early as well.